Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Oncey…looks like the proverbial sack will be the decider. You don’t sound very enthusiastic. What is the main difference regarding Mr Art for example ( I,seem to remember he had a lot less time for you with work…I don’t remember what went wrong there but sex wasn’t very good with him if I remember correctly ), or Mr Curly ( unsuitable and broke)…put things in perspective and see what is it that’s missing for you to be enthusiastic about MrCars. Perhaps you need more time to get to know him well.
Identify what is nagging you…is it chemistry?

I don’t have any app anywhere at the moment and I don’t miss OLD. Perhaps it shows 8 months with checking every 5 minutes was enough for me to have a break.

By the way Oncey… I get more than enough comm with Mr Intense but we do not text at all during the day. Just quick hello in the morning and more intense in the evening before bedtime. That’s it. I can’t do all day because I do not have the headspace. Perhaps Mr Cars is too much all over you?

Thanks! MrFootball is looking promising I must say

I think with MrGhost, he was very intense and seemed to really find me attractive and I think it what I got hooked on - I haven’t felt wanted in a long time and that was very addictive in a way

whereas MrFootball is much more chilled but interested in me as a person…..

Rambling here but it’s nice to have a place to put these ideas down 😊

Wow @Mila14 you have a great brain. You have catalogued my Summer-Autumn 2023 OLD adventures tremendously well.

Seriously the main difference between them all has been two never really into me (so) I liked them a lot. The latest one MrCars is very keen and attentive (so) I'm less keen. I think the constant texts has evaporated all sense of mystery and intrigue so that's a good lesson to learn. Also not bowled over by his kissing skills so have low expectations of compatibility in further physicals. Might be pleasantly surprised but might not.

As it currently stands I might bow out. I'm that ambivalent tbh.

*2022. Just lost an entire year then!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss After I read your post I literally had to check my calendar to see if it was 2022 / 2023! 😂

Well I've just tested positive for Covid and I feel vile. So any action of any sort is way out of the question.

Also MrT - the one that pissed me off but then came back and redeemed himself has pissed me off again. So no excitement for me in the near future.

But there is a very nice iron on Match. But I'm not getting ahead of myself. Enjoying messaging but going back to bed now 😷😷😷

@Definitelycross …oh dear…get well soon and rest a lot.

Mr T…once an idiot and an oaf…always an oaf and an idiot. Good riddance.

Keep chatting the lovely iron in Match, you will have time soon to attend to your sexy needs 🙂

@Mumtolittleorange ditto, I checked my calendar too, don’t trust my tired mum brain!

A bit of advice please.. started chatting to MrA around 10 days ago. He said that he was very keen to meet up. We exchanged a few messages and he said that the earliest that he could meet was tomorrow. We have spoken every day and txted regularly. Our calls have lasted anything from 1-2 hours. I don’t get why he couldn’t meet sooner. He doesn’t have children at home.

Also, he has now postponed our meeting tomorrow. Apparently, he now has a dentist appointment. We seem to get on well… why doesn’t he want to meet? How long should I let this go on for?

@Mollymolloy if you are chatting for an hour or two you must be getting some sense of him ? Does a last minute dental appointment seem a genuine possibility? I would find a way to ask about his general availability , and don’t be afraid to be clear about what you would be hoping for in a relationship in terms of how regularly you might meet. If he’s already delaying/ not actively finding a time to see you then this might be who he is. Be careful not to over invest if he’s your only iron. If he doesn’t offer the next available option to meet then I think I would be withdrawing from this.

Mollymolloy

some people I think are insecure and messed up

they love that chat
the messages and attention

but are either actually attached
or using it for an ego boost
or are too chicken to meet
or
maybe another reason !?

I’d not waste too much time

send an ‘ok’
if he doesn’t propose another meet I’d write him off and focus outwards tbh

@Mollymolloy …have you seen him in video call? This was a very good advise @ibelieveinmirrorballs gave in this thread. Seeing someone in video is quite important too.

If you have, I think exactly as Worsy…I wouldn’t get too invested and my answer to his dental emergency an ok. I would start looking for other irons to be honest but then I always normally had more than one going when I was OLD!🙄

Some guys only do OLD to chat and have “emotional” affairs…nothing physical. Beware

Thanks v much for the advice. He is coming up with all these plans for dates one minute and then making excuses why he can’t make them the next.

He seemed annoyed that I was still on the dating app. He kept asking how it was all going with other irons which is odd being that we have never met!

If he cancels again, I will move on. This OLD is a minefield! Thanks again for the advice.

he seems annoyed that I am still on the dating app not a great sign I’m afraid @Mollymolloy .

I was starting to wonder whether my being on the dating app was putting him off. But, you are right @Stepcount!

Oh gosh @Mollymolloy I agree with @Stepcount that is not a good sign. Possessiveness before meeting is either very controlling or incredibly naive (and still controlling ).

As others have said, there are tons of people on these apps who are bored and a bit bonkers. It's so hard isn't it, because often as single parents we can make time to have daily chats etc, so it's easy to find yourself having what seems to be a good ongoing connection with someone each evening, but actually the person at the other end could be a complete time waster. I'd be more protective of the time you give to people before meeting (even though this is often hard if they seem keen)... and in this case, I'm not sure I would make any further effort.

@Mollymolloy

completely agree with this. I got suckered in by what I thought was a connection when actually he ghosted me without warning and after thinking about it, he was very intense and it obviously wasn’t genuine or he had other stuff going on

my good friend of mine said if he wanted to, he would find a way. I try to remember that now!

Hello all,

I hope it's ok if I join you all.

In my 40s and joined Tinder last week. I've dipped my toe in OLD over past few years but always deleted apps in despair after a week or so. This time I'm going to keep my account open a bit longer and just see what happens.

It's not going well. Nobody wants to meet. Lots of matches, 10% actually turn into conversations, but none of them actually want to move that to a real life date, conversation just fizzles out so @Mollymolloy you are by no means alone. These are men that are close by, educated, can write coherent sentences. I don't get it.

One of my matches was actually up front and honest and admitted he was just looking for 'cuddles' as he put it. I appreciated his honesty!

It may be me, and they're just bored, passing the time, but I actually am in this to meet someone! It's frustrating.

I've also noticed that with men who I match with - if they don't start the conversation, they never reply to me.

I wonder if someone might be willing to preview my profile because I think I could do with an objective critique?! I'm obviously doing something wrong.

I am finding exactly the same thing @5thWisdom. I have been doing OLD for about a month now!

People are experiencing Dating app fatigue..the whole thing is just .... unexciting? It's not you or your profile, it's the whole dating culture that has become draining and frustrating

Delurking just to add to what others have said re Tinder...it's just sooo dire at the moment..as is Bumble. I've been on and off apps for a few years and never known it so bad. I, too, get quite a few matches but trying to get conversations going is like pulling teeth. I'm only looking for a FWB so I've gone back to FAB and I've met some lovely guys on there...had some great chats (not just about sex) and some enjoyable social meets. You do have to wade through a lot of dick pics and unwanted messages but it's easy enough to delete and block...FAB is definitely not for everyone and it wouldn't be my first choice if I was looking for a serious relationship but for me it's far better than the other apps right now. (I make it very clear I'm not interested in married/attached men)

@queenofthedryshampoo

Do you think men are more "motivated" to meet when sex is on offer (in theory)?

@Mollymolloy the early days of OLD can be a very steep learning curve and it can put people under a lot of pressure and self analysis whether things go well or not. The general tone and joy of this thread is that we are always here to support, encourage and sometimes give a nudge if required. One of the trickiest things to navigate is keeping a sense of perspective until you have met in person. The attention you get online can feel very nice and welcome if you haven’t had that for a while - but be selective in who you give your time to.

@Goatbilly yes I think quite possibly! I always insist on a social meet first and generally men haven't been pushy and accepted when I've said no chemistry etc and don't want to take things further but yes I think you're right.