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Original poster

Girlfriend is pregnant but she doesn't know if I'm the father

119 replies

Scott33 · 28/09/2020 09:22

So, my girlfriend and I last slept together about 4 weeks ago. Shortly after we had an argument and broke up. She slept with someone else two weeks ago and now she's pregnant. She says this other guy pulled out but that he may have been a bit slow to pull out in time if you know what I mean.
We got one of those ClearBlue tests and it showed that she was two weeks pregnant.
Would it be fair to say that it's unlikely to be my baby? I realise these clear blue tests are not a cast iron gurantee.
Is there any way of getting a prenatal dna test?

Also, just to clarify, if it is mine I have told her that I will stand by her and take care of her and the baby, but there is no way I could bring up someone elses baby.

OP posts:
IHateCoronavirus · 28/09/2020 15:51

No one will blame you for ending it now given what she has done.

FourPlasticRings · 28/09/2020 15:52

@Scott33

And yes, I desperately want the baby to be mine, I guess I'm just clutching at straws posting on here
I'm so sorry you're in this situation, OP. In the long term though, it may work out for the best. Everything happens for a reason and all that. Flowers
AltoCation · 28/09/2020 15:59

Very difficult situation, for both of you.

Is she inclined to keep the pregnancy whatever the likelihood of paternity?

It seems very much as it is likely not to be yours. Sad

perfumeistooexpensive · 28/09/2020 16:03

There's a two week gap between you having sex with her and the other man. I think a dating scan should be able to differentiate between the two of you. The sooner she had this, once appropriate, should sort this out. You can always do a DNA test once baby is born to double check.

discoveryspoon · 28/09/2020 17:11

If she went out and had sex with someone else so soon... I would really doubt the way she feels about you I'm afraid.

Sorry. Bad situation all round.

Opentooffers · 28/09/2020 17:16

How desperate for baby was she before you split? She would of known at the time she slept unprotected with someone else that she was at her most fertile, yet in the 3 days after she could of had the morning after pill. Could it be that your GF wanted a baby more than any particular man?
I think you will see based on her actions, that going back to her, whoever's baby this is, will be a mistake. A baby doesn't fix a relationship with problems whether it's yours or not.

SoulofanAggron · 28/09/2020 17:20

The pull out method is not a reliable method and I think it a bit daft tbh. Condoms! Chlamydia is quite common foor a start. And wow, imagine relying on pulling out as one's primary form of contraception.

I think @Open has it right, on some level she wants to get pregnant in whatever way possible. Some women really feel that clock ticking in their 30s.

BewilderedDoughnut · 28/09/2020 17:33

You sound SO naive. Learn how to use contraception. Get an STI test.

I'd get a DNA test when the baby is born. If its not yours, run and never look back. But whoever you see next for God's sake use a condom!!

Scweltish · 28/09/2020 17:38

It’s extremely unlikely to be yours, for all of the reasons other people have stated. Are you planning on staying together now? What will you do if she has the baby and the dna rest says it’s not yours?

Scweltish · 28/09/2020 17:42

@BewilderedDoughnut

You sound SO naive. Learn how to use contraception. Get an STI test.

I'd get a DNA test when the baby is born. If its not yours, run and never look back. But whoever you see next for God's sake use a condom!!

Why do people have to be so nasty and judgemental? They’re in their 30’s, they were actively trying for a baby (hence the lack of contraception). We have no idea of the circumstances of the break up. And it’s hardly the op’s fault that his ex has gone out and slept with someone a couple weeks later.
BewilderedDoughnut · 28/09/2020 17:49

@Scweltish actively trying for a baby in a relationship about as stable as a house of cards in a tornado. 30s or not, these people are naive!

BewilderedDoughnut · 28/09/2020 17:59

@Scott33 And yes, I desperately want the baby to be mine

Why??? Not exactly the romance of the century splitting up and her banging someone else within two weeks. I'd consider it a lucky escape!

Original poster
Scott33 · 28/09/2020 18:08

For those that asked, I won't be staying with her during the preganancy. I think if I stayed with her and that found out it wasn't mine it would devastate me. At the moment she's saying she's probably not going to keep it anyway.
Yes I will go back to her if she gets rid of it, and in all likelyhood, we'll try again. We do have a strong relationship but people make mistakes.
Can't help it if I love the woman! Smile

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 28/09/2020 21:48

Good luck OP. I think you'll need it with this person.

Gazelda · 28/09/2020 22:15

@Scott33

For those that asked, I won't be staying with her during the preganancy. I think if I stayed with her and that found out it wasn't mine it would devastate me. At the moment she's saying she's probably not going to keep it anyway. Yes I will go back to her if she gets rid of it, and in all likelyhood, we'll try again. We do have a strong relationship but people make mistakes. Can't help it if I love the woman! Smile
Have you told her this? Have you told her that you won't stay with her in case the baby isn't yours, but you'll get back with her if she terminates and then you can try again? If you've said this to her, my opinion of you has changed somewhat.
RoloTamasi · 28/09/2020 22:24

@Scott33

I just wanted to clarify something, when she had sex with this guy she says he pulled out but he did say that some might have gone in. This is what is casting doubt on the whole situation for me.
Do you believe that a person who goes from trying for a baby in a committed relationship to having unprotected sex with some other guy in the space of a couple weeks is likely to tell you the complete truth about that encounter?

He did not pull out. She's casting doubt on the situation so you'll stick around. Do what you think is for the best, but do it with your eyes open.

Appleofmyeye05 · 28/09/2020 22:37

If you google the clear blue tests it gives you instruction on how to ‘read’ it. It will say 2 weeks but you add another 2 weeks on for conception. It’s so confusing. The doctor will date her pregnancy from her last period or if she isn’t regular then it will be dates from the scan but I believe you still give the 2 weeks for ovulation and conception.

On top of this, semen can live inside someone up to a week and conception can happen at any point during this time.

You can google and get conception calculators but again it’s just a estimate and having been there myself, don’t drive yourself cuckoo obsessing over it. The result will be what it is and no one can change it.

Prenatal DNA tests can be risky as she may lose the baby through this.

If she is keeping the baby regardless of paternity then wait till the baby is born and have it done. You can pick them up for £100

mummyof2lou · 28/09/2020 22:39

Wow, shocked that a couple planning a baby could act so immaturely. Splitting up weeks after trying for a baby, she sleeps with someone else and now referring to her 'getting rid of it'. The 'it' is a baby. An unfortunate one coming into this mess for sure. I think your relationship sounds beyond messy, but I hope all three of you grow up and do what's best for the baby after this start.

Appleofmyeye05 · 28/09/2020 22:42

@RoloTamasi

Even if he did pull out you can conceive through pre-ejaculation so it makes absolutely no difference if he did or didn’t pull out.

She has told the OP there is a chance of another man being the father so she has told the truth.

Appleofmyeye05 · 28/09/2020 22:44

I hope this young woman has some support, I bet she is going through a lot of different emotions right now.

monkeymonkey2010 · 28/09/2020 22:48

it doesn't sound like either of you are mature enough to be parents - baby's are not pets!

you both need to grow up and get some self respect and start taking responsibility for your own health and bodies....and you are an utter, complete fool for choosing to have unprotected sex when your 'relationship' is a farce.

monkeymonkey2010 · 28/09/2020 22:51

I bet she is going through a lot of different emotions right now
...yea....like "which one of the two empty headed morons i slept with can i convince into financially subsidising my lifestyle for at least the next 18 years?"

MJMG2015 · 28/09/2020 23:21

@Scott33

For those that asked, I won't be staying with her during the preganancy. I think if I stayed with her and that found out it wasn't mine it would devastate me. At the moment she's saying she's probably not going to keep it anyway. Yes I will go back to her if she gets rid of it, and in all likelyhood, we'll try again. We do have a strong relationship but people make mistakes. Can't help it if I love the woman! Smile
'If she gets rid of it'

FMD

You don't love her. It's all about you.

You'd happily see her have a termination, even if it's yours.

You wouldn't raise 'another mans baby' it's HER baby & you don't love her enough to stick by her through her pregnant & to bring up the baby she's carrying.

Children are SO much more than DNA

LOVE is so much more than wanting to fuck someone.

RelaisBlu · 28/09/2020 23:32

"if she gets rid of it"

You sound so immature

Notcoolmum · 28/09/2020 23:36

I agree it doesn't sound like you love her. We don't know the circumstances of your break up or why she ended up in bed with another man. But you would
Leave her to face either a pregnancy or termination on her own. But would happily get her pregnant again once she has conveniently 'got rid' of a Foetus that may, or may not, be yours. Having a termination can be a very emotional experience for a woman. And you appear to expect her to be happy to crack on with trying to conceive straight away after terminating her current pregnancy.