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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

998 replies

Dancerinthemoonlight · 04/07/2021 00:06

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Shayelle2009 · 14/07/2021 21:04

I’m still off the apps, no irons whatsoever and I’m not missing any of it ☺️

Isitreallyme777 · 14/07/2021 21:10

@Shayelle2009 thank you. I'm off the apps too and I don't miss them either.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I'm okay I think now the final bit has been done and I have her back where she belongs it will start to get easier. I called my ex, who is the only person who is going through the same thing right now, in the end.

I hadn't thought Mr Cricket might be feeling insecure. I keep forgetting that he probably has the same things going through his mind that I do.

Lucky escape with Mr Legal by the sounds of it too. He really sounds quite pushy.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 14/07/2021 21:24

@Isitreallyme777 sending you lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

Isitreallyme777 · 14/07/2021 21:29

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards thank you😘❤. Hope you're feeling a bit better too.

BelladiMamma · 14/07/2021 21:30

Oh jeez I'm just back from a low level date zero which I arranged in my 'MrBeard is pushing me away' phase and it was just ... ugh.

Thinking I might block and unmatch before he gets home? Send a polite thanks but no thanks? I do try to be treated the way I would treat others but ... this guy gives me the creeps.

Shuffleuplove · 14/07/2021 21:31

What was “ugh”? Did you snog?

Shuffleuplove · 14/07/2021 21:33

I sent a message to Mr Finance and he read it and hasn’t responded. Next!

FireandBrimstone · 14/07/2021 21:35

@BelladiMamma eww. In what way creepy?

BelladiMamma · 14/07/2021 21:36

@Shuffleuplove

What was “ugh”? Did you snog?
No I couldn't picture that!
BelladiMamma · 14/07/2021 21:38

[quote FireandBrimstone]@BelladiMamma eww. In what way creepy?[/quote]
He's decided to change career and become a psychotherapist because he 'understands people'. Got pissed off with me being happy enough to have one drink only and then want to leave (I'd just about managed to make it stretch for 90 minutes!). Kept mentioning his 'girlfriends' and his 'lifestyle'.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 14/07/2021 21:38

[quote Isitreallyme777]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards thank you😘❤. Hope you're feeling a bit better too.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme777 you're welcome 😘 I'm getting there slowly, thankfully 🙂 Mr. Specs has been cheering me up today ❤️

BelladiMamma · 14/07/2021 21:39

I genuinely think he's going to one of those negative ones. I'll leave comms open for a few days and quietly block him some time in a week or so ...

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 14/07/2021 21:39

@BelladiMamma what happened? ❤️

Shuffleuplove · 14/07/2021 21:40

@BelladiMamma I think “lifestyle” is a code for swinging.

BelladiMamma · 14/07/2021 21:40

Negative as in he kept trying 'to suss me out' 'let me tell you what I've learnt about you so far' 'there's nothing wrong with chatting up Stacey from accounts when you're having regular sex with your main lady'.

Massive red flags around what he was trying to do / mind read / project.

BelladiMamma · 14/07/2021 21:41

[quote Shuffleuplove]@BelladiMamma I think “lifestyle” is a code for swinging.[/quote]
Indeed. I then chipped in with my one man lifestyle and how I loved the enrichment of monogamy ...

Shuffleuplove · 14/07/2021 21:48

Ugh. Big clench.

SpringlikeBunk · 14/07/2021 21:51

@BelladiMamma I agree I’d just ignore if he messages let it fizzle out - he seems unpleasant and icky. Don’t respond or give him any social ammo or hooks -think “grey rock”

My really psycho fruitcake date was part of the team at a posh rehab centre who got sent out by rich parents to get their children to agree to be admitted.

and I wonder if a lot of the stunts he pulled (card not working/slightly vulnerable couldn’t find parking spot/car keys allegedly didn’t work) were part of the whole “manipulating people against their will” knowledge base.

FireandBrimstone · 14/07/2021 21:53

Bleurgh. I’d be blocking sooner rather than later @BelladiMamma!

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 14/07/2021 21:56

@BelladiMamma ugh! Sounds horrible. 😳 I
agree with @Spring. I would just ignore his messages for now and let it fizzled out naturally. 😘 hope your okay ❤️

SpringlikeBunk · 14/07/2021 21:59

One of my chats has taken off a bit though I don’t want it be OTT as he’s working away. I did due diligence in terms of initial social media check and he seems to have passed.

BelladiMamma · 14/07/2021 22:00

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma I agree I’d just ignore if he messages let it fizzle out - he seems unpleasant and icky. Don’t respond or give him any social ammo or hooks -think “grey rock”

My really psycho fruitcake date was part of the team at a posh rehab centre who got sent out by rich parents to get their children to agree to be admitted.

and I wonder if a lot of the stunts he pulled (card not working/slightly vulnerable couldn’t find parking spot/car keys allegedly didn’t work) were part of the whole “manipulating people against their will” knowledge base.[/quote]
Bloody hell that's a job description?! How grim. Yes, there are people that love to prey on those whom they think are weaker or more vulnerable ... and try to prod a bit here and there to find the weak spot. Grim. Just reminded me of my stalker and my Xanax swilling actor situationship.
Bailed politely but promptly and he was utterly furious, I could see how hard it was for him to control the anger.
Bad fucking luck mate, my mistake

BelladiMamma · 14/07/2021 22:01

@SpringlikeBunk

One of my chats has taken off a bit though I don’t want it be OTT as he’s working away. I did due diligence in terms of initial social media check and he seems to have passed.
Good luck 🤞🏽
FireandBrimstone · 14/07/2021 22:17

@SpringlikeBunk

One of my chats has taken off a bit though I don’t want it be OTT as he’s working away. I did due diligence in terms of initial social media check and he seems to have passed.
Sounds promising!
SpringlikeBunk · 14/07/2021 22:25

Thanks it’s tricky as he’s working away so I don’t want to get into the “daily hi hows your day” inane chat trap but also seems so far so good!

He’s got a manly job which is hot but asked me lots of questions to recommend him books to read before he went which is kind of cute Grin I don’t even know if we’ll stay in touch or meet but nice to have a small interest.