I just saw my dad watching gay porn

[pasanda]

Can't believe I'm writing this

I'm staying at my parents with the dc and was just off to bed when one of them realised he'd left his book down in the lounge. So I went to retrieve it and my dad was clearly watching something on his iPad. I asked what and he replied 'just checking my emails'.

There was sound though, and I thought he looked a bit weird, so I pretended to go back outside but really went back to the kitchen and round the back of him. Saw over his shoulder. Two men in a shower.

Happily married nearly 50 years. He's 73. Two kids. I love him so much. He said he was going to watch his 'sport' and he always got immersed in it so stayed up late. We had a laugh about that.

Do you think he's gay? I am absolutely flabbergasted tbh. My heart is racing and I wish I had never been so nosy!!

Do you think I'm over reacting? My mum has been poorly for about 12 years with a fibromyalgia type illness.

Why gay porn?? Fuck.

Don't catastrophize, I'm sure life will just carry on as ever. Loads of people do watch porn, doesn't make him a pervert or criminal. Though I can completely understand your shock!

I thought he might be watching a film or something which I thought was odd seeing the conversation we had just had.

During that conversation I even said 'I love the fact you love your sport and get really into it'. When he said he wouldn't be late up to bed, my mum commented jokingly that that is what he had said last night, yet he was really late. That's when he said he just gets immersed in it.

So when I heard him watching something else, I was curious. I NEVER in a million years thought I would see gay porn!

Have people never heard of bisexuality?

"It's just that this is my dad!!!"

And? I mean, yes it's shocking to see a parent having sex/watching porn. I think whilst we support their right to have a sex life, we don't want to see it. But he hardly shoved it under your nose.

Things to bear in mind -

1. Your mother has a long-term illness, so possibly their own sex life isn't going great. I think porn is very much preferable to an affair...
2. Many people (and other animals) are not 100% straight, and many (possibly the majority) of people who are bisexual never tell anyone, especially in older generations.
3. None of this has any implication for your family, their marriage etc. Nothing has changed.

Polla- yes about my mother. I have often wondered about that! But of course never asked.

I think it's just that it's so bloody different to the conservative, technophobe, slightly old fashioned dad I've always known!

I am just shocked! Not by the porn itself. Not by gay blokes. Or bisexuality. I just am.

Your dad is still the same man you love,whom you laugh with,parent who raised you
Except now you know he watches gay porn.and that’s all it is.stuff on an iPad
He’s still same man,he remains important to you. Don’t let this event become a big deal
I don’t want to guess the why/what,no point to it. Don’t dwell upon this

Hopefully this will teach you to let people enjoy their privacy. I hope you realise just how very wrong you was by spying on your dad!

Maybe he was just being nosey rather than seriously interested in gay porn.

What “opinions” were you expecting? No one here even knows your dad.

Maybe he’s gay. Maybe just curious. Maybe that clip was a small part of a longer one that involved a woman. Who knows?

In any event, it it simply none of your business. And I am staggered at your cheek in sneaking around to see what he was watching.

I think you were very wrong to spy on your dad.
Even if he was gay, it wouldn’t change who he is

I'd be pleased. I'm always stuck for gift ideas for my Dad.

My Grandfather is gay and left my Grandmother after 25 years of marriage for a man 30 years younger than him. It happens, it's distressing, and pretending that finding out your father possibly isn't and never was attracted to your mother isn't shocking and upsetting is disingenuous. It is shocking and possibly upsetting OP, and it's not because you are a prude or a homophobe.

I'd be pleased. I'm always stuck for gift ideas for my Dad.

That made me laugh out loud.

I'm sure it was shocking, but you'll just have to find a way to forget about it. You shouldn't have spied. I'm a little shocked that you did, frankly. He clearly didn't want you to know what he was doing, and you weren't entitled to know.

Thanks hotsouple

I'm sure bring party to your parent's sexuality is as horrifying as being party to your child's sexuality. It's just one of those things that you need to turn a blind eye to. It's just a part of him that really you have no business knowing about.

What is all this incredulous feeling about respecting privacy......he was in the sitting room!

Oh, for goodness sake....a man watching a clip of two men in a shower is not remotely the same as breaking up a marriage after 30 years. If that happens then the OP will be entitled to be upset at her father for hurting her mother. But that hasn’t happened and chances are it never will.

I wouldn’t have been horrified at my parents sexuality, obv, as I am the result of it...! but I would have been really upset by porn. The gay porn aspect obviously is even more of a shock as it is your happily married dad. I suppose in your place I would have a stiff drink and try to be philosophical about it - mull over how all our parents have unknowable parts of their personality.

MinitheMinx

“There was sound though, and I thought he looked a bit weird, so I pretended to go back outside but really went back to the kitchen and round the back of him”

It’s not where he was, but what she did.

I think the best way for you to 'frame it' in your mind is to treat it as though you accidentally walked in on him and your mum having sex, and managed to leave the room without them noticing you were there.
It is utterly not your business, and nor is it anything bad. It's unfortunate that you saw it, but you need to forget that you saw and carry on with life as normal.

Why on earth did you pretend to go upstairs, then go around to spy on him? I’m flabbergasted. How incredibly intrusive & rude. Why don’t you think he’s entitled to his privacy?

I’d laugh if he heard you creeping about to spy on him and did it on purpose to teach you a lesson.

...putting your awful behaviour to one side...

I’m sure you were shocked. Not many of us choose to think about our parents sex lives so being confronted by it like that is going to be weird (that’s what happens to snoopers).

Watching gay porn (how close were you that you could see the screen on his iPad?!) doesn’t make him gay. Many/most people fantasise about things they’d never actually do, watching different kinds of porn is no different.

Your mum has fib. Most of my friends who have it really don’t have good sex lives because of pain, tiredness etc. (some do, but most don’t). Your Dad probably ‘sorts himself out’ quite often to avoid putting your mum under pressure. Better straight/gaynporn than an affair*

Even if he is secretly gay, so what? He chose to make a life with your Mum and hopefully she’s been happy with him. Lots of people have done the same. I’d feel sorry for your Dad though if that was the case, it would have been a difficult thing to do, but ‘coming out’ was far, far harder 50 years ago.

Next time, mind you own business and try to remember he’s your Dad, but he’s an adult in his own right & entitled to his privacy.

Yes, it was where he was. That is the issue.

I'm lying here in bed not able to sleep, wondering why I went to look (as well as wishing I bloody well hadn't). Particularly after all the 'you shouldnt have been so nosy' comments.

I honestly don't know why. I knew it was something he didnt want me to know. I could see it in his eyes. And who checks their emails with sound in the background?

Maybe it's being the parent of two teenagers and just questioning everything they tell me/don't tell me. Who knows. But I sure as hell won't to that again!

Well, this is why you don't snoop.

Also watching a few seconds of gay porn doesn't make you gay. At all.

Justfor- close enough to see two men in a shower. The sound was on quite high. He's a bit deaf. He wouldn't have heard me and def wouldn't have done it for a laugh.