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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Older man

164 replies

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 20:45

Hi everyone
I could do with some help please. I’m 24 and have a huge crush on a 49 year old. We have exchanged messages but so far it’s not gone any further. He’s expressed that he would like it too though. I’ve never been with someone older than me before and I’m not really sure but I could do with some advice. Is this a bad idea? I feel so apprehensive and nervous about it all but at the same time I do want to see what happens. Any advice welcome!

OP posts:
pictish · 08/05/2022 08:30

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 23:13

He is now messaging me saying he is too old to get his emotions played with. I don’t understand what he means by this but he says his ex hurt him and he was willing to give it a try with me.

What a load of manipulative shite. He’s talking like you owe him.

pictish · 08/05/2022 08:33

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 22:41

I don’t even know what to say. I have just received a message from him. he said ‘I actually had the offer of meeting a very good looking lady local for sex after my lad had gone to bed but I have turned her down for you’

No he hasn’t. This didn’t happen.

What the fuck is wrong with him? He’s 50 but has the emotional maturity of a 17 yr old.

hellrabbitishere · 08/05/2022 08:39

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 21:31

Thank you everyone. I should also add he has a teenage son too with an ex wife. He has also just split from his current wife

iv read all your posts and it just gets worse , really sexually explicit messages and now 2 ex wifes , just no op . your far too young to be getting caught up in this drama , he wont seem nearly as exciting if you do date him and wind up living with him playing happy housewife , and playing at being a stepmum to his teenage son trust me ! dated someone 9 years older than me once in my early 30s with a ex wife and a son , it did not go well for me and thats all im saying

hermana · 08/05/2022 08:54

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 21:47

@MissSmiley That’s what I thought as I know it won’t go anywhere other than sex and I do have feelings for him. He has told me that he thinks ‘it could be something good’.

I bet he has! He would love to get the bragging rights of shagging someone half his age. Dirty old man, steer clear.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 08/05/2022 08:58

I think for him it would be purely sexual but he has told me he likes me
He has told me that he thinks ‘it could be something good’.
‘I like you a lot and I can see it being regular and developing to more’ is another message he has just sent.
Yeah, talk is cheap. Many men will say what they think we want to hear if it means we’ll fuck them, and when I read stuff like this I just think "blah, blah, blah". I've heard it all before, it's BS

he has a teenage son too with an ex wife. He has also just split from his current wife
In that case he’s highly unlikely to want a relationship. In my experience, men who have recently split from someone may say they want a relationship but then get cold feet after a few weeks. I’ve been hurt by these sorts so I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole now unless I genuinely only wanted a shag

every message seems to somehow revert back to sexual talk.
Before you’ve even met? So he’s a sleaze then

I have just received a message from him. he said ‘I actually had the offer of meeting a very good looking lady local for sex after my lad had gone to bed but I have turned her down for you’
Wow, what a charmer! Does he honestly think you’d be flattered by that?! So he’s emotionally immature as well as a sleaze

He said ‘I could get sex in half an hour from someone else so it’s not just about the sex’. Makes me wonder whether he pays for it or something?!
Yeah, probably has the local escort agency number stored on his phone

He is now messaging me saying he is too old to get his emotions played with
He says ‘he knew it was too good to be true’
Feels like emotional blackmail to me. Trying to make you feel guilty now he senses you cooling so you'll feel sorry for him and keep chatting

I guess he is trying to make me feel bad for saying I don’t want to continue this.
I think you’re right

He claims if I go to see him and give him a chance he will not trying anything on with me
Highly unlikely

lollipoprainbow · 08/05/2022 08:58

What has happened to you in your past that makes you attracted to an older man? Such an old man?

49 is hardly ancient !!

Fireflygal · 08/05/2022 10:19

@AlmostAJillSandwich, 49 isn't ancient...but it is when you are 24.

ShandaLear · 08/05/2022 10:29

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 22:15

@DatingDinosaur Yes every message seems to somehow revert back to sexual talk. I don’t know if I should say this but he calls me things like ‘little miss’ ‘young miss’ ‘baby girl’ etc etc. I think he’s just enjoying the thrill of it all. I know he probably doesn’t care about me as a person!

OH HELL NO. THAT’S PLAIN CREEPY.

ShandaLear · 08/05/2022 10:31

Sorry - cross post. Block him and move on. He’s trying to coerce you into sex now. Uber creep.

SuziSecondLaw · 08/05/2022 10:37

That's so gross. I'm 36 and the thought of being interested in a 24 year old is slightly sickening to say the least. Also calling you little miss and baby girl etc.. 😬Vomit.

CambsAlways · 08/05/2022 10:49

I’m thinking back to when I was 24 this type of man would be told to fuck off straight away and blocked! It amazes me why you aren’t doing this, why are you answering him, he makes me want to baulk quite honestly baby girl etc, I wouldn’t trust this type with my dog! Obv things he’s some wild boy 🤮

Original poster
Wishingwell24 · 08/05/2022 13:12

Thank you everyone. This sounds really silly and I don’t know why but I keep thinking about him!! I have no idea what has come over me

OP posts:
MotoCar · 08/05/2022 13:45

Hi OP. I was in a ‘relationship’ with a man when I was 26 and he was 52.

I did love him but honestly…after a couple of years it was abundantly apparent that it wouldn’t go anywhere else. It broke my heart. We got on so well and I do believe if we had been closer in age he may well have been my soulmate.

This man could be right for you. And I think no matter what anyone says, you’ll probably go ahead with things with him anyway… I only say that as it’s almost impossible to make a decision with your head when your heart has been turned, no matter how switched on you are to realities.

but tread carefully. There’s ALOT to be said for the fact that he will very much enjoy a 24 year old on his arm and in bed. He may well have genuine feelings but the idea of a much younger woman is undoubtedly a factor.

you would have a happier and probably easier life with someone else. But sometimes you have to live things to realise that. Just be careful and don’t rush in.

RitaFaircloughsWig · 08/05/2022 16:09

Wishingwell24 · 08/05/2022 13:12

Thank you everyone. This sounds really silly and I don’t know why but I keep thinking about him!! I have no idea what has come over me

It is because he is pulling you in with the sex talk - it's a temptation.

Scooby5kids · 08/05/2022 16:31

I think it depends what you want from it? If you both want a bit of fun to go on some dates and have casual fling then I can see the excitement and I'd say go for it, but if you're wanting anything long term I'd say he's a bit too old for you. In 20 years he's going to be a pensioner and you will still be a young woman! Having said that I do have a friend who met an older man of similar age, in her early 20's and they're still together 15 years on and they both still seem very happy.

smallbirdwidesky · 08/05/2022 16:49

Just sex? Go ahead if that is what you want.

A relationship? I would not. At 50 he may not seem so bad, but the gap when you are 35 and he is 60 will be pronounced. A huge amount of ageing takes place in that decade. I am 50 and even I don't find 60 year old men remotely sexually attractive. I get hit on by them, but just no. I'll shag a 60 year old when I am 60. Not now.

smallbirdwidesky · 08/05/2022 16:53

Just read the updates. He's gross. You are right to not even want to shag him.

Bumblefuzz · 08/05/2022 17:02

My ex-husband was more than 20 years older than me. We worked together and got together when I was 21. We were together for 15 years and the age difference was never an issue. He had grown up children when we met and I was a step-grandmother before I was a mother as I didn't have our DD until my 30's.

I appreciate that others may think that large age gaps are creepy, but sometimes friendships do become more than friendship and there isn't anything weird about it.

tkwal · 08/05/2022 17:09

Wishingwell24
Same age difference as Michael Douglas and Catherine ZJ. But they are the exception rather than the rule. However, if you fancy him rotten then why not ? He could be "the one " What's his relationship history like ? At 50 he's unlikely to change his pattern now. Are there any bitter exes in the background ? Could you cope with the complications and hassle if there are?

Palmfrond · 08/05/2022 17:49

MotoCar · 08/05/2022 13:45

Hi OP. I was in a ‘relationship’ with a man when I was 26 and he was 52.

I did love him but honestly…after a couple of years it was abundantly apparent that it wouldn’t go anywhere else. It broke my heart. We got on so well and I do believe if we had been closer in age he may well have been my soulmate.

This man could be right for you. And I think no matter what anyone says, you’ll probably go ahead with things with him anyway… I only say that as it’s almost impossible to make a decision with your head when your heart has been turned, no matter how switched on you are to realities.

but tread carefully. There’s ALOT to be said for the fact that he will very much enjoy a 24 year old on his arm and in bed. He may well have genuine feelings but the idea of a much younger woman is undoubtedly a factor.

you would have a happier and probably easier life with someone else. But sometimes you have to live things to realise that. Just be careful and don’t rush in.

Wtaf? This MN an is clearly not right for OP or indeed anyone else!

tbh though, and no offence OP if you are genuine, but this thread reads like one of those wank fodder threads hat pop up from time to time on mumsnet. I think it’s the real-time updates of wildly sleazy messages that OP wants to resist but… somehow… just…. can’t….resiiist! Urgh!!! (Aaaah!)

Palmfrond · 08/05/2022 17:50

*this man, obvs

qpmz · 08/05/2022 17:55

Some really bitter people on here! Who says it has to lead to a long term relationship? A fling between two single, consenting adults can be fun! Just both be honest about what you want at the very start.

5128gap · 08/05/2022 19:00

Palmfrond · 08/05/2022 17:49

Wtaf? This MN an is clearly not right for OP or indeed anyone else!

tbh though, and no offence OP if you are genuine, but this thread reads like one of those wank fodder threads hat pop up from time to time on mumsnet. I think it’s the real-time updates of wildly sleazy messages that OP wants to resist but… somehow… just…. can’t….resiiist! Urgh!!! (Aaaah!)

Show quote history

It sure does. And such a coincidence its popped up so soon after the men in their 40s thread.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/05/2022 19:18

qpmz · 08/05/2022 17:55

Some really bitter people on here! Who says it has to lead to a long term relationship? A fling between two single, consenting adults can be fun! Just both be honest about what you want at the very start.

To be fair I think people think he's creepy and that he seems predatory because of stuff like this...

Yes every message seems to somehow revert back to sexual talk. I don’t know if I should say this but he calls me things like ‘little miss’ ‘young miss’ ‘baby girl’ etc etc.

He said ‘I could get sex in half an hour from someone else so it’s not just about the sex’. Makes me wonder whether he pays for it or something?!

he said ‘I actually had the offer of meeting a very good looking lady local for sex after my lad had gone to bed but I have turned her down for you’

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 08/05/2022 19:19

He sounds like a compete sleaze bag though Confused