Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I had a months free trial for Bumble after being on the free version. Christ on a bike the offerings are beyond dire. And these are from all over the UK. I'm so glad I didn't pay to see these blurred photos.

One mentioned lying about 6 times in his bio. FFS. We got it the first time.

My physical guy has ghosted me again. I've blocked him on Match and I'm just going to see if he try's to WhatsApp me, the usual 🙄 but he won't get the usual response.

There's an absolute sweetheart iron just now with the best sense of humour. BUT after we had been talking online for a while I said this is usually where we would exchange numbers. And he, in a funny way, said whoa slow down there's plenty of time for that.

My usual reaction would be mortification and going off but I just carried on our conversation.

I so don't want to appear a desperate bunny boiler. I HATE ONLINE DATING

Hi all how are you guys wording or saying 'Thanks but no thanks' messages. All the blokes who have said this to me have done it through the power of ghosting 🙄 which isn't very nice to be on the receiving end of so don't wish to do it to another.

I'm getting ready to knock it on the head with MrCars. Not entirely sure just yet. Might see how things go a bit longer but the saucy boutique hotel suggestion (mine) turned into an absolute logistical fiasco late last night via text after an almightily stressful day at work (I cried twice) so just wasn't in the mood to be answering minutiae planning and travel queries.

The potential final straw was when he was incredulous I wouldn't miss my Saturday early morning pilates class to get to his and onwards in time to go to a tourist attraction that shuts at 4pm and me pointing out that my lovely Saturday mornings at home with teens were deffo higher priority than getting to visitor thing (and spending additional time with him when I'm already planning to spend afternoon, evening and night).

I suddenly got cold feet and a large dose of antipathy.
Feel better today but only marginally

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

oh I hear you 😂

be very direct so it can’t be misread

hey I can’t see this going any further Cars
wishing you the very best with dating

Oh @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss you really don't sound happy about all of this.

What about saying something like I've lots of priorities on my plate just now can we dial it back for a few weeks then see how we feel?

I'm guilty of ghosting but only when the conversation is dire and they only answer exactly what I've asked. Then say - so are we meeting or what?

That attitude doesn't work for me.

Confession Time Mothership - please forgive me as Today I messaged the guy who said to slow down. I'm such a dick

I agree, offerings are so dire and I have ditched all the apps. The conversations (when you get one) are so hard work!
I have one iron remaining but he mentioned on phone last night he reads Daily Fail. That really is a deal breaker for me, or am I being too judge?!

Mollymolloy

so he doesn’t want to meet and chickens out

but is even daring to mention you dating others ? And question it !!!

twat .

Thanks guys. It's very tricky as he'll be very gutted and his mum just died so I ought to let him do funeral next week.

I like the idea of just being firm but evasive no need to over analyse the situation just that I (think I) am out.

@Justatoe2 yes that would be a massive dealbreaker for me.

Oh good god no.

Well if you are make room for me on the judgey bench

@Justatoe2 is it purely guilty pleasure celeb sidebar of shame DF or does he actually rely it on it as a source of actual news?

If the latter, it will no doubt influence his world view and I couldn't tolerate that.

I'm getting less and less tolerant, which isn't helping matters in iron volume.

There's an awful lot of scary negative attitudes towards females evident on the profiles too, which is so depressing...these men are angry and bitter and don't try to hide it.

Yes that's what I meant about the bloke on Bumble it was just awful - quite aggressive

@Definitelycross …don’t worry about messaging him…you clearly like this guy and are interested on him. Is this in match ? I believe the guys in match are more “serious” about wanting a relationship. Fingers crossed Deffy

He might read a tabloid and perhaps other newspapers too…give him a chance if you really like him

This was for @Justatoe2

@Mila14 thank you yes we were getting on like a house on fire, so...

Fingers crossed he doesn't think I'm too full on - I feel like I'm on a steep learning curve. And it's not comfortable.

Bumble is just awful. Makes me feel like eugh. I just don't know why

Oncey…you never really went swoon for this guy. If was your thpe of guy you’d go mad about making stuff happen. I think dating guys with NO kids also brings problems like this…we live on schedule and with responsibilities above ourselves and that’s hard to understand for a guy who only has to worry about himself and his life.
Not to worry Oncey. Someone amazing is out there for you

Hey daters.

@Mila14 sounds like you feel you’re at a crossroads but, with respect, I don’t think any decision you make now has to be it for the rest of your life. As long as you’re being honest with both men and yourself, I say follow your instincts on this one and don’t overthink. I always regret it when I don’t follow instincts!

@ everyone: when you feel your head is tangled, if you’re hurting, or when the old people behave weirdly, I would like to recommend looking at the thread dating rules! Remind yourself of the basics!

Although it’s very easy to say this stuff when you’re in a good place as I am today! Had excellent minibreak with MrOrange and I feel secure I know where I am with him and fun was had. It’s not going to be serious/exclusive for the foreseeable but I hope it will continue to be easy and fun as that’s what I’m after. The arcade was a good giggle and we were evenly matched with our 8bit prowess.

Also had a date 0 with a handsome but completely unattractive (his personality sadly let him down - I could have left the pub at anytime and the conversation would have been exactly the same as I wasn’t really involved in it!) iron yesterday. But found another decent date 0 place so pleased with that.

feeling terribly chilled out about the whole thing at the moment thanks to having a handle of where I stand with the various irons and it all working for me! Good luck with getting what you all want too!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss it really doesn't sound like you're feeling it with Mr cars. I'd message along lines of "upon further reflection I don't think we're a match but I wish you all the best in your search".

I've had a look on tinder again through boredom having brought distance down to within 5 miles as don't have time for travel etc 😄 have literally only swiped 2 people. One matched but didn't message and has unmatched today but he wasn't my fave of 2 anyway. Other one not matched.

Am out at weekend so slim chance I might meet someone out in wild - although rare as I usually only attract marrieds or men too young for me 🤦‍♀️

Looking to meet Mr city over Xmas break if we can match our free time - although may be tricky for me as ex not having kids much over that period because of work

I'll not do anything knee jerk. I watched a YouTube vid which explained why those of us with problematic fathers often found bad men exciting and those that are good for us less thrilling so am wondering if it could be that (but I don't think so)

@Goatbilly i think with apps/sites like FAB or Feeld, everyone’s just much more straightforward about what they’re looking for.

I found apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge miserable experiences with loads of time wasters. Ratio of about 400 swipes to get even one decent match or chat. When you’re inundated with blokes who want to chat, and everyone is staying clearly what they want, it’s easy to discard politely that which doesn’t appeal and focus in on that which does.

@5thWisdom …I agree…there are guys who are aggressive on profile and quite misogynistic. Or very self righteous types. I found it disturbing too. But then…we are the bunny boilers??? Seriously.
I think it’s better to have one iron or 2 ( normally you prefer one of the 2) and sometimes understand there are no suitable irons at all.
It’s about patience and managing expectations I guess.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss Mr Cars mother has just died ? I can’t imagine someone putting dating ahead of reacting to and processing this. I know not everyone is close to their family but I would be mightily uncomfortable.

Not uncomfortable at all @Stepcount
Massively estranged. Since birth. And lived overseas.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …did you find MrNice in one of those more “risqué” sites? @Goatbilly …perhaps it’s a good idea to check other websites like she’s suggesting?
@DisappearingHelen …glad to hear you had fun with MrOrange but why can it not be exclusive for the foreseeable? You don’t want an exclusive relationship?
Slothy…Mr City is the 6’5” guy you can lose your head for…he’s totally your type, you are super attracted to him and he’s a good lover too…careful with your heart ❤️

It’s amazing how good it is for me to stop all apps at the moment. I feel a lot happier 😂😂
I had video chat last night as I was going to sleep with my dear MrEx and he still found me lovely with thick pullover and my night cream on washed face 😍
However…I’m still not 100% convinced this is going to work

I had also a long video chat with MrIntense and I think he’s lovely and super educated too …I will meet him but…alas…MrEx has the edge as always because he’s so damned sexy and makes me laugh after almost 7 years. I remain in research way and I am looking forward to a bit of quality time with MrEx and meeting MrIntense. If it all goes belly up…I will not go in apps or date until March. After 8 months of frantic OLD I really needed this break

@Mila14 yes that Mr city - its only ever going to be hook ups but he's good fun. Don't worry - exdh broke my ❤ many years ago and it didn't mend so not capable of being broken again