Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Good luck @Misty! ❤️

Well my sausage fest is no more. I'm not feeling great after a follow up appointment at the hospital and MrBeard has suggested we don't meet. I'm a bit annoyed he didn't wait for me to suggest it. So maybe he is another sex hound? Eg when it was clear sex wasn't on the cards he cooled off - but equally I did give him a blow by blow account of how shit I was feeling.

Communication is a nightmare isn't it. First time I've been questioning where we're both at.

Oh no @BelladiMamma , sorry. Firstly sorry about the follow up appointment. I hope you're ok.
Secondly sorry about the crap communication and the cancellation. The way I read it, he probably was thinking you just weren't up to meeting and wanted to gracefully back off principally out of thoughtfulness to you rather than because sex wasn't on the cards. But yeah the whole thing is ripe for misinterpretation, especially if you were feeling miserable and actually needing a bit of a lift.

@FireandBrimstone

Oh no *@BelladiMamma* , sorry. Firstly sorry about the follow up appointment. I hope you're ok. Secondly sorry about the crap communication and the cancellation. The way I read it, he probably was thinking you just weren't up to meeting and wanted to gracefully back off principally out of thoughtfulness to you rather than because sex wasn't on the cards. But yeah the whole thing is ripe for misinterpretation, especially if you were feeling miserable and actually needing a bit of a lift.

Yes I think I'm a bit vulnerable what with the knock to the head, the bruised pelvis and the news today I was going to have to have an operation in September 😞

Gah! Life!

Ughh Bella that really is a hell of a lot to be going on. Hope you have used this evening for a wee bit of self care - tomorrow is another day and I bet Mr Beard is ready to reconnect when you are.

Just had a phone chat with Mr Teacher. He has quite the West Country accent, and a lovely voice, and I'm a bit giddy! We're on the same page politically, he loves live gigs and keeps up with new music, he has a really good relationship with his ex wife and kids, he speaks three languages, he loves his job, and he wants to come down for a seaside walk and dip next week, which would be our date zero... Don't get invested, don't get invested....

Hope you have a great evening Misty!

I hope you get some clarity on Mr Beard bella

WeWantTheFinestWines I can completely fall for someone if they have a lovely voice, and doubly so if they have an interesting accent, so I hear you! It's hard not to get invested...

@BelladiMamma, really sorry to hear that you are facing an operation. Mr Beard is almost certainly giving you some space to focus on your health. And that’s obviously your priority at the moment although I’m sure he would have provided a welcome distraction. Hopefully you will find an opportunity to meet soon and at least work out if the chemistry is there in person

4 hour long lovely date with guy from Bumble tonight, he was very complimentary, similar hobbies and attitudes to life, we laughed all evening but also some companionable silences, he didn't get scared off by my coeliac disease and he's a great kisser. Seeing him again Sunday. Now have zero desire to follow up on any of the other guys on the app!

Enjoy @Misty9

Sorry to hear that @BelladiMamma I agree just take your time to do self-care, and maybe like other say, "put MrBeard on the bench" in your head for now.

It's a tough one with "feeling vulnerable or having issues" early on when dating?

I guess I don't want a "problem-solver type" who wants to dive in and use it as an excuse for intimacy who is drawn to trauma. That's no good (and if they want "to know all my vulnerabilities" that's a massive red flag).

But equally I guess I want someone who says "let me know if you need anything" as if they were a friend? Even if I never take them up. that's just courtesy.

yay @flipperdoda

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Mr Specs was at the cinema last night.

I mentioned that it was ages since I had been to the cinema.

He said 'you'll have to take me then.' 😊

So who knows, a date might be on the horizon soon ❤️

No, he'll have to take you!

@SpringlikeBunk

Enjoy *@Misty9*

Sorry to hear that @BelladiMamma I agree just take your time to do self-care, and maybe like other say, "put MrBeard on the bench" in your head for now.

It's a tough one with "feeling vulnerable or having issues" early on when dating?

I guess I don't want a "problem-solver type" who wants to dive in and use it as an excuse for intimacy who is drawn to trauma. That's no good (and if they want "to know all my vulnerabilities" that's a massive red flag).

But equally I guess I want someone who says "let me know if you need anything" as if they were a friend? Even if I never take them up. that's just courtesy.

Yes I remember our conversations about vulnerability. And it made me think of how I got together with MrBear, I'd been ill for a couple Of days with a tummy thing and I said I don't think we should meet. Instead he drove down to see me and invited himself round with the hook of cooking a meal for me. And then proceeded to erode a few boundaries, in a low key I'm just trying to help way, but it really pissed me off in the end. Obviously not comparable to some of the controlling and domineering alpha bullies I've been involved with in my time - but nonetheless it was definitely a cycle of encroachment - a little bit here, a little bit there.

MrBeard hasn't asked if he can do anything. But he's stayed in touch and says he wants me to be somewhere I'm safe and comfortable and he's dying to see me.

Thanks for the wise words @SpringlikeBunk I do appreciate them

@flipperdoda

4 hour long lovely date with guy from Bumble tonight, he was very complimentary, similar hobbies and attitudes to life, we laughed all evening but also some companionable silences, he didn't get scared off by my coeliac disease and he's a great kisser. Seeing him again Sunday. Now have zero desire to follow up on any of the other guys on the app!

How blooming lovely 🥰

@Onesmallstep67 @FireandBrimstone @WeWantTheFinestWines thank you so much for your kind words ♥️ I feel like I've had an OLD thread group hug 🤗

Adding to the group hug @BelladiMamma and hoping you're not too uncomfortable with it whilst waiting for your operation so interesting about the cycle of encroachment you mention, I definitely had that with Mr O. He always framed it as "wanting to look after me" but the reality was he wanted to come over, order takeaway that I inevitably paid for and relax at my house 🙄 it really pissed me off in the end too (and he rarely made me feel better!!).
Great news @flipperdoda sounds like a lovely evening!
How did it go @Misty9?
We're nearly ready for a new thread!

Thanks for the welcome @FireandBrimstone. I used to do stuff like that when my DS was younger but now he understands the situation, I don't feel the need to put on a pretence. His DD is 15 and they were all sharing the same room.
I'm not paying for any membership on the dating apps so it's difficult to see who 'likes' you unless you somehow 'match'. Badoo gives you more free options though. Are you using apps?

@Misty9 - sex without expectation, lol, I really need to try that! I'm awful - I've been known to cry during sex if it's rubbish. Awkward.

Morning all and thanks for the good wishes! I'm quite tired... the expectation bit I referred to is expectation about anything more than sex, not about the sex itself...that needs to be good

It was lovely and I burned the dinner as we were a bit busy then we talked again this morning and he again mentioned that he'd accept if I wanted to be with someone else and have him as well?! I said don't be silly and don't undersell yourself. I'm thinking, because I essentially chose someone else when we first met (2 first dates in close succession and I felt I should go with the first guy - I was upfront with Mr BE about the situation. It didn't work with the other guy and Mr BE stayed on the scene) that he's now thinking I'll hurt him? He seems to think I'm too good for him, just because we have quite different backgrounds too. I said I'm in this whether he is or not. He says he is. So his words can be confusing but his actions are that he wants to be with me. We'll see. The summer holidays will be a bit of a test as we won't be able to see each other for a couple of weeks...

Sorry, I feel I'm dominating the thread a bit

@Misty9

Morning all and thanks for the good wishes! I'm quite tired... the expectation bit I referred to is expectation about anything more than sex, not about the sex itself...that needs to be good

It was lovely and I burned the dinner as we were a bit busy then we talked again this morning and he again mentioned that he'd accept if I wanted to be with someone else and have him as well?! I said don't be silly and don't undersell yourself. I'm thinking, because I essentially chose someone else when we first met (2 first dates in close succession and I felt I should go with the first guy - I was upfront with Mr BE about the situation. It didn't work with the other guy and Mr BE stayed on the scene) that he's now thinking I'll hurt him? He seems to think I'm too good for him, just because we have quite different backgrounds too. I said I'm in this whether he is or not. He says he is. So his words can be confusing but his actions are that he wants to be with me. We'll see. The summer holidays will be a bit of a test as we won't be able to see each other for a couple of weeks...

Sorry, I feel I'm dominating the thread a bit

You're not dominating the thread at all. It's great to get dating updates. That's what we're here for 🤗

Hi all,

Back asking for some female advice - is it just a bad time to be dating at the moment? I've not had much luck over the last few weeks to the point I've deleted all my profiles. A few women I've seen once or twice are all either taking forever to respond now or complaining about being too busy. Is this the post-lockdown rush to see family and friends again combined with most workplaces being busy due to staffing issues? I seem to remember I had a similar lull in fortunes this time last year but it picked up again towards the autumn.

For context, I am mid 30s looking for ideally early - mid 30s. Most of my luck has been on Hinge so far. Bumble I have to dip in and out of as once my initial boost has waned, I get maybe a match every 2 weeks if I'm lucky

New thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4304035-Dating-Thread-208-sausage-fest-summer?watched=1