Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

casettes I think you mentioned it before because I do it now (delete chat and number). What a frickin relief. Choice made. Decision over. Not in my hands any more.

Great advice from cassettes. I kept every message from Mr S from the very beginning. Deleting it all was so hard. I did NC for about 6 weeks then cracked and got in touch wit him. After 2 days of intense contact when he pulled away again I realised I had to delete his messages and his number so I couldn't contact him again. Or obsess over last messages. It was scary to do but I feel immediate relief.

Good luck on your date tonight supercali

Are we full on this thread?! Let me try.

I said something in conversation to 5in1 where I called myself his girlfriend (it just came out naturally) and he carried on the conversation naturally in a way that agreed so I guess that's a word we're using now! 😍 bumped into friends in service station on my way home and had a coffee and told them I'd been with my boyfriend, so used that word too... I'm not used to them and to find myself saying it naturally is weird but very nice.

notmrscookie I'm 57, so may be way out of your target age range, but if you want, please pm me about your profile. Happy to help, if I can.

Someone a while ago asked about Kik. It's a messaging app, like Whatsapp, except that you don't have to record or give any details out about yourself, like your mobile phone number.

It has a reputation for being used by cheaters, as it's completely anonymous, but it's just a messaging tool.

Miss Close has messaged at least once a day since our date - nothing heavy, just "good morning" "how are you" type texts, which I'm ok with. Need to sort out a second date, to see if she is still as "keen".

Still trying to arrange a date with Miss Doctor (who I now know isn't a doctor, but a therapist, but I've already named her...) Our schedules seem to be almost completely swapped.. I'm free when she is busy, she is busy when I am free...

Date with Miss Old tonight. A little wary, as I think she may have an issue about the 10 year age difference, so we'll see how it goes.

Hello all, well thanks to your encouragement I signed up to pof, actually terrifying! I have only posted one pic and am struggling a bit with how to navigate the damn thing. So far, I have sent messages to a few people that looked nice, and replied to messages from a handful that weren't completely odd or opened with more than 'hey' which is just fucking lazy imo. Had a chat with a couple of nice sounding chaps who live near me, one looks lovely but uses 'lol' in every sentence and it's already annoying me (aibu?) and one who I have loosely agreed to meet for a drink when I am back home (away working for the next week).

My questions:

• it seems rude to completely ignore the messages I'm not interested in, but is this ok?

• is there a way I can clear the messages away I am not getting into chats with?

• how do you work out who is a good iron (?) and keep track?

• I think I am rebound guilty, and have a potentially complicated thing going on with an old school friend, which has cooled right off to just pals after we met to dtd back in the winter after bumping into each other and sparks flying all over the shop. Except he couldn't / wouldn't once we actually got together, because my separation was new and he felt it was cheating. Then we arranged to meet for a drink a month or so later (he lives 100s of miles away near my family) and he bottled it and ghosted me. Now we are back in touch as friends after 5 months of nc and taking our kids out together this weekend. I like him more than is wise, and want to get dating to make him less important iyswim? Anyway. The gist of this is that I am probably an awful person for anyone to date atm, and feel guilty about wasting people's time online.

• given the complicated shit above, and my massively poor sex life to date, a friend who uses fab as a couple suggested I sign up there, but I am super scared!

Advice and / or kicks welcome :)

Another Cassettes tip: I archive all chats with irons as soon as I’ve read and/or messaged them, so I cannot see blue ticks but no response as these always give me a little downer. It means my WhatsApp inbox is fit for prying (DD) eyes and all the visible chats are friends and family, which for me are much more important and remind me of my priorities.

Trying
It's hard, isn't it.
It's not rude to ignore conversations you aren't interested in. It's part of OLD, I think...

You can delete a conversation or block someone on POF. There are three "dots" to the right of their username. Click on those, and you will see some options.

As for working out who is a good iron, when you find out, please tell us all...

You aren't awful, just human.

Fab is good for ONS / FB /FWB, and you can find a LTR. It's possible to set up a profile that no-one can see, so that you can have a look around. Bats and Marlboro (I think) use, it, so can give you advice from a female point of view. I'm happy to help, but as a man, you may not want my help...

trying just echoing everything shitwith said. Fab is great if your looking for a confidence boost BUT its can be hard going and you really need to be ruthless!

Mr Big is travelling across country today to spend the night with his last FWB. I dont know how I feel about it.

Thank you all so much I would be rocking in a corner without your support I think! XH was emotionally abusive so I second guess myself a lot. Now going to delete all the crap messages off my pof instead of deleting my account in fear :) Might look again at fab if I can be secret on there, my friend's XH turned up on my pof within 24 hours of me setting up a profile and that felt awkward enough!

shitwith former. From last year. She lives a long way away and had got into a relationship so it ended. She has now broken up so Invited him over. I am absoloutly gutted tbh but I feel strange as I wouldnt want a proper relationship with him and I knew we were non exclusive. He knows I am still dating (not with any luck) and we agreed we would be open and honest about meeting others. He has stuck to this at least and told me. I think I need to end it as I obviously have the feels BUT I will miss him so much and the rest of my life is a disaster zone (STBXH) and he is such a nice distraction.

its defo a sex date though!

That's so hard @marbs I couldn't non exclusive and even if I could, I know if my FWB was offered sex on a plate, I'd want him to say no.

Rephrase that

Id want him to want to say no

Im going to end it ginmel

I need a hand hold everyone

Here for you

Marl and virtual, long distance hugs..

@Marlboroandmalbec34 big hugs lovely xxx

@marlboroandmalbec34 that sounds hard, and like the right call. Am assuming hugs are ok in this corner of mn and sending some anyway. xx

HH Marlboro

Dont tell the rest of MN that we hug here trying

Thanks everyone. Just messaging my bestie and she doesnt think I should end it, she thinks he is really good for me and is a perfect distration to all my other crap and the fact that I dont want a real relationship at the moment and that I have this very honest relationship with him means I should just keep it as it is. How do I keep the jealousy at bay though?