Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@naimee87 on a flipping crisp. They can now fit me in the first week of August with my preferred dentist. It seems like bringing up my medical condition and that my dentist knows about it pulled some strings.

It was a lot of amber flags with the interview yesterday. Trying not to let it get me down but something it's hard. I'm sure the right job will be out there for me. I just wish it would hurry up

[quote VanGoghsDog]@BelladiMamma

I hope it turns out to be very mundane!

MrBeard sounds a bit odd but, to be fair to him, maybe he feels a bit off you coming back when the other person didn't work out?

I'd just keep it a bit low key for now and meet a few people for coffee.

I sort of have the opposite problem of you guys, live alone, no kids, wfh, so bags of time, and spend a lot of it alone. I need to avoid using OLD as my social scene![/quote]
Yes I think he's probably wondering what he's getting into. To be fair, I kept him updated in a respectful / boundaries maintaining way.

He's actually just called me. We've had a good chat. He's calling me back later. Makes me feel like I'm talking to an adult.

Anyway all my daydreams about a sexy summer are out the window as I'm booked in for colposcopy and biopsy next week.

Serves me right 🤦🏻‍♀️

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@naimee87 on a flipping crisp. They can now fit me in the first week of August with my preferred dentist. It seems like bringing up my medical condition and that my dentist knows about it pulled some strings.

It was a lot of amber flags with the interview yesterday. Trying not to let it get me down but something it's hard. I'm sure the right job will be out there for me. I just wish it would hurry up[/quote]
Oh my, what an annoying thing to break a tooth on, you'd never have expected that!

@Dancerinthemoonlight a crisp? that's so funny! Hope it isn't a front tooth. Friend of mine chipped one of his front teeth on a beer bottle while drunk and woke up thinking it was a dream but nope it had really happened. He said does it make me look 'hard' or 'goofy' and i had to go with goofy Luckily he was seen very quickly.

Sorry to hear about the health issues! Wishing you the best of luck @BelladiMamma

@Heartbeats0708 I realised if i don't talk to him about how i feel about his vague answer i'll just get more worried/anxious so i bit the bullet and asked to video chat about his plans to come back. He just called me to say he'll be back saturday so i'm relieved. I think a lot is still in my head and texts are often hard to decipher especially if your mood is a little off you can read things negatively which really aren't negative at all. He drives back with friends so there are multiple stops on the way which is why he was unsure. Now i'm going to (try) and remain calm and just enjoy the idea of seeing him on the weekend. Nice to hear things are going well with MrD and he's more than happy to make himself available for you!

@VanGoghsDog my issue is i get spontaneous time to myself and then have no one to spend it with. My son's 11 so slowly getting his own social circle going and is often at sleepovers or parties. Most of my friends have two or three kids so are busy with the younger ones. I'd like to hope MrElf will be here so i can get together with him even when it isn't planned. Are you still wfh for the forseeable? Will you be happier going back to an office if this is where you were working beforehand.

Are you still wfh for the forseeable? Will you be happier going back to an office if this is where you were working beforehand.

I do fixed term contracts so I am never in a place for long, I've not met anyone from my current role. Contract ends end September so I see no reason to go in, it's not like I need to build relationships, I get on fine with everyone but no need to see them face to face.

We have been given total flexibility about location, at least for the next three months, probably the rest of the year and maybe forever, given a choice, I'd never go in to an office again.
I've never had a social life through any work anyway, partly due to being mostly single with no kids (am always odd), short term contracts, commuting to London abd not wanting to stay after work, colleagues also commute but never from near me, and also being in HR - everyone hates us.

I think I have one friend I met through a job.

I'm super happy with wfh, so far no push to go back to the office luckily. I met a group of really snooty girls at work that added me to a group chat but they all earned a ton of money and made spontaneous plans to very fancy places so i was quickly removed from the group as i certainly didn't fit the bill. I've two really good friends (both gay guys ) but that's about it, rest are 'friends' but mainly colleagues. Personal stuff is rarely shared. I've been in my role 6 years so its not a lot of friends for that amount of time really is it.

@BelladiMamma I am a mainly lurker and very occasional poster. I just wanted to say I had same colposcopy v recently. Don't worry and definitely don't say serves me right! For what?! Not your fault and will probably come to nothing x

@naimee87 thankfully it's a back tooth so it's not noticeable. It's also the back the back tooth aswell.

@BelladiMamma - fingers crossed that everything goes well for you.

I spoke to MrMud about my worries about never having any free time together. He said it had crossed his mind too, and he was thinking of changing his childcare weekends with his ex over the holidays so that we could see each other. So i guess he must be quite keen to go to those lengths?! I'm glad I asked now as that is a weight off of my mind!

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@naimee87 thankfully it's a back tooth so it's not noticeable. It's also the back the back tooth aswell.[/quote]
@Dancerinthemoonlight my problem is with my back teeth too 😘 glad you're getting it fixed ❤️

@Happysinglemum72

I think I know the answer to this… been dating a guy from OLD for two months. He lives quite away from me so we can only meet up every other weekend. However in between it feels very disconnected. No phone calls ( I have suggested this once) just texts, and not many each day. So it’s our weekend this weekend and he’s coming up Saturday afternoon leaving Sunday…. Last time it was Friday afternoon and left Sunday morning… I’m a booty call aren’t I? Trouble is I quite like him but feel like im doing the chasing. After two months surely it should be more than this?

This happens a lot with online dating where there are kids and distance in the mix. It's really difficult to make more of it without premature meeting of the kids. I've tried in the past with phone calls, messaging and so on, but it is just a killer, not spending enough time together to do things, and then the time spent together being mainly sex. It leaves both parties feeling that something is not right. It's worth bringing up - your chap might be feeling it too.

The answers ? Midweek dinner dates, babysitters on both sides ? Calling in favours from ex-s to extend child free time ? Making plans for the whole of the weekends every now and then - hard I know, with life admin required. It's quite an effort to take it to the relationship level I think.

[quote Bythecooker]@BelladiMamma I am a mainly lurker and very occasional poster. I just wanted to say I had same colposcopy v recently. Don't worry and definitely don't say serves me right! For what?! Not your fault and will probably come to nothing x[/quote]
Thank you. I felt full of it and ready to take on the world and blokes ... then feel like I've fallen flat on my face. I do remember getting really stressed about it on my twenties and it turned out fine then too xxx

@BelladiMamma 🤞 all ok. I had to have that during lockdown following a dodgy smear result but thankfully all OK

@BelladiMamma that is exactly how I felt a month ago. Instantly deleted all conversations and not quite ready to consider it yet even though all OK. Just be kind to yourself and calm and maybe take a break from new chats until you've had appointment and mind put at rest.

@Happysinglemum72

I think I know the answer to this… been dating a guy from OLD for two months. He lives quite away from me so we can only meet up every other weekend. However in between it feels very disconnected. No phone calls ( I have suggested this once) just texts, and not many each day. So it’s our weekend this weekend and he’s coming up Saturday afternoon leaving Sunday…. Last time it was Friday afternoon and left Sunday morning… I’m a booty call aren’t I? Trouble is I quite like him but feel like im doing the chasing. After two months surely it should be more than this?

I think it's what works for you. This level of communication and engagement does not work for you. Wouldn't work for me either. You're either a booty call or he's wanting time to see friends/do activities at the weekend. You'll have to flush him out. If he's into you he'll make more of an effort if you tell him how you feel. If it's a causal/sex thing for him then you'll find that out too and you can move on. Good luck.

I'm in a quandary now. Video chatted with Mr Legal last night - too soon I think, I prefer phone or meet after chat. So I was quite feisty because I felt he'd put me on the spot. And I was drinking wine. We agreed a date anyway - I didn't particularly fancy him on video but I don't like judging people until I've met them + I have no plans all week and wanted to have a plan.

He then texted me today saying I'm probably too confrontational for him and he'd lost his fun vibe so despite finding me attractive he thought we should cancel our date. I replied saying I agreed, I find video calls confrontational and phone calls more relaxed and intimate so I wished him good luck.

Then I get this:

"I don't want to give up on you. You have plenty of promise beneath that tough exterior🙏
Can I ring you later or a bit of Badoo banter after I have had a couple of 🥂😉
See if we can re-engage🤞?💐💋🤗"

Pathetic, right? If I had other irons in the fire, or plans with friends, or anything remotely interesting going on in my life, I would just say no. But I'm actually considering having a chat on the phone just to see if his vibe is different. And because I've never seen so many potatoes in my life! I want to come off the apps!

belladi sorry about your news - good luck 💐

@WeWantTheFinestWines I've had similar with an iron before where messages/first impressions just got a bit misconstrued. We agreed to start over and it actually turned out well (not in the long run but it wasn't anything related). If he's got something about him then I say give it a go. But if you're looking for an 'out' then take it!

heartbeat that's it exactly... am I looking for an out...

Ew. I’d give him a swerve. If you can’t be yourself then what’s the point? Too confrontational? Pfft.

Maybe have an excuse to get off the phone in mind or sleep on it? I'm not sure just how confrontational you were/how different that is to normal but I'm quite feisty too and it's a useful filter for the controlling types, they try to put a stop to it. Go with your gut on this one!

Yes, I did say I'd prefer phone to video, but he insisted. And when we were planning the date he later cancelled, when I suggested a time to meet he wondered if that would leave me enough time to get home from work and get ready first. Like I hadn't thought of that already! Possible signs of controlling behaviour... God I love this thread. I'm going to say no thanks. His Badoo banter was good but that's not enough.

Evening everyone! Not much going on with me, I picked up my cat's ashes yesterday and had a little cry on the way home, just felt so final. I didn't want to bother Mr Cricket even though I know he would have messaged back, but he is on holiday with his daughter so it didn't feel the right time to message him with my sad news.

My lodger is moving out but has the arse with me for some reason, it isn't my fault her move isn't going to plan but I need a definite answer on whether she is moving out as I need to advertise her room if she is!

oh and Mr Cricket was asking me if i was still on Tinder and had been on any dates last week(he isn't). I might be over thinking things and he was just being curious but who knows anymore.🤣🤷‍♀️

Isitreally hope you're ok. Maybe Mr Cricket is feeling insecure?

I told Mr Legal it wasn't going to go any further. I said sorry and explained that his insistence on a video call had made me feel uncomfortable. This was his reply:

I am sure you are a delight to be with in the flesh🤥🤥🤥
Good luck🤞

One swerved. Back in the SoT for him. Back on the apps for me.

@BelladiMamma sorry to hear about your update, I hope everything turns out to be all fine after all 💛

@Isitreallyme777 feel sorry for you with kitty 💗