Girlfriend is pregnant but she doesn't know if I'm the father

[Scott33]

So, my girlfriend and I last slept together about 4 weeks ago. Shortly after we had an argument and broke up. She slept with someone else two weeks ago and now she's pregnant. She says this other guy pulled out but that he may have been a bit slow to pull out in time if you know what I mean.
We got one of those ClearBlue tests and it showed that she was two weeks pregnant.
Would it be fair to say that it's unlikely to be my baby? I realise these clear blue tests are not a cast iron gurantee.
Is there any way of getting a prenatal dna test?

Also, just to clarify, if it is mine I have told her that I will stand by her and take care of her and the baby, but there is no way I could bring up someone elses baby.

It is immaturity to split up and get back together so rashly, and certainly an ill-thought through time to try to start a family.

Well I think you just answered your question. If the last time you had sex with her was during her period then the baby is the other mans.

Stepping up if the child is yours isnt a favour you are doing the mother, no matter who she sleeps with. It's something any half decent bloke would do (you dont of course have to be in a relationship with her to do this).

One minute you're happy to risk conceiving a child with this woman, next you are split up, next you are back together (so clearly the reason for the split wasnt a major one) . How about thinking a lot more carefully about what sort of relationship you bring a child into before you ride in bare back?

She took the first test on Saturday which showed she was pregnant. Then we went out and got a clearblue test and it said two weeks.

The clear blue test said 2-3 weeks I assume ?

That test measures weeks past conception, so if you had sex with her four weeks ago and the other guy had sex with her three weeks ago then I s going to be the other guy. There’s a tiny possibility it’s yours if your speed hung around a long time inside her and she ovulated early. But I suspect that won’t be the case and you both need to assume it’s not yours.

It's very very unlikely to be your baby with those dates. I suppose there's a tiny chance but it's extremely unlikely.

*sperm

A women on her period is considered an infertile time in a women’s cycle.

It’s extremely unlikely you are the father.

It's more likely to be the other man's but there is a possibility that it is yours too. You're going to have to do a DNA test

Fucking hell, I would have assumed the both of you were all of 15.

End the relationship, wait until the baby is born and then have a DNA test. In the meantime, get an STI test and use protection if you have sex with someone. Stop being so fucking irresponsible.

The smart money is on it being the other guy's, I'm afraid. Sorry. Do still get a test when you can, but I wouldn't be going along to scans etc if I were you, unless doing so as a friend.

As other posters have said, it's quite likely the other man's.
Is she in touch with him?

Does she know you don't feel able to parent the baby if it's not yours and you will therefore be ending the relationship? Has she told any friends or family - she must be in turmoil.
I feel sorry for both of you in this situation.

but I'm prepared to step up if the child is mine.

How noble of you .

You might be able to tell be the dating scan. If she can remember the two dates she had unprotected sex, there are calculators online where you can calculate how many weeks pregnant you are from the date of conception rather than last period. Once she is told how many weeks pregshe is, you could try that, but it still may not be very accurate and a dna test is the only was to know for certain.

So whats going to happen if she has the baby and its not yours? Dump her? Better to end it now so she can decide if she wants to be a single mother or not.

You both come across as emotionally stunted 15 year olds not fully functional adults!!

Highly unlikely to be yours. If you had sex during her period, it's highly unlikely she conceived during that time. In all probability, it's the other man's child.
Like other posters have said, I would step away and wait for the DNA results. The more you get involved in this pregnancy the more upset you will be when you find out that the child is not yours which given the sequence of events is the most likely outcome.
Wish you all the best.

What a shitty situation you are in. Would you really want a baby with someone who jumps straight into bed with another man ??

Awful situation. I would wait until the baby is born and get a DNA test. Even if it is yours, I would consider supporting the baby as co-parents rather than together. The relationship sounds quite fragile and it might be better to be apart.

Think the OP asked for opinions on the probability of him being the father not to assess his maturity or his GFs.

Shame on MN how so many want to look down and tell people how rubbish they are isn't it. So tired of it! Would think taking the time to be unnecessarily nasty to someone is an indicator of maturity too...

I'm sorry I do think it's more likely the father is the other guy but the dating scan will give a better indication and a DNA test would give you a certain answer.

Sounds like a horrible situation, hope that you're okay.

I conceived very shortly after the end of my period, when it would be considered a highly infertile time. But, when I did my test shortly after my period was due, it showed straight as 3+ weeks. My original dates were based on me conceiving 2 weeks after my period, as is usual, but the dating scan showed I was a week ahead, so it is possible for sperm to hang around and for someone to ovulate early, and so it could be yours, but in all likelihood is that it's the other guys.

It is totally unfair for ppl to be having a go at the OP ( although I can guess why they are doing it to HIM).
Just for those who missed it:
a) They were having unprotected sex because they were trying for a baby.
b) It doesn't say why they split up or who instigate it.
c) He is unlikely to be the one who choose for her to have unprotested sex with someone else.
d) I assume stepping up means he would support the mother ( whether is a relationship or not) and not referring to the baby as this is a given.
It strikes me that any man having unprotected sex with another woman would be called all sorts of things, including a cheater (in that it is likely the relationship had started a long while back)

As others have said it is unlikely to be yours but there is always a chance, so yes you will need a DNA ( and get an STI test done for both of you now)
As for the relationship, the choice is yours, but I wonder if you both would find more happiness with other ppl.

Unprotected sex with a ONS... not impressive. Does she even know his name or where to get hold of him?

I find it very wreckless behaviour for a woman in her 30s to have unprotected sex with a stranger, where pregnancy would leave her left holding the baby quite literally.

Yes...the guy should have also used protection, but he doesn't have a baby growing inside him and it always affects a woman more.

I just wanted to clarify something, when she had sex with this guy she says he pulled out but he did say that some might have gone in. This is what is casting doubt on the whole situation for me.

I think I'm handling it quite well.

I agree and ignore saying you sound 16.

I can guarantee if it was you who slept with another woman so quickly and she got pregnant...ppl would be telling your GF to dump you...that you're not a keeper and obviously don't love her if you were sleeping with another woman after an argument.

Men get a raw deal on here and the double standards are ridiculous.

Ignore the opinions on your maturity.

And yes, I desperately want the baby to be mine, I guess I'm just clutching at straws posting on here

Op I’m sorry. This must’ve very difficult for you but I suspect pps are being blunt with you to help you emotionally step away and protect yourself from worse heartache.

It is very, very, very unlikely that your sperm fertilised that egg. It takes more than a fertile egg to create the right environment for fertilisation, including the right kind of cervical mucus, the kind that would have been present around the time of her one night stand.

During menstruation, when you had sex, the Vaginal/cervical/uterine environment is hostile to sperm.

Pulling out is also not reliable. For one, pre-cum contains thousands upon thousands of sperm, and for two she only has his word for it, and indeed you only have hers (sorry but she doesn’t seem that trustworthy) I would read “some might have gone in.” As “we got carried away but the intention was he was going to pull out.”

Takes deep breath and think about the kind of life you want to lead. You are still young. Lots of time to find the one, settle down and have your own children.

If you stay invested and the baby is not yours, come the birth you may find it harder to walk away, and feel judged by others for leaving a new mother. You will almost certainly be more emotionally attached to hoping the baby is yours.

You have said you do t want to raise another man’s child. Is it fair on the baby to stay if you are only going to leave?

@Scott33

I just wanted to clarify something, when she had sex with this guy she says he pulled out but he did say that some might have gone in. This is what is casting doubt on the whole situation for me.

Unfortunately, even if he did pull out completely, it's not considered an effective method of birth control as some men (about 17%, according to one study) leak semen into the pre-ejaculate.