Not sure where I stand, or what to make of these Instagram posts.

[TheCatWithTheHat]

I've posted in another thread on here about how we've got to this point, but a brief summary is that I'm a 45 year old guy who has been dating someone for the last 3-4 months.

Things were going really well, but over the last couple of weeks, she's been going through some stressful times with a work-related issue, and has backed off and tells me she's too exhausted and stressed to have any energy to devote to a relationship. It's all been a bit "maybe, possibly, I think" so I don't quite know where I stand - the last thing she said was that "maybe we should leave it for a bit" so I'm not sure if that's her ending it or just wanting some time to sort her head out, but I've decided to just give her some space for now and see if she gets in touch. I'm finding this really tough as I really like her, and thought this was going to lead somewhere.

Anyway, she posts a fair bit on Instagram and put up a photo I took of her on our weekend away earlier this month with a mysterious hashtag that I took to be referring to me - something along the lines of "thisisforyou". She also quoted lyrics from my favourite band, which I took to be directed at me, as I had only told her I liked them at the place the photo was taken and she said she didn't know any of their songs.

Then a couple of days ago, she posted a photo of a poster she'd seen during the day of this band, with the same "thisisforyou" hashtag, and linked one of their songs which is about love. Then yesterday, she posted a photo of one of her favourite animals with the same "thisisforyou" hashtag and a load of animated hearts - I'd bought her a stuffed toy one of these when we were away 2 weeks ago. I've never noticed her use this hashtag before, and it's clearly directed at someone.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it seems too much to be a co-incidence and is really confusing me!

I promise you this girl is playing a game. But not with you. She is using all the info you gave her (band and so on) and displaying it publicly with a clever hashtag to show someone that she is not necessarily available if that makes sense.
I know it is tough. And I agree with people who posted above that if she wanted to, she’d be with you and if it was for you, she’d send them in a private message.

I just want to add. I have had two long term relationships that have failed. I don’t regret them at all. One was 12 years

But I sure as fuck now realise why I slogged away at things that weren’t working. It was a pattern of behaviour. And not a positive one.

I'm afraid I've only skimmed, but the feeling I get is that she's not in a good place to be available, and because she's sending mixed messages by texting you but not wanting to meet up, sending cryptic insta photos etc. she's made you feel insecure and anxious = needy. Needy is an extremely unattractive trait, and it's hard to get out of that mindset.

Bottom line is she's stringing you along, she's not keen on meeting up, and the kindest thing would be to end it.

The best thing you can do is move on. I know it's hard because you've set your heart on this person, but things shouldn't be this hard at the beginning! This is the part where you can't bear spending time apart! Any further time spent on it is time wasted in false hope IMHO.

You sound like a great guy - sensitive, kind, thoughtful and honest. And you will find someone who is open to a relationship. This woman isn't that person.

You are very over Invested in a woman that can clearly take or leave you. Take the hint and move on.

Is she really attractive? I don't know why you'd put up with and chase someone so immature

@AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet in reply to your post - over the last few weeks it's pretty much 50/50 who sends the first message. I've backed right off, and she has been in touch several times after 2/3 days of me not contacting her - usually sending me something that reminds her of stuff we've done together.

A few days ago I suggested meeting and she replied positively, but that she's away for a bit and will be back next week. So watch this space I guess.

In the meantime, I'm continuing to date and have one lined up this week and another next week, so you never know what may happen.

It's already a bit drama llama, you're seeing other people (and so is she probably) and realistically she isn't as into you as you are into her?

I know you'll probably say you aren't getting too invested but you've agonised over things like Instagram posts which is such a waste of time as an adult - live your life and don't waste it on this teenage angst!

If someone is genuinely too busy to see you, but is super into you, you will still feel secure in how things are going because they will communicate with you in a way that makes you feel secure.

This isn't happening. Nothing is happening really! Don't be a safe back up if you want to be more than that, cut your losses and find someone who feels the same as you.

I'm glad you're keeping your options open