Should I be concerned about the type of porn my DP watches? (*MNHQ warning: distressing content, concerns violent porn)

[DanaScully83]

My DP was looking online for holiday properties to rent. He passed his laptop to me to have a look at one and I noticed that he had several other windows open and one was a porn site. When he left the room I opened the window to see what he had been looking at. I should say at this point I don't have a particular problem with porn. I'd rather my DP didn't feel the need to watch it but overall I regard it as private and not really any of my business. We have a good sex life and so it certainly isn't causing any problems in that department. So why did I look? Curiosity I guess!
The problem is the video he had been watching was called 'Young asian babe exepriences nasty group sex'. I am neither particularly young (mid 30s) nor am I asian. However, the bit that really concerns me is the 'nasty' bit. I watched a few seconds of the video and at times the girl looks like she is crying and in pain. It is horrific and I am really really shocked. A quick look at DP's search history reveals he has searched for asian group sex many times before.
I just don't know what to do - I know I shouldn't have intruded but it is done now and I cannot unsee what I saw. I'm struggling to reconcile my kind, loving DP (and father of our 2 sons) with someone who enjoys watching a young girl being subjected to what looked like violent and unpleasant sex. I am shocked by how upset I am - I can't even look at him and feel sick at the thought of him touching me again. What should I do? Is this normal? Should I be worried?

@GilbertMarkham ..actually it was
"I know what my post said???" ... 😕 but of course you would have read it properly after accusing me of not doing so with your comment I'm sure.

Yes. I think it's best. 😊

Omg honestly i wish there was aswell!!!!! Lol.

I'm not saying ALL MEN WATCH VIOLENT GANG BANG ASIAN PORN.... my god!
My point was that if all men were to show you what porn they watch gang bangs would be pretty normal- as in.. other men around the world would have been interested in watching it also!! 3sums.. gang bangs are pretty popular!!!!! While other men like other things!!!!!!

Any excuse, eh @TinyTinathy ?

I was paraphrasing but by a means nitpick on that phrase, instead of in the fact that you keep saying "it's normal" and then saying "where have I said it's normal??!!".
I'm seriously wondering if you've got too far into a Thursday evening bottle of vino - cause I'm finding it hard to explain your posts otherwise.

*by all means

I'm sorry op. It must have been a shock to find a video of men being sexual violent to another woman and finding out that your dear partner was actually looking for it.

The porn industry, like the pimping industry which is it's origin, is based on rape and abuse. Grooming young women, pressuring them, not respecting boundaries. And the content itself is increasingly more brutal towards women. Anyone with empathy would stay the fuck away from it. Sadly, a lot of men have become total pornaddicts instead.
Here is a must read for those naive about Asian porn: www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/15/forced-into-porn-japan-moves-to-stop-women-being-coerced-into-sex-films
The porn industry is indefensible.

I'm heavily pregnant and don't drink... but any way...

You don't understand my comment it's draining I cannot be bothered to keep trying to make you understand. It's so pointless.

It is normal for men to watch porn with gang bangs in. It's not hard to understand. It's really not. Not all men as you keep saying I've said. But maybe you're the pissed one who knows at this point

I think it’s disgusting.

Even if the woman is acting - which we don’t know - her distress seems real, doesn’t it? So what sort of man gets off on watching what appears to be a genuine gang rape? He may reassure himself that it’s not real and therefore fine but it still raises questions about his character.

To the person who mentioned Irreversible - a friend of a friend admitted that he did masturbate while watching that scene, which you have to admit is fucked up, right? Why do so many men enjoy seeing women being abused, either in fiction or reality?

Why would anyone enjoy seeing another sentient being being abused? No fucking excuses hold water, common or not

From the article:
^In one high-profile case that resulted in the arrests of three talent scouts, one woman was forced to appear in more than 100 films after being told her family would be informed if she refused. Some victims say they were forced to have sex without protection, or were gang-raped

“The incredible thing is that production firms can act with impunity,” Ito said. “There is no law against coercing women into appearing in porn films, and no government supervision of the industry. But this isn’t just a legal issue, it’s a violation of human rights.”^

@AnyFucker

Any excuse, eh @TinyTinathy**
😂😂😂

My point was that if all men were to show you what porn they watch gang bangs would be pretty normal

Group sex where everyone is enjoying it & not being hurt isn't on the same level or what the thread is about.

It's not the fact that there's multiple people involved, it's the aspect of abuse.
Pornography that depicts abuse to satisfy a depravity shouldn't be normalised because there's another who is also turned on by it.

It's the violence, the woman appears hurt and in distress. It's at best implied that she's being forced, traumatised almost.

@AutumnRose1

Hardcore pornography was legalised in this country in 1999. Until then it was illegal to posses it. So yes, almost certainly a criminal offence.

The new morality of “it does not involve children or animals” and therefore is okay is strikingly new in the UK.

As a young woman in Soho many years ago I can tell you that the seedy exploitative buggers I met absolutely pall compared to what is available on many men’s smartphones now.

Pornography is grim road. I eventually moved into criminal justice. You would be amazed at the cognitive dissonance people claim as sexual fantasy when they have clear psychological problems. Porn collections are the canary in the mine. It tells you something.

I would avoid a man with an enthusiasm for violent pornography. That it is a commoner taste than before does not mean it okay. Really all it means is it’s more normalised than before. Women should exercise care.

Pornography that depicts abuse to satisfy a depravity shouldn't be normalised because there's another who is also turned on by it.

But it is already. Hence why he left the tab open clearly not caring if anyone was to come across it.

I've not said once what porn I agree or disagree with, watch myself or would be upset about finding.

Simple fact is this porn is "normal" to most men... and women.
(Doesn't mean it's right)

I come across a porn before many years ago that i watched about 30 secounds of and it quickly escalated and no joke I feel traumatised me!! To the point I told my oh and said I cannot believe people get turnt on by that or choose to watch it.

But they do. . And to them it's probably normal now.

This wouldn't worry me in the slightest. What I fantasise about is very different from what I would like to happen in real life!

I think the point that has been it is that your fantasy is someone else’s life. That clearly doesn’t bother you, but the wider implication bothers others.

Incidentally, your justification is exactly the same as that of many who watch child abuse. It is just fantasy, but they would not do it. And for more extreme forms of porn too.

I’m not saying that you can’t look, but it does reflect on you what you at.

I think alot of women on MN would be very shocked at what their OH watch porn wise

I think that some women have to tell themselves that ALL MEN WATCH PORN. They HAVE to, because if they tell themselves that, they think it makes it 'normal'.

They also think that women who think that their partners don't watch porn, are naïve.

They HAVE to tell themselves that because it normalises the abuse of women.

My husband used to work in probation, working with men who abused women for their pleasure. Violently and sexually.

Let me tell you, he does not get his rocks off to women being abused.

Whether you believe me or not, I really don't care.

But I will leave here the fact fact that NOT ALL MEN WATCH PORN.

Incidentally, your justification is exactly the same as that of many who watch child abuse. It is just fantasy, but they would not do it. And for more extreme forms of porn too.

My thought exactly Lex. You're completely right.

If you had read any of my other comments I've stated over and over and over and over.... NOT ALL MEN WATCH PORN. So...

Also.. like I've stated over and over not all men watch violent porn.

Yes absolutely fuck the posters saying it's just fantasy. Fantasy is in your head... not actual girls being tortured with a dick in every oriface.

People should be fucking ashamed with attitudes like these, what is the world coming to, where people normalize the importance of a mans 5 minute wank over the violent rape of countless young women.

Op, your Dh IS fucking disgusting and anyone disagreeing are selfish beyond comprehension and just as bad.

Lex thank you

That's a really interesting thing to learn in terms of standards etc

@PositiveVibez also you're saying this to someone who's OH doesn't watch porn? So I'm FULLY aware not all men watch it.

Hence why he left the tab open clearly not caring if anyone was to come across it.
I really hope he does care who comes across it & that leaving it open was an oversight.

Simple fact is this porn is "normal" to most men... and women.
I'm not sure this would be correct that this is normal to most men & women.

To me... he didn't have any reason to hide it otheriwse it would have been. Even his history hadn't been deleted so.. I think he does not care if someone comes across it.
Just my opinion.

Also, again... my opinion is violence and gang bangs and what ever else is a normal category to find when looking at porn you will see it pop up alot. This is what I mean. My opinion. Not fact... just my opinion.

I'm not saying it's right.. im saying it's normal to find and see when on a porn site. . It's a normal category, violence or gang bangs. Imo

Why don't you sit down together to watch the BBC programme on brothels in Bangladesh. It would be interesting to see his reaction to 9-year-olds being raped.