Older man

[Wishingwell24]

Hi everyone
I could do with some help please. I’m 24 and have a huge crush on a 49 year old. We have exchanged messages but so far it’s not gone any further. He’s expressed that he would like it too though. I’ve never been with someone older than me before and I’m not really sure but I could do with some advice. Is this a bad idea? I feel so apprehensive and nervous about it all but at the same time I do want to see what happens. Any advice welcome!

Personally i think its too old for you. But to be honest o wouldn’t mind if he look like keanu reeves or brad pitt 🤣 🤣. In the end love is love.

Please don't. I was in your exact situation a few years ago when I was 25 and he was 23 years older than me. It was meant to be just sex but one thing led to another and we ended up married. Completely different stages in life, both wanted very different things along with a hefty dose of him being an arsehole.

Please please don't do it. Plenty people your own age to have sex with!

In a nice way but why would a 49 year old have anything in common with a 24 year old, why his he interested in someone so young? It seems very weird, the age gap is huge. But I’m not you and if your happy to progress things

Has he definitely just split from his wife? Also, is anyone who has just split from a marriage in a good place to be dating in terms of relationships?

I agree with pps - this one has the ubiquitous red flags all over it and you will end up getting hurt.

Just because a man says he thinks it could be something good doesn't mean it is. Of course it's good for him - a young 24 year old for sex! But is it good for you? Does this man have a decent track record? The very sexually explicit messages does not sound particularly respectful towards you. The just getting out of a marriage - not even just a relationship - does not sound good for you. I don't think this will end well for you.

@MmeMeursault I don’t know for certain and yes you’re right. There is only 9 years difference between me and his son. Almost 25 years between us two.

So, he’s old enough to be your dad, has 2 ex wives, one of whom he’s recently split up with, and sends you sexually explicit messages..

His interest in you is a conquest/ego boost for his flagging mid-life-crisis crisis.
Don’t, for a minute, think he’s actually interested in you as a person.
Any blether about “liking” you and general chit-chat that isn’t sexual is just him charming his way into your pants.

He said “it could be something good”. Nice ambiguous statement there. He means the sex and he’s only saying it because saying “the sex will probably be shit for you because it’s all about boosting my ego” would probably put you off a bit.

As for why you like him? You’re hormones are buzzing from all that sex talk. That’s all.

Like others have said though, you’re both adults and if you can absolutely accept that this is only about the conquest and sex for him and you could walk away without feeling misled/used/hurt/betrayed afterwards, then go for it.

TBH, I'd massively swerve any man who ramps up the sex talk when we're not even dating, regardless of age. Huge red flag right there.

You know it's incredibly sleazy: that's why your subconscious told you to post here.

Do your future self a favour and don't even engage with this one. Block him and move on.

Took me a while to realise but lust most definitely does not equate to love. He's only in it for himself.

Tbh at that age he's probably struggling to get it up anyway, so even if you did sleep with him it would be all talk and no action.

Yuk.

@DatingDinosaur Yes every message seems to somehow revert back to sexual talk. I don’t know if I should say this but he calls me things like ‘little miss’ ‘young miss’ ‘baby girl’ etc etc. I think he’s just enjoying the thrill of it all. I know he probably doesn’t care about me as a person!

Quite frankly that's disgusting, and I'm relatively open minded.

Imagine if you had a daughter/niece/granddaughter/godchild/whatever and she started dating someone like this. What advice would you give her?

Also, I wonder WHY he and his most recent wife have split up?

such an old man did you misread the pist? He's 49, Forty Nine, not 94.
for crying out loud.

@MmeMeursault

Tbh at that age he's probably struggling to get it up anyway, so even if you did sleep with him it would be all talk and no action

WTAF??? AGAIN - He's Forty nine, not 99. How old are you that you think 49 year old men are past it??

they're not

I with the first part of what you say here but what on Earth are you on about in terms of 'getting it up'? He's only 49 fgs, hardly geriatric!

I'm married (26 yrs and counting) to someone 14 yrs older than me, so no issues about older men from me.

I think this has red flags all over it. Creepy in the extreme. Please walk away. Two long term relationships haven't worked out. Them the problem or hmi? You want to be a 3rd?

@Wishingwell24

That age gap isn't ideal. Not now, but in the future, though with his track record you might not need to concern yourself over that!

I think in this particular situation you'd be wise to give it a swerve. You already have 'feels' so you're going to get hurt. If he has just separated from his latest wife he'll be wanting to prove he's 'still got it' & how better to go that, than shag a 24 yo hottie. If you didn't already have some feelings for him then the sex could be good, but in this case you're likely to feel hurt & used.

So you think you have feelings while he has made it clear he is only interested in sex.

Doesn’t matter what his age is, this will end in disaster for you. But I do think the age difference will make it worse for you
Block him and spend sone time working out why you are ok with putting yourself at risk of trauma

Sleazy and inappropriate.

Lol if you want to be disappointed

I don’t even know what to say. I have just received a message from him. he said ‘I actually had the offer of meeting a very good looking lady local for sex after my lad had gone to bed but I have turned her down for you’

Jesus that is so sleazy. Just block him and move on.

I don’t know why he felt the need to tell me that but it’s put me off!

And I bet he didn't turn her down either.

OP he sounds gross .

and yes 49 yr old men are past it to 24 yr old women with healthy boundaries and who have men their age they can be with !!!

besides , sleazebags who chase much younger women are crap lovers because they are selfish twats who value women according to their age

Yuck after reading that, I'd block him, a blatant lie but how off putting.