I think my partner has joined a gay man's pick up site

[CatsnRabbits]

Just that really - I feel sick... I've just gone on the computer and his email was open, he has received a message from a site called fabguys. I'm at home today and picking our daughter up soon, he will be home at 5.30. I don't know what to do.

[OrangeHue]

I’m so sorry. I imagine he’ll deny so you need to collect as much evidence as possible. Can you make a fake profile and send him a message?

[RhinoskinhaveI]

If you can try and act normal while you decide what to do and gather enough evidence so that he cant deny any of it.

[cheesewitheverything]

You don't have to do anything straight away, you can just wait until you have done some more digging before you ask him anything. Get all the facts. Keep as calm as you can, because you now know something and so far he doesn't know you've found out. Wait until you are ready to confront him with it, doesn't have to be right now.

[CatsnRabbits]

I've taken a screenshot of his profile. I don't want to look at anything else because all the stuff I've seen on other profiles is really explicit - I don't know if I can cope with seeing more. I'm trying to act normal for my daughter, how the hell can I explain this to her?? I can't believe it's happening.

[RandomMess]

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

You don't have to explain anything to her right now, so don't worry about that.

Can she stay over with a friend or family tonight? You need to have a really difficult conversation with your partner tonight.

Do you have real-life support? So sorry this is happening to you.

[AllTheUserNamesAreTaken]

I’m so sorry op

As hard as it is, I think you need to look at everything you can. Otherwise he may well deny and you will be left with uncertainty. If you have seen everything then you will know

[Slappadabass]

Oh no, I was going to suggest spam, I get all sorts but it's clear he's actually signed up.


Make sure you screen shot everything, make sure you read through everything, screenshot the lot, even the bits you don't want to read. That way he can't worm his way out of it by saying it was spam or a joke gone wrong.


Good luck OP, if you can't deal with him face to face, go out with your children and ring him to confront him about it.

[Dogsdinner12]

Book in for an STI test pronto! So sorry

[Meggymoo777]

So sorry OP, this must be so incredibly earth shattering for you.
I have to agree with the other posters though, you need to look at everything available to you, reset the password and log in. When you confront him about this he will try and deny it all, if you don't have proof and choose to 'move past this' and take his word for it then your relationship will never be the same, you need to know for your own future self x

[PrettyPlainJayne]

Oh OP. So sorry.

A (Male) friend of mines current gf.... her exH went the same way. All was rosy, until she uncovered the emails.
He had been meeting with men regularly. He finally admitted he had even been meeting men when "popping to the shops" and on weekends away when "popping for a quick beer". She was early thirties at the time and they 'had it all' (We all vaguely knew the couple).
He got a new GF (Possibly married now) and the cycle continues...

Be shocked. Be hurt. But don't be in denial.

[Windmillwhirl]

Would it help to stay with a friend tonight, invent an excuse?

I'd be doing nothing till I dug a bit more because as said, if you confront now he will lie and minimise. I'd want all the facts, but do what feels right for you.

[Caaarrrl]

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about this. I know people always day gather your evidence and get your finances sorted etc but I could not look him in the eye and not let him know my feelings.

Please go for an STI check.

[Comps83]

I agree with pp’s. It’s going to hurt like hell but if you don’t find out all you can now then you will be kicking yourself further down the line for not doing so and by then it will be too late . Knowledge is power

[oohnicevase]

Jeez..take care.. what a horrid thing to find!

[hellsbellsmelons]

What an awful shock for you OP.
I agree with others.
Can you get away for the night and stay with family or a friend?
I realise you don't want to know more but you need to dig and get all the info you can.
Maybe not today.
It's a lot to deal with all at once.
I've no idea how you cover this until you are ready to challenge him.
But fake it 'til you make it for now.
Sending you lots of (((((HUGS))))))

[PrincessHoneysuckle]

Really sorry.Get sti check when you feel up to it.

[Geppili]

[mariposa23]

I'm so sorry your going through this! I know how hard this must be but I would have to keep looking what's on there so when you confront him you can see what he's lying about, you need to be able to trust him so really you need to know everything 😢, how long he's been on there, if he's met up with anyone ect.
Big hugs

[GrapefruitGin]

So sorry, can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. Is there anyone who can have DD tonight so you can have a conversation with him?

[CatsnRabbits]

His profile says he has been on there more than a year. He describes himself as a family man who sometimes just needs xxxxx explicit stuff

[CatsnRabbits]

I'm not worried about finances etc because I'm in charge of all that!! I'm more worried about our daughter. I only have my dad nearby and he is what you might call 'old school' when it comes to sexuality so it is going to be interesting if he finds out. We live in such a small place too. There are dick pics on the site, it's revolting. DD is at a sleepover tomorrow so that might be my chance. We were supposed to be going out with my dad FFS!!

[forumdonkey]

I've never been on the site but I know on similar sites people who have met verify a person. Does it or him have verifications on his profile?

[OxfordCat]

So sorry this has happened OP. You do need to look through as much as you can, and screenshot it all as he will lie and try to pretend 'nothing's happened' 'it was only out of curiosity' etc etc. Is there any other evidence you may find while you're at it - emails, receipts, text messages etc that you can keep as proof?

Yes to STI check, and finances in order. Make sure he can't wipe your bank account clean or anything - transfer money to another account only you have access to if you need to. Have passports and paper work ready and secure.

STOP worrying about what other people think, e.g. your dad and the village. It's HIM who's at fault. I know it's shocking and horrible for you now but you will be fine and you will one day be glad you found out he was a cheat. You've done nothing wrong. But be prepared for the usual script that he will give you.

[WizardOfAus]