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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

One night stand in foreign country and can't get him off my mind!

174 replies

Annabellerina · 30/08/2020 16:42

I randomly and impulsively went on a date on the last night of my holiday. The date lasted from 8pm to 8am, talking and drinking by the sea, watching the sunrise and then some amazingly hot sex. We both said we felt a strong connection and that it was a shame I was leaving the next day. I had so much fun and felt like I was 20 again! We swapped numbers and have text a couple of times since.

Is this best left as a lovely memory or worth pursuing in any way? Was the connection stronger because we knew it was a one off? I feel like I know that was the reason it was so great but at the same time can't stop daydreaming about him and would love to invite him to come and stay!

OP posts:

Lifeisabeach09 · 30/08/2020 20:02

@Annabellerina
Based on your update, go for it! I had a ldr with an American. He used to drive 3 hours to come see me every other weekend and I'd take the train to see him. Nine year relationship!

Lifeisabeach09 · 30/08/2020 20:03

Obviously, bit difficult with quarantine, etc. Hope you're able to self-isolate without it affecting finances too much!!!

OrchidFlakes · 30/08/2020 20:04

Oh I just love this. As someone said up thread give the conversation oxygen and see what happens. Not everyone meets their partner in ‘conventional’ ways.
Stall on a visit until you’ve chatted more and are meeting for a date rather than just sex, unless you just want a fun carefree weekend then go for it (safely)!

Original poster

Annabellerina · 30/08/2020 20:09

@therollockingrogue he's working there yes. And we talked about loads of things I find really interesting, racism (his experiences) feminism (my experiences) bringing up children (he doesn't have any, I do) his life and my life and the difficulties we've had which were very similar, but also drugs and raves and travelling and light hearted stuff, and we laughed a lot and lay on the rocks and watched the stars. I felt like I was in a movie!!

OP posts:

Normandy144 · 30/08/2020 20:20

I'm not sure what you've got to lose? You like him and he's invited you to stay. There's some real cycnics on here! In fairness my now DH invited me to his home city a month after we met and I took a risk and went. To his credit he paid for my flight (I was on sabbatical at the time and he was working) and it was the best thing I ever did. Go for it. The worst that can happen is you decide it's not working, and the best....you could just have met your future life partner!

BarbedBloom · 30/08/2020 20:22

This happened with my friend and they are married now. I would go. Better to regret what you did than what you didn't

chubbyhotchoc · 30/08/2020 20:31

Jesus Christ. Too much seize the day and not enough common sense. Can not believe women on here are encouraging the op to travel thousands of miles to meet a stranger. He could be a serial killer looking for vulnerable desperados to abuse.

espressoontap · 30/08/2020 20:38

@chubbyhotchoc

Don't you think he would've killed her the first night they spent together?

OP - if you want to see him again, do! What have you got to lose?

damnthatanxiety · 30/08/2020 20:42

@chubbyhotchoc

Wow, what a safe and boring life you must lead. OP, freaking go for it. You can make sure people know where you are etc. Take chances in life.

Ihave2dogs2cats5dc · 30/08/2020 20:45

There are stds you can still get with condoms. Some people manipulate condoms by piercing dor example or take them off sneakily.
I dont know why people keep saying we used condoms like that has zeto pregnancy or std risk.

Im also confused you said he is from the states, lives in europe, from third country. Which is it?

It was good while it lasted, just a holiday shag.

Ihave2dogs2cats5dc · 30/08/2020 20:46

Typos are hilarious. I hope my silly fat fingers cushioned the message. I really dont mean it nastily i just know from bitter experience about the condoms and fleeting romance.

DustyMuse · 30/08/2020 20:46

Annabellerina, I rarely post on MN but I'm really chuffed for you.

Potential can be exciting, can't it?

MimosaFields · 30/08/2020 20:46

We are talking about a 2 hour flight, I guess. I would go to see him for a weekend but make sure you have your own accommodation over there and plans, in case things don't work out or you simply find him less attractive on arrival

chubbyhotchoc · 30/08/2020 20:47

Rather be safe and boring than desperate and/or dead, chasing round the world after a bit of dick

Noisymotorbike · 30/08/2020 20:47

I think OP meant they met in a European country where he's working, she comes from UK, so his original country the third one is the states.

gypsywater · 30/08/2020 20:49

Dont visit him, but see if he will visit you!

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2020 20:52

You're romanticising about a random guy who used you for some casual sex

Just wow. It was consensual and she had a great time, no one used any one. What a horrible way to view consensual sex.

Op why would he not want to visit you? Is there a financial element to this? What country is he from, and what country is he working in?

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2020 20:53

Sorry just seen he’s American,,!

HP2020 · 30/08/2020 20:53

Do u think u will visit him

gypsywater · 30/08/2020 20:53

Really wouldnt make it too easy for him by heading to his place. Other way round much better!

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 30/08/2020 20:55

Life's too short so just go for it.
It may just come to nothing or you'll end up getting married or any of the variations in between.

fuandylp · 30/08/2020 21:00

@Annabellerina

So I responded to his small talk and he immediately asked if I would visit him!

Too keen. Too much too soon.

I thought you should text him a bit and see how you got on, but that's a bit too forward.

Just be careful that he doesn't have a wife and children in the states. Happened to a friend of mine. She met a guy who was posted to Germany (US military) to a defence research type of facility. He met her at a nightclub and they had a one-night stand and they had the most amazing connection. Blah blah. He sent a private plane to pick her up from her home country (an Eastern European country). He visited her and paid for lavish meals and fancy hotels.
And then after his posting was over he went back to the States and broke it off with her, simply telling her that he had a wife and three young children back there.

MimosaFields · 30/08/2020 21:00

It's no different to meeting someone from Aberdeen if you live in Penzance. In fact, quite possibly nearer.

The risk is like with any other relationship. Some people here seem to be adverse to meeting someone unless you already live in the same town! Personally I would give it a go

Original poster

Annabellerina · 30/08/2020 21:13

I think OP meant they met in a European country where he's working, she comes from UK, so his original country the third one is the states yes almost - he's from the States, I'm from the UK, he lives and works in a European country and we met in another European country where we were both on holiday!

I think I will see if he is up for coming here, both for safety and for expense. Or it may come to nothing because I'm really rubbish at chatting over text 😆

OP posts:

gypsywater · 30/08/2020 21:14

This happened to me...together 7 years later! I said he had to come to me and he did...then moved in

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