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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I think my partner has joined a gay man's pick up site

141 replies

CatsnRabbits · 08/11/2019 14:27

Just that really - I feel sick... I've just gone on the computer and his email was open, he has received a message from a site called fabguys. I'm at home today and picking our daughter up soon, he will be home at 5.30. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

UnicornsExist · 08/11/2019 14:35

Screenshot everything. Then find any financial information you need re bank accounts etc. You are going to have to confront him and I'm guessing that this is something that you aren't prepared to accept.

Miniloso · 08/11/2019 14:37

Yup Fab Guys is the gay sister site to Fab Swingers.

RLEOM · 08/11/2019 14:38

Has he ever shown any gay tendencies, including not giving you attention towards your womanly attributes? Definitely gather your evidence.

It might be that he's bi or bi curious?

Miniloso · 08/11/2019 14:38

If you put the email address into the log on for Fab Guys you can reset the password... and see what he’s been up to.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/11/2019 14:38

What did the message say?

Miniloso · 08/11/2019 14:39

Given you have access to his email you can do this easily...

Honeybee85 · 08/11/2019 14:39

So sorry OP.
That must feel horrible. As @Unicornsexist says, make screenshots of everything. It must be tempting to believe him if he says it was all a misunderstanding as the truth is so shocking.

I really don’t know what to advice you, other then to prepare yourself for what must be a very difficult time and please go to your GP for STD test. Stay strong 💪

PollyShelby · 08/11/2019 14:40

Reset his password.

mindutopia · 08/11/2019 14:42

Is it an actual website he has signed up for or spam? Because I get emails about gay dating sites all the time - and I am definitely not a man or gay or signing up for anything.

Original poster

CatsnRabbits · 08/11/2019 14:43

I've taken a picture of the screen. I'm totally shocked, no I'm not prepared to accept it.

OP posts:

Original poster

CatsnRabbits · 08/11/2019 14:46

The message hasn't been opened but I can see that he has received a wink from another user. I've signed myself up to fabguys and searched for the username of the person who winked. They are very local to us. I don't think it's spam.

OP posts:

Tesbel · 08/11/2019 14:58

You can open the email then once you have looked at it mark it unread again.. so sorry op that's a horrible situation to be in 💐

GoodJobSteve · 08/11/2019 15:00

Any chance he has a friend who's signed him up for this as a 'prank'?

Coolwinter · 08/11/2019 15:03

You do need to investigate a bit - open email then mark unread, go on site etc. as if he denies it how will you ever know?

Sorry it’s awful.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/11/2019 15:08

Sorry you've discovered this. It does sound like he has signed up.

You need to talk to him about this. Just show him the photo of the screen and ask him to explain.

He may tell you that he was just 'curious' and hasn't actually done anything, but I very much doubt that.

Can you find him on the site? What a horrible way to find out. Sorry.

forumdonkey · 08/11/2019 16:08

Open the message and delete it. What does it matter if you do? I doubt he'll ask if you've deleted his message on fabguys.

forumdonkey · 08/11/2019 16:09

Also he might not be aware he's even got a message, so he'll probably never know.

Ilovelala · 08/11/2019 16:25

Im sorry this is happening. Reset the password log in to the account and see what he has been doing.

Fuckenstein · 08/11/2019 16:29

If you go into the site and put his email address in his password might be saved, if not just get a password reset sent to his email. You need to know the truth of this one.

Original poster

CatsnRabbits · 08/11/2019 16:30

I've found him on the site. I'm at home with my daughter and I don't know how to deal with this. I'm really scared.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 08/11/2019 16:34

Open the message and read it, at this point why wouldn't you? Confirm what you already know and then tell him to get out. I fail to see why a big discussion is even needed.

Squiggleness · 08/11/2019 16:34

Oh my god you poor thing has he put a photo up or have you just found his email address? I would hack into his account by whatever means possible before you confront him and he has a chance to cover tracks. Now that you know, you really need to know everything xxx

YouJustDoYou · 08/11/2019 16:35

I'm so sorry op. Be prepared for the usual "my mate signed me up for a laugh/it's spam/I've been hacked" cliched well used responses. Also be prepared that you may never find out more - or that it may all come out. He'll probably lie lie deny, but you'll never unsee and never unknow what he's deliberately gone and done behind your back.

CantstandmLMs · 08/11/2019 16:38

Bless you, A family member of mine had to deal with this too when I was a teenager I actually found the sites but I kept it to myself and de compartmentalised it all. It later came out anyway. Was traumatic for all.

WifOfBif · 08/11/2019 16:41

I’m so sorry OP.

Do you have anyone who can come and be with you tonight?

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