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Relationships

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Original poster

Girlfriend is pregnant but she doesn't know if I'm the father

119 replies

Scott33 · 28/09/2020 09:22

So, my girlfriend and I last slept together about 4 weeks ago. Shortly after we had an argument and broke up. She slept with someone else two weeks ago and now she's pregnant. She says this other guy pulled out but that he may have been a bit slow to pull out in time if you know what I mean.
We got one of those ClearBlue tests and it showed that she was two weeks pregnant.
Would it be fair to say that it's unlikely to be my baby? I realise these clear blue tests are not a cast iron gurantee.
Is there any way of getting a prenatal dna test?

Also, just to clarify, if it is mine I have told her that I will stand by her and take care of her and the baby, but there is no way I could bring up someone elses baby.

OP posts:

TwentyViginti · 28/09/2020 09:28

If she has had unprotected sex with someone else, she needs an STI check - as do you if you've had sex with her since.

It seems neither of you use contraception?

Cabinfever10 · 28/09/2020 09:42

There's just as much chance of the baby yours as the other guy. I would do nothing until the baby is born and you have had a DNA test

user27378 · 28/09/2020 09:43

I think I am right to say that the clear blue ones date from conception. Whereas pregnancy is dated from LMP (first day of last period) officially. So of a midwife said she was 4 weeks pregnant, she would have conceived 2 weeks ago and the clear blue would show 2 weeks. Obviously the clear blues aren't entirely accurate, I think they only say by week and not day. So you will have to wait for the dating scan. Just bare in mind now they date from LMP, as it often causes confusion. But based off that test, it sounds more likely to be the one night stand. I'm sorry you are in this situation, what a nightmare. I believe you can get a DNA test during pregnancy but they are insanely expensive.

CakeRequired · 28/09/2020 09:45

Wait until baby is born and get a dna test. Chances are it's the other guys, but you never know. I wouldn't go to any appointments though, although I don't think you're allowed anyway. If you went to appointments and saw the baby in scans, learnt the sex of the baby, it will be heart breaking for you if it's not yours.

Just wait and get a dna test.

justanotherneighinparadise · 28/09/2020 09:45

Well my first question is did you have unprotected sex with her as well?

user27378 · 28/09/2020 09:50

I've just found this old thread, and several others similar. So it looks like you need to wait for the dating scan to have a better idea.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/722064-Clearblue-digital-conception-indicator-how-accurate

Original poster

Scott33 · 28/09/2020 10:04

@justanotherneighinparadise

Well my first question is did you have unprotected sex with her as well?

Yes I did. We had talked about having a baby before so I it wasn't a problem. It was actually during her period so I imagine the chances of it being mine are less

OP posts:

purplesky18 · 28/09/2020 10:21

If you had sex with her on her period, and the other guy slept with her 2 weeks after (probably around ovulation time) and then she’s found out she’s pregnant 2 weeks after that, it’s not your baby. Or at least the chances of it being your baby are very very slim. Sorry.

AllsortsofAwkward · 28/09/2020 10:25

Please get an sti check, its extremely unlikely the baby is you'res.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/09/2020 10:26

It’s highly unlikely she conceived while on her period.

MJMG2015 · 28/09/2020 10:40

Did you get back together with her before she told you she was pregnant?

Do you love her? Like properly love her?

How old are you both?

user27378 · 28/09/2020 10:41

You can't conceive during a period. Ovulation is 2 weeks after period usually, and this also ties in with the test so it is highly likely to be the other guys.

thecatsarecrazy · 28/09/2020 10:45

I got pregnant with my 3rd son 2 days after my period ended

022828MAN · 28/09/2020 10:46

Sorry OP, but this whole situation sounds like a disaster and I'd advise you to take a huge step away from her.
By all means if the baby is yours after a post-natal DNA test then step up but don't put yourself through 9 months of hell when the chance are it's not yours. Sorry.

Original poster

Scott33 · 28/09/2020 10:46

@MJMG2015

Did you get back together with her before she told you she was pregnant?

Do you love her? Like properly love her?

How old are you both?

Yes we got back together before she told me, but to be fair she didn't know she was pregnant (I assume), we only did the test the other day when her period didn't start. Yes, I properly loved her, but there's no way I could bring up another mans child from a one night stand, it would just kill me! we're in our 30s

OP posts:

contrary13 · 28/09/2020 10:51

Perhaps I'm old, but the fact that you had unprotected sex, then broke up 4 weeks ago, she had unprotected sex with someone 2 weeks ago, and now you're seemingly back together in a relationship (which presumably involves sex, which is probably unprotected) baffles me.

No, it's unlikely to be your child.

STI tests all round. Give this woman (or, in more likelihood, girl) enough space to work out what she wants to do regarding a decision that is hers, and hers alone to make, without emotional blackmail of "if it's mine..." bullshit, and please, please, please grasp the concept of contraception/condoms before this happens again (and again, and again, and again) to you.

giletrouge · 28/09/2020 10:56

In your 30s - yes, but like 30, or 39? Vital difference if we're looking at maturity and children. Does she want this baby, by the way?

Otterhound · 28/09/2020 10:58

You broke up, she had unprotected sex you got back together.

Chances are extremely high the baby isnt yours and i would be far from happy if someone put my sexual health at risk.

BalloonRide · 28/09/2020 11:13

You do both sound very irresponsible I'm afraid. It's a reckless way to bring a child into the world - the poor thing. Please get STI checks (her as well for the safety of her baby) and next time try not to be so quick to move onto or back into relationships. You sound much younger than 30's. You won't know if it's yours until you can do a DNA test as there is no other way of confirming.

SpaceOP · 28/09/2020 11:13

Well, if she had sex with another man 2 weeks ago, technically it could be his but the pregnancy test would only JUSt be registering that she's pregnant. when did she take the first test? Realistically, it could be either of you at this stage.

MandosHatHair · 28/09/2020 11:18

It's very unlikely to be your child if you had sex on her period, more likely to be the other man's.

There isn't really anything you can do until the baby is here and a DNA test can be carried out.

For the love of God, please use condoms in future!!

Original poster

Scott33 · 28/09/2020 11:20

@SpaceOP

She took the first test on Saturday which showed she was pregnant. Then we went out and got a clearblue test and it said two weeks.

OP posts:

Starlight39 · 28/09/2020 11:21

From what you've said, that you had sex on her period (usually non fertile time) and he had sex with her 2 weeks after her period (right in the middle of the usual fertile time), the other man is most likely the father. However, you need to do a DNA test to be sure.

I think it's quite expensive but you can do a DNA test from her blood during pregnancy to determine paternity although she needs to be a bit further along.

Porcupineinwaiting · 28/09/2020 11:54

Are you really in your 30s, you sound about 16. Maybe dont be so casual next time you're thinking of bringing a child into the world.

Original poster

Scott33 · 28/09/2020 12:00

@Porcupineinwaiting

Are you really in your 30s, you sound about 16. Maybe dont be so casual next time you're thinking of bringing a child into the world.

I think I'm handling it quite well. Most men would tell the woman to get lost in these circumstances. I didn't ask her to sleep with another man, but I'm prepared to step up if the child is mine.

OP posts:

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