Just caught up with the thread, hope everyone had a good weekend.
I’m two months in to my relationship with Mr K and it had all been going well, albeit rather fast. However, I’m starting to feel rather insecure and worried now that I’m going to ruin things.
For various reasons I have been spending half the week at his house, due to a temporary situation, and that has perhaps accelerated and distorted aspects of it. I’m struggling with the contrast between the intense but very intimate time we have when together and the necessarily more separate and less communicative time when we’re apart. Occasionally he can seem withdrawn or not make eye contact etc when together, but it’s easily resolved through conversation or just time together; the text equivalent is harder to deal with but I am extremely sensitive to it and doubtlessly overthinking. We both have our teenage kids half the week and he is also very busy with a house project at the moment.
Yesterday after a meeting with a friend during which we barely communicated directly with each other, I sent him a message saying he had seemed distant which he didn’t respond to. My insecurities started kicking in when I didn’t get any reassurance and I sent him a long message (copied below) which he also didn’t respond to, although he did message to say goodnight. I realise that I will have come across as needy etc but he has been very emotionally open and I’ve felt completely supported up to now.
My only real concern is that he hasn’t deleted his profile on the apps but he said doesn’t receive messages so I assume he isn’t actively using them. I’m trying to be cool about this as he has not given any reason to doubt his commitment. I’d be grateful for any opinions.
Am I out of order with my message or do you think it’s odd that he hasn’t directly responded? I feel quite hurt that he’s not really concerned to make me feel better but it’s very possible that I have no grounds for anxiety and maybe he’s frustrated by that (last week he told me that he loved me, something that he didn’t do lightly).
My terrible text message here:
“I feel a bit distracted (which admittedly doesn’t take much). You seeming distant makes me feel quite anxious and unsure, which is how I have felt for much of the day. It may be totally needless as I don’t really have much to go on and am doubtlessly over-sensitive. I realise I should probably just compartmentalise and not let it affect me. But as I am like this and as it is easy to address, maybe you could just give me an indication that all is well with you/us? And if there is a problem (whether with me, or something else that is on your mind) then please do communicate, even if not in any detail. Are you feeling preoccupied with your house stuff, or the boys? Or simply busy?
Sorry if this is an annoying disturbance but a minute of your time would help to assuage my anxiety.
I am possibly not my most robust self as weather so dismal and marking so abundant”
He read it but didn’t respond and then replied to my goodnight message about 4 hours later. I tried to call him and he didn’t answer but he is generally a phone on silent type person.
Thanks for your thoughts on this. I am new to OLD and hadn’t expected to get into a relationship so quickly.