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Original poster

Older man

164 replies

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 20:45

Hi everyone
I could do with some help please. I’m 24 and have a huge crush on a 49 year old. We have exchanged messages but so far it’s not gone any further. He’s expressed that he would like it too though. I’ve never been with someone older than me before and I’m not really sure but I could do with some advice. Is this a bad idea? I feel so apprehensive and nervous about it all but at the same time I do want to see what happens. Any advice welcome!

OP posts:
Loveisallweneed · 07/05/2022 22:46

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 22:41

I don’t even know what to say. I have just received a message from him. he said ‘I actually had the offer of meeting a very good looking lady local for sex after my lad had gone to bed but I have turned her down for you’

Wtaf - he thinks women are sex toys . I wouldn’t want him around me

Escarpahell · 07/05/2022 22:52

His message to you is ridiculous - who talks like that??

My own experience was a three year relationship with a man twice my age, at the start I was 21 and he 42. It was lovely, the sex was great, I never regretted and we remained friends for many years. Make of that what you will.

MmeMeursault · 07/05/2022 22:56

Sorry but going back to this claim he'd turned this offer of sex down once his "lad was in bed".... either way you look at it is grim:

  1. His 15 Yr old son is in bed upstairs when this other woman was going to be coming round for some rumpypumpy

Or

  1. He was going to leave his 15 yr old son asleep and alone in the house (presumably unaware that dad wasn't there) when he went out to meet said woman for said rumpypumpy.
Hiddenvoice · 07/05/2022 22:57

He sounds creepy! You seem to have feelings for him and he’s just looking to use you. You’ll end up getting hurt so it’s not worth it!
His message to you is trying to make you feel jealous and make you want to meet up with him but it’s actually just off putting and disgusting!

DatingDinosaur · 07/05/2022 22:58

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 22:15

@DatingDinosaur Yes every message seems to somehow revert back to sexual talk. I don’t know if I should say this but he calls me things like ‘little miss’ ‘young miss’ ‘baby girl’ etc etc. I think he’s just enjoying the thrill of it all. I know he probably doesn’t care about me as a person!

I’m sorry to say but when you mentioned sexual talk I had a feeling he would use phrases like this.

So he’s referring to you as a child and in a sexual way.

That has entered the realms of creepy as fuck and sexual predator.

You mentioned feeling anxious and nervous in your first post. This is because your instincts KNOW this whole thing is wrong.

Lightstoobright · 07/05/2022 22:59

I'm in a relationship with bigger age gap than you two (28 years). It's not the age that concerns me, but his behaviour and the things he is saying. He sounds utterly grim. It would put me right off OP.

There are also some very ageist comments on this thread.

Original poster
Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 22:59

I have messaged him along the lines of ‘I don’t think this should continue, I don’t want to be used’ He said ‘I could get sex in half an hour from someone else so it’s not just about the sex’. Makes me wonder whether he pays for it or something?!

@MmeMeursault that was exactly my thoughts too!

OP posts:
WandaWomblesaurus · 07/05/2022 23:00

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 21:31

Thank you everyone. I should also add he has a teenage son too with an ex wife. He has also just split from his current wife

A whole lot of nope.
It will be embarrassing to be out with him, everyone will assume he's using you, or that he's your dad!
Awful but the judgement will be merciless. Please do yourself a favour and keep some self respect.

Original poster
Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 23:00

‘ I like you a lot and I can see it being regular and developing to more’ is another message he has just sent.

OP posts:
spotcheck · 07/05/2022 23:01

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 22:41

I don’t even know what to say. I have just received a message from him. he said ‘I actually had the offer of meeting a very good looking lady local for sex after my lad had gone to bed but I have turned her down for you’

Ah, so you'll feel indebted

He sounds gross

Regularsizedrudy · 07/05/2022 23:05

Erm what exactly do you like about him? Because with every post he sounds more and more disgusting, regardless of age

Loveisallweneed · 07/05/2022 23:05

Lightstoobright · 07/05/2022 22:59

I'm in a relationship with bigger age gap than you two (28 years). It's not the age that concerns me, but his behaviour and the things he is saying. He sounds utterly grim. It would put me right off OP.

There are also some very ageist comments on this thread.

I dont agree there are ageist comments . If you think the comments about how an older man is sexually are agist , people are going off their personal experience which they are entitled to do
it’s certainly not agist to question the motives of men who deliberately target women because they are younger .

DatingDinosaur · 07/05/2022 23:06

MmeMeursault · 07/05/2022 22:56

Sorry but going back to this claim he'd turned this offer of sex down once his "lad was in bed".... either way you look at it is grim:

  1. His 15 Yr old son is in bed upstairs when this other woman was going to be coming round for some rumpypumpy

Or

  1. He was going to leave his 15 yr old son asleep and alone in the house (presumably unaware that dad wasn't there) when he went out to meet said woman for said rumpypumpy.

Or
3 . He was talking bollocks and wanking himself senseless at the thought of this woman half his age falling for his sleazy shite.

🚩

MmeMeursault · 07/05/2022 23:08

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 23:00

‘ I like you a lot and I can see it being regular and developing to more’ is another message he has just sent.

So no consideration for your feelings - any hole in a storm and all that

Sorry but the more you list the more awful he sounds!

I wonder if his wife chucked him out as he'd been sleeping around.

DatingDinosaur · 07/05/2022 23:09

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 22:59

I have messaged him along the lines of ‘I don’t think this should continue, I don’t want to be used’ He said ‘I could get sex in half an hour from someone else so it’s not just about the sex’. Makes me wonder whether he pays for it or something?!

@MmeMeursault that was exactly my thoughts too!

So you never mentioned sex in your "sod off" message to him?

But the first thing he mentions is sex in his reply to you.

No he doesn't pay for it. He doesn't even get it. That's why he's fantasising about it so much and you're supposed to feel all hurt and rejected at his breezy dismissal of your hot body.

sidebirds · 07/05/2022 23:10

Lightstoobright · 07/05/2022 22:59

I'm in a relationship with bigger age gap than you two (28 years). It's not the age that concerns me, but his behaviour and the things he is saying. He sounds utterly grim. It would put me right off OP.

There are also some very ageist comments on this thread.

🎯🎯🎯

DatingDinosaur · 07/05/2022 23:12

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 23:00

‘ I like you a lot and I can see it being regular and developing to more’ is another message he has just sent.

He's just saying this shite because he knows you've twigged he's a sleaze and he's trying to convince you he's not. This is him testing/pushing your boundaries. Honestly, block him now. Please!

MmeMeursault · 07/05/2022 23:12

You should text him something like

"FYI I just ran this scenario past Mumsnet and the general consensus is that it's a bit fat nope. Byeee"

And then block him everywhere.

Original poster
Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 23:13

He is now messaging me saying he is too old to get his emotions played with. I don’t understand what he means by this but he says his ex hurt him and he was willing to give it a try with me.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2022 23:14

Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 23:13

He is now messaging me saying he is too old to get his emotions played with. I don’t understand what he means by this but he says his ex hurt him and he was willing to give it a try with me.

Come on, now. Block this dickhead already.

Original poster
Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 23:14

I guess he is trying to make me feel bad for saying I don’t want to continue this.

OP posts:
MmeMeursault · 07/05/2022 23:16

Oh FGS why isn't he blocked yet. He's horrible and an utter creep.

Don't even engage him in conversation. He won't miss you, regardless what he might claim to say. He'll just be gutted he never got off with a 24 yr old, but that's his problem.

Ellie56 · 07/05/2022 23:17

Eww! He sounds a right creep and way too old. It would be like sleeping with your best friend's dad.

You can do better.

Original poster
Wishingwell24 · 07/05/2022 23:18

@MmeMeursault I agree! He claims if I go to see him and give him a chance he will not trying anything on with me but I doubt that

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 07/05/2022 23:18

That's exactly what he's trying to do. It's all a game to him, and he's realised he's losing it so is playing dirty now.

Just text back "ok". Then block.