Not sure where I stand, or what to make of these Instagram posts.

[TheCatWithTheHat]

I've posted in another thread on here about how we've got to this point, but a brief summary is that I'm a 45 year old guy who has been dating someone for the last 3-4 months.

Things were going really well, but over the last couple of weeks, she's been going through some stressful times with a work-related issue, and has backed off and tells me she's too exhausted and stressed to have any energy to devote to a relationship. It's all been a bit "maybe, possibly, I think" so I don't quite know where I stand - the last thing she said was that "maybe we should leave it for a bit" so I'm not sure if that's her ending it or just wanting some time to sort her head out, but I've decided to just give her some space for now and see if she gets in touch. I'm finding this really tough as I really like her, and thought this was going to lead somewhere.

Anyway, she posts a fair bit on Instagram and put up a photo I took of her on our weekend away earlier this month with a mysterious hashtag that I took to be referring to me - something along the lines of "thisisforyou". She also quoted lyrics from my favourite band, which I took to be directed at me, as I had only told her I liked them at the place the photo was taken and she said she didn't know any of their songs.

Then a couple of days ago, she posted a photo of a poster she'd seen during the day of this band, with the same "thisisforyou" hashtag, and linked one of their songs which is about love. Then yesterday, she posted a photo of one of her favourite animals with the same "thisisforyou" hashtag and a load of animated hearts - I'd bought her a stuffed toy one of these when we were away 2 weeks ago. I've never noticed her use this hashtag before, and it's clearly directed at someone.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it seems too much to be a co-incidence and is really confusing me!

Is the woman you were seeing actually 14? She sounds immature and this way lies upset. Unfollow her, put her out of your head, she isn’t the one.

I saw your other post. Regardless of anything she doesn't sound like a good communicator, is that what you want?

Yeah. Shes scoring VERY high on narc traits if not behaviours. It sounds like the IG posts are benign Hoovers.

I know you are hurt and confused.

Leave this one alone bud. You are very much better out if it. If she had truly wanted you she would speak directly to you, not fuck with your head.

Sorry. Feel like The Grinch. But truly, my words are your best Christmas present

Block, delete and ignore. You deserve better.

If a person is telling you she wants space whilst also posting vague coded Instagram posts referencing love which form of communication is more reliable, and which should you heed?

I know you want to believe she's secretly in love and communicating through Instagram but that's not what her actions are saying.

Oh how tedious.

Send her a pic of your arse with #thisisforyou

You're 45?

Honestly just crack on with your life

Bit old for this aren't you dear?

JoanBonJovi
Thanks, I needed that belly laugh!

Ugh how tiresome, from a grown up! Yeah, you're best off out of this one, dodged a bullet as they say!

The medium is the message here. Pay attention to what she is doing, not what she is saying.

@JoanBonJovi hahaha good idea

Really OP how old is this woman? Get rid.

Are you dating someone who could be your daughter?
In that case - buckle up and buy a hashtag dictionary or something.

You need to stop dating women a lot younger than yourself.

She’s a massive attention seeker. I’d leave well alone personally.

Her being too exhausted stress to have a relationship means she is no longer interested. and leaving it for a bit means she ended it.

Date someone your own age. They won't be hanging out on IG posting cryptic messages.

@JoanBonJovi :fgrin:

@Redyellowpink - I've managed to avoid that so far - she's not that much younger than me actually (late 30's). We both use Instagram so she knows I look at her feed.

She hasn't actually said she needs space - she's only said she wants what I want, but she's mentally exhausted, confused and can't give 100% of herself to me at the moment. She seems to be in a bad place this month, and recognises that herself.

But I hear your comments - it's just hard as even a week ago she was making comments about us dating, and thinking ahead to settling down next year etc... even when we were talking on Thursday night. And what's worse is I feel like I'm in limbo - not sure whether she still sees us as dating, or thinks she's ended it as her last message was very unclear.

I might be 45, but this kind of thing doesn't get any easier with age...

I think everyone is in agreement that she is stringing you along. Doesn't matter why. She could be a narc, she might not be that into you, she might have someone else.....
If she liked you enough, she would be with you. But she doesn't. And she isn't. I get that some people have issues going on in there life which can affect their behaviour but, I genuinely think if she was that into you, she would still make time for you.
You are wasting your time.

*their

I 'get' what she's doing.

The hashtags ARE directed at you, for you. She's not able to see you right now as she's going through a stressful period and needs personal space, but she's sending you these little messages for you to know that she's thinking of you and cares about you.

Why are you confused? They're clearly directed at you

Just 'like' them... it will be a nod back at her that you 'get' them, and you're thinking of her too.
You're own little secret messages and code, that nobody else will understand.

I think it's all quite sweet actually.
I'm at the responses here.

*your

@AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet maybe you didn't read the OPs other post about this woman

OP, how much stess would it take for you to blow hot and cold with this woman?

Exactly. You wouldn't. People don't want space in the early days of a relationship when they are really into someone. However stressed they are.

It's harsh, but when she says she's 'too exhausted and stressed to have any energy to devote to a relationship', you have to add a 'with you' on the end of it - there's a youTube about this somewhere.

She fast-forwarded and future-faked you, and now she's bread-crumbing you (you can google those terms - baggagereclaim.com is a good site to look at for them) - although I can't help but wonder how many other men think those hashtags are to them......

@AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet - I really hope you're right, and you've given me a glimmer of hope. But deep down I think everyone else is correct and you and me have got it wrong.

It hurts knowing that something I thought was really good has suddenly gone pear-shaped. Maybe there were warning signs I could have spotted earlier, but I'm still quite new to the online dating scene, and it's been 10+ years since I was last dating. Part of me is scared that I won't meet anyone as good as her again - but I have to believe that isn't true.

@ChristmasFluff - it's only really been the last 2 weeks she's been like it, and knowing what she's going through I can understand why. Obviously I don't want to divulge too much information on a forum but it's impacted her health, a career she loved and she's lost friendships over it too. If she's also suffering from depression or anxiety then I can understand why she feels she has to hide away, especially at this time of year as she does't like Christmas either, and is worrying about that.

I'm also pretty sure the hashtags weren't directed at anyone else - the first photo was one I took of her during a weekend away, so if she was sending secret Insta messages to someone else that would be very odd (although not saying it's not possible).

I'm going to leave her be and see if she gets in touch over the next week. If not, I'll send her a message at New Year and see how things go - I think it's fair for me to ask at that point whether she thinks we're over for good, or if she's still keen to meet up in the future once she's sorted her head out. I think I know the answer, but it will help me move on if I have it spelled out to me.

Some people can only love at a distance. Some people are more loving at a distance than they are up close. Work stress doesn't tend to keep people physically away from those they love.

Just some things to bear in mind.

Obviously I don't know if I'm right, I don't know her. But it sounds like something I might do

Some people say that it's stringing someone along, or blowing hot and cold, or playing games... but really, some people just withdraw and need to reduce contact and need space in their relationships, especially during stressful periods. I know that that's not easy on you, but her Instagram messages (IMO) are her little way of telling you that you mean a lot to her.