Girlfriend is pregnant but she doesn't know if I'm the father

[Scott33]

So, my girlfriend and I last slept together about 4 weeks ago. Shortly after we had an argument and broke up. She slept with someone else two weeks ago and now she's pregnant. She says this other guy pulled out but that he may have been a bit slow to pull out in time if you know what I mean.
We got one of those ClearBlue tests and it showed that she was two weeks pregnant.
Would it be fair to say that it's unlikely to be my baby? I realise these clear blue tests are not a cast iron gurantee.
Is there any way of getting a prenatal dna test?

Also, just to clarify, if it is mine I have told her that I will stand by her and take care of her and the baby, but there is no way I could bring up someone elses baby.

Nothing wrong with having sex but if you have unprotected sex with two or more men in quick succession then it is not that astounding that you'll get pregnant and not know who the father is. Also not that unlikely you'll catch something, which is clearly not that bright. But this is a woman in her 30s, not a frightened teenager, I'm sure she'll sort things out.

So it’s totally acceptable for people to sleep with total strangers they meet in a bar/club and let that be the beginning of a relationship at times. However a woman sleeping with someone two weeks after a breakup is casted as dubious. The amount of shitty behaviour married women talk of coming from their respective husbands makes them more acceptable. Wow!!!
Op, it is possible to get pregnant during period, I know of someone who did. However the chances of the baby being yours are very, very, very slim. You’re stressing how affectif and broken you’d feel if the baby weren’t yours. And that you would brake things off with her if you weren’t the father. And that you’d get back with her again and try again if she had an abortion. It’s all fine, your lives, but consider the baby’s life as well. An unborn baby doesn’t get to choose parents. Please look at this situation more carefully and work on yourselves and your relationship before you commit to bringing another life into this world. A baby is not a toy one desperately wants only to throw it away if they discover it’s not theirs. One that desperately wants a baby will love him/her regardless of their DNA.

Ahem im early 30s and on no. 3! married, own house etc less of the maturity buisness!! i had my first before i turned 20. weve been together since we were 18, some people have tempremental relationships at any age!

i agree with others, STI test, step back until DNA test.

Oh what an unhappy situation to be in. Get yourself checked for infections, including Covid-19. She wasn't social distancing when she had sex with this other an, was she? Then step away from your girlfriend and let her decide what she intends to do regarding the pregnancy.

@QueenOfPain
@Scweltish

Sorry I don't agree at all. There is nothing wrong with having sex , but having unprotected sex with multiply ppl should be a cause of concern for any person no matter the gender.

This query is from the OP's view and thats what ppl should be answering to,
Infact I highly doubt ppl would be as generous if she had written in saying that her BF had got someone else pregnant two weeks after they had temporarily split up.

@Scott33

For those that asked, I won't be staying with her during the preganancy. I think if I stayed with her and that found out it wasn't mine it would devastate me. At the moment she's saying she's probably not going to keep it anyway. Yes I will go back to her if she gets rid of it, and in all likelyhood, we'll try again. We do have a strong relationship but people make mistakes. Can't help it if I love the woman!

Please PLEASE do NOT try for another baby until your relationship is more stable and you are both more mature and responsible.

@contrary13

This is a hideous an d ridiculous set of comments.
If I left a cheating ex would that be a sign I didn't love him?
Sorry you must be crazy to think anyone would put up with this and there is no doubt in my mind that you would no be giving the same advice if he had gone out and got someone else pregnant.
The OP's is talking about the challenges and views he has, thats why it is all about him. Only she should be able to speak for herself ( and I assume you would still be accusing him of being abusive if he had).
As others have said there is nothing controlling with him being honest and telling her he wont bring up someone's else baby. Its up to her how she acts on it.
You comment just screams misandry an maybe you would be best to check why you have that out before ranting.

@Cheeseandwin5

So... I'm a misogynist to say that he needs to allow his girlfriend the space to decide what happens to her own body, right now? To say that he is coming across as controlling (not that he actually is, because... I don't know him!) because he isn't taking into consideration the fact that he and his girlfriend had sex 4 weeks ago, split up, she slept with someone else (and, as I said, so might he have - and he's just not mentioned it in his posts), and now she's pregnant. It probably isn't his baby, but he's alluded to telling the woman that he won't stay with her (and presumably she loves him, else why get back with him and be honest about having slept with another man ) during pregnancy (a time when women are, generally, pretty darned vulnerable without the "will it be this or that man's baby?!" hanging over their heads), and hinted in his posts that he'll distance himself for his own sake, then - if the baby turns out to be his - expect to pick up where he left off.

Or was it for pointing out that 2-3 weeks is actually too early to state that a pregnancy will "stick"? For saying that it's his girlfriend's uterus and only she has the right to decide what happens with its contents? For pointing out that any man - or woman, for that matter - heaping the "I'll only stay with you if..." comments onto a newly pregnant woman is abusive.

I haven't agreed with any of the posters who have pointed out how naive the OP and his girlfriend actually come across as, nor commented on what idiots she and the other man were for using the rhythm method of contraception in the first darned place. Which they were. I have, however, stated that the OP and his girlfriend both need to have STI tests done - as have other posters. That's... oh, wait, what's it called again? Oh, that's right. Common fucking sense.

I've simply stated my opinion. Which you claim I'm crazy for having and, not only that, being able to articulate.

Yet I'm the crazy one. The anti-men one. Yeah. Okay, then. Except... contrary to your posit that this is ALL about the OP - it isn't. Right now, it's ALL about the girlfriend and her potential pregnancy. About whether or not he actually loves her enough to stay and support HER through whatever happens - miscarriage, termination, or eventual baby. It's HER child, regardless of whether it's the OP's or the other man's - and, frankly, he needs to wrap his head around the possibility that, if she is pregnant and he fails to be there for her, if SHE chooses to proceed with it, she may not be willing to pick up where they left off as he seems to be assuming.

Would I be saying the same thing if he'd gotten a ONS pregnant? Actually, yes; I would. I have done on other posts, actually - and to RL friends. We only have the OP's word for it, after all, that this is his girlfriend and not a ONS who has suddenly rocked up with a 2-3 week pregnancy test result, don't we? That's all we can go off - the OP's word.

Why don't you focus on what he has said and what he has alluded to in his posts if you feel like attacking someone? Because attacking me, or any of the other posters who have responded stating that they all sound very irresponsible, and naive, and unsupportive/loving, and so forth, is very negative. It also makes me wonder why you attacked me and not any of the others who have said far worse in their responses...

Now, to borrow a phrase, why don't you just jog on, eh?!

[quote Cheeseandwin5]@QueenOfPain
@Scweltish

Sorry I don't agree at all. There is nothing wrong with having sex , but having unprotected sex with multiply ppl should be a cause of concern for any person no matter the gender.

This query is from the OP's view and thats what ppl should be answering to,
Infact I highly doubt ppl would be as generous if she had written in saying that her BF had got someone else pregnant two weeks after they had temporarily split up.[/quote]
It’s two people, ‘multiple’ implies a lot more. And the reason why it was unprotected with the op was because they were trying for a baby. There’s no need for the dramatisation.

PS:- The girlfriend didn't cheat on him. They'd split up. Ergo... they weren't in a relationship 2 weeks ago when she slept with another man. Both were free to sleep with llamas if they so chose. Reading comprehension, it's a wonderful thing!

You claim to love her, yet you couldn't possibly bring up another man's child?

The two aren't connected.

If your husband or partner got someone else pregnant, would you raise that child?

You can't conceive during a period

Yes, you can. It's less likely, but possible.

It's myths like that which account for unwanted pregnancies.

Tbh I don’t think OP has done anything wrong here. If this is how he feels then he’s right to be honest with her, she should have all the information in front of her before she makes a decision.

I would not be willing to raise someone else’s child either, even if I did want a child of my own. I don’t think it’s an unusual stance to take at all, and he’s not wrong for it.

If you are strong and want a family together maybe don't do a DNA at all (assuming other guy is totally off the scene).

So if he wants a DNA test that makes him weak? Do you realise how this sounds...that ignoring the fact the child probably isn't his makes him strong....I think it would make him a fool quite frankly.

You claim to love her, yet you couldn't possibly bring up another man's child? That doesn't sound like love to me.

Love doesn't mean you take on another man's child from a ONS no less. Would you be saying this if a woman had to take on her BFs baby? People would be telling her to run miles away.

I certainly wouldn't, even if I loved the person. I'm not so desperate and never have been to settle for this kind of relationship, which is likely to be filled with nothing but stress...explaining who the bio dad is when the child gets older..having them turn round as a stroppy teenager and saying "You're not my real dad...don't tell me what to do"

Then being accused of loving any bio children you have in the future more...why would anyone sign up for this when there are plenty singles out there with no baggage.

Another pp mentioned the attitude about his GF and sex being misogynistic...not at all. She had unprotected sex with a man she didn't know.....exposing herself to pregnancy and STDs. That's irresponsible regardless of gender.

The fact that it's happened, doesn't mean it should not be mentioned again or we'd never discuss anything in the past and sweep everything under the carpet.

Using no contraception with your BF when trying to conceive is all good....with a total stranger...not sensible at all.

I certainly wouldn't want to tell my child I don't know who their dad is, because I had a ONS and never saw him again.

@Scott33

For those that asked, I won't be staying with her during the preganancy. I think if I stayed with her and that found out it wasn't mine it would devastate me. At the moment she's saying she's probably not going to keep it anyway. Yes I will go back to her if she gets rid of it, and in all likelyhood, we'll try again. We do have a strong relationship but people make mistakes. Can't help it if I love the woman!

FGS!!

Please commit to each other and build a proper, stable relationship before you bring some poor innocent child into the world!

The way you two are carrying on it's like watching a slow motion car crash with the baby the victim.

@Scweltish

It’s two people, ‘multiple’ implies a lot more. And the reason why it was unprotected with the op was because they were trying for a baby. There’s no need for the dramatisation.

Apologies if English isn't your first language but multiple means more than one- go check a dictionary or online!

It looks like she's cracking on with other men now anyway so as people have said, probably dodged a bullet

And I thought Jeremy Kyle has closed shop?

I echo PP - I'm not convinced you're both in your 30s - you two barely sound 30 put together. There's so much wrong with both of you that I'm struggling to even put it into words.

It's unlikely (not impossible) that the baby is yours. Only a DNA test would say for sure. Neither of you seemingly give a shit for either your sexual health nor accidental pregnancies ('he pulled out' ).

What I'm baffled by is the "if she got rid of it we'd get back together and try again" comment. You were apparently planning on a baby, then split up, she jumped into bed with someone else without protection and then you got back together.....

It's one big shit show if you ask me, you both need to grow the fuck up

@contrary13

you call him:
emotionally manipulative
Selfish
Controlling
compassionless
You ask why he split up with her ( was it his choice - whos cares still his fault).
You say her potential having another mans baby is a tiny little thing.
You accuse him of being being hypocritical.
You say he is treating her shabbily
and than to top ti all you asay he cant love her as he would be supporting her no matter whose the baby is.

These are all ridiculous points to make unless off course you would say the same thing to a woman who had split with her partner, who had than promptly got someone else pregnant. Which I very much doubt you would , but if you did I would say you were wrong there too.

He is basically saying he doesn't think he can raise another mans baby. I am pretty sure there would be plenty of ppl who would agree with this. She isn't wrong in what happened but also he isn't wrong to feel this way. Things happen that are no ones fault but that can still cause problems and ultimately make the relationship untenable. It doesn't mean they don't love each other or one is at fault and the other is the victim.
Also to be clear they have obviously had a conversation about this and their relationship and he isn't being controlling or manipulative by saying how he feels. I assume if he did you would accuse him of being abusive as well though.
I would tell you to jog on to ( if I was that rude and afraid to explain my comments) but I assume you would just slip over the bitter hatred you exude

cuncertainty, your refusal to raise a child that's not yours, your inability to understand that if you truly loved her? You wouldn't abandon her for 9 months until a baby is born, demand a DNA test, then, IF the child proves to be yours, expect to pick up where you left off.

You are aware that, if she has any sense, she'll kick you to the curb for treating her so shabbily, right? Regardless of whether a baby - which may, ultimately, not be born - is yours, biologically, or the other man's.

You don't love her. Be honest. Tell her the real reason as to why you're behaving so awfully to her (what sort of decent man would heap such emotional abuse upon a newly pregnant woman, as you admit to doing in your posts?!), and leave her alone to make a choice that is solely hers to make, regardless of whether the baby in her uturus is yours or not.

And I repeat: STI tests all round.