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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

999 replies

Ginmel · 04/08/2019 21:03

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
StealthNinjaMum · 06/08/2019 10:13

@notmrscookie I used to be size 18 and now I'm size 8 / 10 so I completely empathise. All I can suggest is you look after yourself, wear nice clothes, have hobbies, be nicely groomed and your weight isn't that important. I'm a bit of a slob now but used to always look good when I was overweight. As I lost weight I used to buy flattering dresses from eBay - if you look for 'bnwt' it's brand new with tags and so you can buy a couple of dresses, perhaps wrap dresses, for minimal money. Ignore your ex, he sounds like a twat. My boyfriend has a beer belly and I think he's lovely but he exercises and dresses well, most reasonable people look past that stuff and if they don't you don't want to date them. Also I lost my weight (about 5 stone) on mumsnet diet threads about 8 years ago so you might want to get extra support there too.

Happy birthday @Sunshineandflipflops

Well done on finishing it with Miss H @ant330. Obviously I wouldn't completely shut the door on her but I wouldn't resurrect the relationship unless she did some serious introspection and really worked on herself.

feistymumma · 06/08/2019 10:30

Ooh can I join please? Recently single and I am on Tinder and Hinge.

feistymumma · 06/08/2019 10:30

Ooh can I join please? Recently single and I am on Tinder and Hinge.

supercali77 · 06/08/2019 10:35

@Ant330 - yeah you did the right thing. Whatever her issues she's basically a bit of a headf**ker. A grown adult communicates directly with some level of certainty, not vacillating vaguely and leaving you to guess what's happening for weeks.

serendiptygirl · 06/08/2019 11:29

I'm new to this post and have to say what a relief I'm not on this dating ocean on my own. I've been single now for 3 years since my last boyfriend. I was married (divorced 8 years ago). Have done the dating apps..but boy..what is wrong with this men. Firstly, they are ooober keen (I mean sickly) and then it peters out after a couple of messages. I don't know about any of you but I refuse to get into the whole 'sexual banter' in the first instance. It seems odd doing this as you have never met and what if they are not what you are expecting when you do! However, I find that this makes men push on the brakes pretty quickly. Its odd, they seem to poor out their heart to you on the phone and in texts about their relationship or how they view the world, but you do the same...its a no no. At present I'm chatting to Mr Boxer, nice guy, very alpha (seem to attract them), seems lovely, long chats and sends me pics but then when I wouldn't speak to him late at night (11.30pm) I work in a hospital and needed to get up, was all quiet the next day. In two days, its gone from flirty and fun to mind games..I don't get it. Supposed to be meeting on Sunday for first time and having serious thoughts.

AverageGuy · 06/08/2019 11:32

Sunshine Happy Birthday!

NeverExpected There are a lot of guys out of LTR's who are "sowing their oats" I'm afraid. Somehow you have to weed them out..

Cassettes - no really, I can hardly hear anything...Sad It's a night mare at work, so trying to learn something new, especially over music, is going to have to wait until I can get them sorted...

Miss Hants has managed to not ring me several times, despite me making myself available Angry I think I'll write her off, and get back to the apps..

WooMaWang · 06/08/2019 11:38

@AverageGuy I had major ear wax related hearing issues this time last year. It was a nightmare. I remember having to concentrate really hard on my early dates with MrSG to make sure I heard him. Obviously I didn’t want to explain about the ear wax because it didn’t feel like something that would make me attractive.

I had to have 3 appointments at a clinic to get it all sucked out (using ear drops in between to soften it all up). It was such a relief when I could finally hear again.

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:40

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:40

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:40

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:40

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:40

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:40

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:44

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:44

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:48

Testing - can't seem to send a message on my phone

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:48

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:49

Sunshine Happy birthday
Ant i think I'll be joining you on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he still wanted to see me but has now gone cold again - should I use the same message again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:51

OK that worked

Sunshine Happy birthday

Ant I think I will be joining you back on the apps - the man I sent the message to that you used with MissH said he wanted to keep seeing me but he has now gone cold again - not sure if I'll send the same one again or think of a new one lol

candysroom · 06/08/2019 11:52

Multiples - sorry - this site is still poorly.

AverageGuy · 06/08/2019 11:53

womawang - Exactly! I'm due at the surgery tomorrow, hoping they can at least free up one ear...

ccgirr · 06/08/2019 11:54

Happy birthday sunshine! Hopefully once you back you can work round the early starts. Seems if he finishes at lunch he could nap?!? My iron does one 4am a week but then is not back til 8pm so that dictates a couple of our days. Enjoy the sun and don’t worry.
Welcome all the new people 👋🏻 serendipity I’d say meet as quick as possible

Ant330 · 06/08/2019 12:32

Candysroom I'm definitely not the one who should be giving advice on this topic Smile
However for what it's worth, I'm not instigating any contact with MissH now, and am trying my best to stick to my guns.
It's not been easy but I feel reasonably comfortable now with just putting the ball firmly back in her court and mentally moving on.

JeSuisPrest · 06/08/2019 12:35

Hello all - a nice new shiny Fred - thanks @Ginmel

Happy birthday @Sunshineandflipflops, hope you have good one in the sunshine and wearing your erm, flipflops? Pleased to hear MrSAS managed to redeem himself this morning- a nice message always seems to get things back on track and prevents major overthinking.

@Ant330 Well that's all a bit shit. Sorry she was flakey - what's meant to be will be and all that.Flowers

Had a great weekend with MrC - 3 days/2 nights, came back home last night, work today and driving back down his tonight until Thursday evening. Yep, I'm still absolutely smitten. He is as well but he won't say those 3 little words - I get messages telling me how much he's missing me and when we eventually fell into bed exhausted after entertaining all day Saturday and into the early hours he gathered me up in a big hug and whispered "JeSuis, you looked fucking gorgeous when you arrived today, I couldn't stop staring at you" - I swear to God, if I'd been wearing knickers they would have combusted, then we both fell asleep.Blush Despite his protestations that no DTDing would be happening whilst the Intimidating Aunt was in the next room, he lasted until Sunday morning. Weakling.

Today marks a new record for me in my OLD journey as being my longest relationship since I split with STBXH - 116 days and counting...

Off for a proper Fred catch up now - all these duplicate posts are a bit fucking annoying though.

Sunshineandflipflops · 06/08/2019 12:56

Thanks @JeSuisPrest, I am doing just that!