I just saw my dad watching gay porn

[pasanda]

Can't believe I'm writing this

I'm staying at my parents with the dc and was just off to bed when one of them realised he'd left his book down in the lounge. So I went to retrieve it and my dad was clearly watching something on his iPad. I asked what and he replied 'just checking my emails'.

There was sound though, and I thought he looked a bit weird, so I pretended to go back outside but really went back to the kitchen and round the back of him. Saw over his shoulder. Two men in a shower.

Happily married nearly 50 years. He's 73. Two kids. I love him so much. He said he was going to watch his 'sport' and he always got immersed in it so stayed up late. We had a laugh about that.

Do you think he's gay? I am absolutely flabbergasted tbh. My heart is racing and I wish I had never been so nosy!!

Do you think I'm over reacting? My mum has been poorly for about 12 years with a fibromyalgia type illness.

Why gay porn?? Fuck.

Passanda I have to say I think some people have been quite hard on you. Being shocked/upset doesn't make you homophobic etc etc. At the end of the day he is your dad and you have grown up believing him to be completely straight (and very likely is) so the thought that he could possibly have been living a lie all these years is bound to be a huge shock. I think every single person who has posted on here would feel exactly the same as you do.

I know of two men who have admitted they sometimes watch gay porn and both are totally straight but find it fascinating. I can totally understand how hard it will be to erase that image but what else can you do? Do you feel close enough to ask him although I'm not sure that would be wise.

You do what you think is best but remember he is still your dad and loves you just the same whether this was curiosity or not.

I think you shouldn't feel bad OP. If he really wanted privacy he wouldn't be looking at gay porn, or even his bank statement in a shared space where anyone could walk in, or wait until everyone is out.

I know I would struggle with this. My mother was a fantastic woman, my father was.....ok. I had far more loyalty to her, and empathy, we are women. And I know if I found DP looking at gay porn I'd probably walk away. I could not accept it. I would probably ask my father why he was looking at it? And I'd want to know if my mother had wasted her trust and loyalty on someone who hadn't been 100% loyal and faithful to her, because that is what she deserved.

Sai- I saw a few seconds. Who knows how long he watched it for. Tonight, or all the nights over the last however many years

Perhaps it was Brokeback Mountain ? hopeful

@pisanda

Another one here who is mortified at you sneaking around, and nosing at your father's ipad. A gross invasion of privacy. Your poor old dad! I feel really sorry for him as you sound horribly judgemental.

Some things are private, and as a few people have said, many straight people watch lesbian/gay sex, as they find it arousing. Different people find different stuff a turn on, and most people have desires and passions for things that no-one else knows about - not even their spouse!

And just coz your dad is 73, that doesn't mean he isn't allowed to watch sex - even GAY sex. Just coz there is snow on the roof, that doesn't mean the fire has gone out. Forget what you saw, and FFS don't TELL anyone. Not even your husband. NO-ONE. What you saw is private, and it would be pure nasty to tell ANYone about it. You have already blabbed on here about it!

And in future, don't be so pissing nosey!

@feelingfree79

I actually think these oldies view all sorts of things online, just curious as it was all so different in their day and don't think they can believe what is readily available at the click of a button!

PMSL at that. How utterly condescending! It's the 'OLDIES' that you are deriding who invented the internet - AND computers!

@minitheminx

I think you shouldn't feel bad OP. If he really wanted privacy he wouldn't be looking at gay porn, or even his bank statement in a shared space where anyone could walk in, or wait until everyone is out.

Are you kidding? He HAD privacy, but the OP (his daughter) violated it by being nosey and intrusive and VERY inappropriate.

but who cares? i don't get it.

and you say he wouldn't do it for a laugh (or presumably curiosity) but a day ago you didn't think he'd have watched it full stop! you really don't know.

please don't be crass enough to ask him about this. it's none of your business and it really is your own fault for snooping. he's not your child and it's not your house.

agree kimanda there's just something horrid about OP waiting behind the door to catch her dad out. why? it's just horrible.

Thanks mini

I do actually feel a bit better having posted, despite the telling off!

I am trying to think of it happening because of my mums illness and have genuinely wondered before now, how they cope with it. Not in a pervy way, just feeling sorry for them both tbh.

I just wish it had been straight porn I saw a glimpse of (maybe it was, like a pp said, and I only saw a few seconds). And no, I'm not homophobic.

I'm also a bit at the fact he started watching it before the dc and me were even settled in bed. It's like he was just desperate to get on to it.

Seriously there is nothing wrong with your father being on the bisexuality scale or watching porn. Grow up

Sai- maybe you wouldn't care. That's fine.

I clearly do though.

I really don't need to grow up thanks. I'm 45

Why do this in the sitting room?

I find society quite odd. We have social media, we share, share, share, we watch, watch, watch. We film people in public and we share, we tell people stuff and self disclose almost the entire contents of our lives and our heads (and for some people both are pretty vacant spaces) and we assume that WE are interesting to all and sundry. And yet when it comes to what we access on technology we want privacy! And what are looking at? Something that someone has decided not to keep private. Odd.

I'm not homophobic, but I would be shocked and I would feel very uncomfortable if I found my father watching gay porn. He really could have waited and done so at some other time, or shut himself away, where his privacy was assured.

Kimanda Why are you being so harsh on OP when she is clearly shocked and upset. Isn't MN a place for people to ask advice and to get a little understanding when we are feeling upset? "You have already blabbed about it on here" She has hardly disclosed her name and address or that of her dad has she?

Do you really expect us to believe that if you had been in the OP's shoes you'd have not turned a hair (yes we know you wouldn't have looked in the first place) because that is total bollocks!

I do struggle to sometimes understand why people feel the need to kick others when they are already down. As for dictating who she must not tell, that his her business not yours.

Kimamda- if you'd rtft you would see I am not going to tell a soul.

Bisexual, curious about something v taboo when he was younger, bored, someone mentioned a term and he looked it up... plenty of reasons and none which mean his life was a lie and he doesn’t love your mum.

Then act your age because biphobia/erasure is something you expect from a child.

Was he sat watching " the murder of Gianni Versace"? The episode this week features a gay shower scene .

@sandgrown I was thinking the same.

RBB - chill out.

Sandgrown - maybe

I reckon that's what I should believe, maybe then my heart will stop racing

It should be on iPlayer you could check if the scenes are the same

Biphobia.....I've learned a new word. Everyone is so cool these days.

I once decided I wanted to be a purple, unicorn, lesbian, lefty, single mother of 10, a ninja and an art thief, special? Of course we are all unique. And all equal. That is why I'm so uncool. I just can't get with the idea that we have to blindly follow fashion when it comes to identity and discrimination. Do we really need all these cool individuating labels and then create equally individuating exclusionary terms to describe discrimination? It's a form of discrimination to do so, because it's exclusionary.

I'm out.

I hope you make peace with everything OP.

I daren't, in case it's not!

I think I will just try and think that instead.

Hey mini - thanks for your support. Sleep well

Some of these posts are ridiculous. For gods sake, she peered over his shoulder when he was watching an iPad, she didn’t set up CCTV in his bedroom!

I think most people would feel unnerved if they’d seen this, it doesn’t mean anything bad or that the OPs Dad isn’t the same lovely man he always has been but it’s still not the kind of thing anyone wants to see their parents looking at!

Maybe it is the GV programme, OP I’d just tell yourself that is what it was. Sounds a plausible explanation anyway :)