Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I totally 💯 % agree.

I have lost 30+ years of my life with a pathological liar.

I'm determined that won't happen again

Well to make it worse it was Bumble where you can choose friendships only 🤷‍♀️

And I did not go back when he told me I had misunderstood.
Done and dusted.

(Even though in my head I'm going noooo I thought you were really funny and liked you and fancied you - whilst pouting)

@Definitelycross …better to erase and unmatch. I agree.

I also agree on the being fussy with Eeky and @Juneyblue …I prefer to date and check and not settle if I’m not sure. I am extremely fussy too. I am looking for a partner not a friend or someone to shag from time to time, that’s not what I want. I admire very much the ladies who can compartmentalise and have a FWB. I would not feel ok with that because I can not separate sex from love and emotional involvement. I wish I could because there’s a lot more amazing offer for FWB than for partner…

Whoever told you it’s easier for men their 50’s is taking out of their ar$ehole, I’m 50 something and my last (& final attempt ) at OLD was soul destroying,.
in some ways I’m jealous of women, as least you get some matches and messages, even if you don’t want them, at least it’s some kind of external validation that someone values you and wants to get to know you.

I got pretty much sweet FA, there is not much more depressing than an empty inbox , other than watching Norwich lose..

@NoDatingForOldMen that's so interesting. Yes I've had it hinted at and one person told me to my face that is was obviously easier for him (57) than me (55).

Oh blimey @Definitelycross still probs better than a fondley date and sublime kissing then never hearing from them again or having several sleepover dates, being exclusive way to early then being binned off with no warning (looking at you recent irons x 2)

You have, as we often say on here, dodged a bullet. Or just saved yourself wasting an evening.

Onwards and upwards!

(I've just joined Our Time where my friend of many years (57) found her true with the first bloke who ever messaged her)

Oh and @NoDatingForOldMen my brother is a diehard Norwich supporter too.

Yes absolutely.

When I saw Our Time I thought it was for older ones but not then. I'll have a look.

One thing this has really shown me is I do not want any one night stands and I can't separate sex from feelings either.

Maybe all of this was necessary for me to know myself better (apologies if that sounds wanky)

I'm not sure that it is easier for men than women (I'm 58)?
Most of my single girl friends don't actually want a man, where the men I know do want a partner..
Obviously I don't know for sure as I haven't seen apps from the other side.

@Definitelycross come on you Yellows!
we started the season as fave to go up, but played poorly at the beginning of the season, then picked up well and went on a run of 8 without a loss, but last few games have been more tricky.
pits been ages since I saw the mighty Norwich play live as I’m so far away now.

and the other thing is definitely BS, it’s not easy men, it’s hard, but in a different way

Thanks for your kind words @Eeksteek, @Justatoe2 and @Mila14 . I’m sitting at Mr K’s dining table doing some work while he cooks dinner 😊
I guess it’s like buying a house; sometimes the first one you see really is the best one. Time will tell!
@Definitelycross I think that’s the only tolerable way to look at things, as each experience, good or bad, teaches us so much about what it is we want and need. But still, so disappointing.

Enjoy @Shwingbada sounds lush

I've been musing (wondering really) what emotionally unavailable is or means.

I the other day I sent a innuendo laden thanks but thanks to previous iron MrCurly (well current FWB I guess if our diaries ever align) re his suggestion he come over for an hour to shag and I also sent a photo of an some art I had seen at a gallery. He wrote back saying he'd seen the same random piece some years ago and it had really stuck with him, best piece of the show.

What I am musing on is how we matched on humour, clearly sexually compatible, intelligence, even lived in the same city a few streets away at the same time, frequented the same bars, have extended tribes in common through our Exes blah blah blah and yet we aren't anything more than an occasional hook up.

It's weird. Im not bothered. I don't have a crush on him. I liked it when we were messaging all the time. He said he was at rock bottom financially so I guess not in a good place. Or just not into me for some reason but I guess that's what I'm musing on why he wouldn't be up for more when we had so much in common.

The art thing really confused me tbh when I wasn't confused before

Hi all,

Still getting over my medication so nothing much going at the moment. Can't be bothered to log in on the apps but will do soon ❤️

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

I read that book (the emotionally unavailable ) one this summer

There is no real consistent reason why
id personally say some unresolved hurt , a lack of
emotional depth
or maybe simply after a fuck and no drama after a nasty divorce

but it’s 100% a thing and the ONLY reason I’m sticking with Balkan is the sex Is great and once a week suits me (and I’m fond of him )

So tread with extreme caution with this one !
if it looks like a duck , quacks like a duck 🦆….

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

im sorry , sending healing ❤️‍🩹

Definitelycross

disappointing with a capital D

id guess he has something in and off with someone else and he got cold feet when the other maybe became ON again
possible

That's a really good take actually.

Makes total sense - thank you

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss what you've described about Mr curly is the same with me and Mr city - we are just so compatible on paper - even down to an artist coming up on his playlist that I've never known anybody else know/like but someone I've actually seen live many moons ago. However it was clear from conversations on our last date that he is very much unavailable, more so than me, so it's one I just have to put to bed (no pun intended 😁).

Met with Mr medic the other night. I'm still on fence. He's lovely and I fancy him but he's just not very flirty in person so it's a lot of just talking about his job so more like chatting with a friend 🤷‍♀️ he tells in messages how much he fancies me etc so not sure if he's just more reserved/shy. We'll have a sleepover next week so I'll try and judge further once we can be in private so see if he's just more formal in public settings

@Definitelycross bullet dodged indeed and I like that you didn't even reply - just moved on. If he was an ego booster messing people around on apps at least your actions will have knocked him down a peg or two

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated I've not heard of the book I'll seek it out.

Ah you are still seeing Balkan I was wondering.

Have been asked out for a coffee and cake date by a fella on Our Time. He is funny, clever and reasonably nearby. I'll call him MrUnion. I know very little more and don't want to. It's all the the real life interaction.

MrCurly's texts were flying in at 1am discussing and showing me art and how he's put the pic I sent him on his fridge. I'm not interested. Don't know why he's not pursuing me but he's not so that's that. Will tap him up for sex when he has a bigger slot than a paltry hour
🦆 🦆 🦆

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

yeah I’ve been on and off with him since January
I used to get very distraught and upset about things as I made the mistake of thinking we were in a more serious thing and having expectations over and above what he could provide

now I’m far more pragmatic and realistic and I’m better for it

But I’m a LP , got kids 80% of the time so even if someone that wanted something more serious came along I’d not be able to meet that

and the sex is good and that reliable escape does help with LP drudgery

on a slightly disappointing note my Pilates teacher is married !
he was so giving off recently divorced vibes !

I still got two foot touches yesterday
and it’s a great class

a dream crushed 😭

Slothmomma

have you a strategy to up the sexual success next week ? As this will be make or break no

im thinking what I’d so and I guess it would involve some alcohol and sloooowonf things down ?

will be interesting after city hotness ?

Will tap him up for sex when he has a bigger slot than a paltry hour

An HOUR 😂😂, now I am feeling my age, after an hour I would be snoring my head off, ( as would ms NoShow TBH )