Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband spying on me

133 replies

Crazycake · 28/09/2017 11:06

Dh has been asking every day this week if there's been any parcels in the post, when I've asked what he's waiting for he's been very aloof. I went on the laptop yesterday (shared computer) and he'd sent an email to amazon asking where his parcel was. I have never had a reason to snoop but something didn't sit right. I put the link into the search bar in google and he's ordered what looks like a USB stick but it's a motion detector spy cam with sound. I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Noodles4Me · 28/09/2017 11:14

Intercept the parcel when it comes. And take your laptop to a computer place to see if there are existing spy ware on your laptop.

ChuffMuffin · 28/09/2017 11:15

Ask him what he's ordered a motion detector spy cam with sound for. Let him know that you know what he's up to. If he accuses you of snooping on him (rich since he's the one that ordered a spy cam) tell him that he left the email open on the laptop.

gibdib · 28/09/2017 11:16

Ask him!

ChuffMuffin · 28/09/2017 11:17

Also run a free online virus scan to make sure he's not already installed something on your computer. Can you check his previous purchases on Amazon to make sure he's not bought any other spy stuff?

solsbury · 28/09/2017 11:44

Does he have form for this sort of behavior?

Original poster
Crazycake · 28/09/2017 12:24

Ive caught him looking through my phone occasionally but nothing like this. He knows all of my passwords, I have nothing to hide.

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 28/09/2017 12:29

@Crazycake Ive caught him looking through my phone occasionally but nothing like this. He knows all of my passwords, I have nothing to hide.

Angry Was that the line he fed you to get you to hand them over?
Regardless of not whether you have "anything to hide", everyone is entitled to privacy without needing a reason.

I know my OH's laptop PIN as I have seen him key it in, but I wouldn't dream of accessing his laptop behind his back. He has a right to his own business, however trivial or "clean" they are.

ShotsFired · 28/09/2017 12:31

In my ire at the "Nothign to hide" line, I didn't evem comment on the bit about him looking through yur phone

He needs to get to fuck with that sort of behaviour. Add that to the spycam and you have redflags popping up quicker than you can say "run for the hills!"

If this behaviour is all so fine, I assume you frequently snoop through his phone and have all his passwords too?

No, didn't think so.

Loopylind · 28/09/2017 12:33

Could it be for work? Just throwing that in there.

Herbcake · 28/09/2017 12:37

If he's planning to use it to spy on you, he's a bit thick to keep asking you about parcels.

Loopylind · 28/09/2017 12:39

I would add that anyone spying will always hear or see what they want to no matter how or why it’s done.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/09/2017 12:40

I wouldn't imagine this is the only controlling and abusive behaviour he has shown.
Do you have DC together?
Do you work out of the home?
I wonder what he's hoping to catch you doing?
Also do check that the laptop and your phone don't have spyware on them.
This would be a complete deal breaker for me.
Is it definitely to spy on you?
Does he run his own business and maybe hoping to catch a thief or something?

Original poster
Crazycake · 28/09/2017 12:40

I know his passwords but never felt the need to snoop. It can't be for work, he'd have no use for it there, I work from home.

OP posts:
mymorningbeautyroutine · 28/09/2017 12:41

Ive caught him looking through my phone occasionally but nothing like this. He knows all of my passwords, I have nothing to hide.

Doesn't matter whether you have nothing to hide or a cupboard full of skeletons, there's no excuse for looking through your phone/private files/texts.

ShotsFired · 28/09/2017 12:42

@Crazycake I know his passwords but never felt the need to snoop

I bet you a pound to a penny they are not the passwords you thought they were anymore.

Can you honestly not see how dangerous his actions are?

RatRolyPoly · 28/09/2017 12:43

Weird, what is he expecting to tell you is in the parcel when it DOES arrive?? It's not like he's gone the whole hog and has hidden the fact he's getting a parcel, but I'd find it super odd if dp got a parcel but outright refused to tell me what was in it!

Whatever the details this doesn't look good, but unless he's prepared to tell you I think you'll be lucky get the answers you're looking for. I guess you could forget about it for now, wait til it arrives then - knowing what it is - see if you spot it lurking around the house in the future... But if you're going to do that you've got to wonder what sort of relationship you've got anyway.

ShotsFired · 28/09/2017 12:43

What do you think he'll say when he reads this thread?

Loopylind · 28/09/2017 12:45

Try some of these tips

www.google.co.uk/amp/m.wikihow.com/Detect-Hidden-Cameras-and-Microphones%3famp=1

Although it might just spiral out of control! I suppose best and quickness route is to ask him.

HarmlessChap · 28/09/2017 12:49

It's not uncommon to see posts on here making suggestions to suspicious partners to invest in equipment to track and monitor their OH, so cleraly this kind thing happens.

Assuming your OH has no basis to suspect you are cheating and that the device is intended to monitor you, then either its an issue of control or insecurity, the latter is possibly easier to accept than the former but borh are his problem and something he needs to reign in. If he is unwilling to modify I guess you need to decide if you are happy to live constantly wondering if you are being monitored.

TiesThatBindMe · 28/09/2017 12:56

How does it work? Would he need to plug into laptop?

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 28/09/2017 12:56

He's a bit of a rubbish spy though for leaving evidence where you can find it?
But seriously this is weird.

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2017 13:02

He bought a camera to spy on you?!

Is he usually so controlling?

Original poster
Crazycake · 28/09/2017 13:59

I don't understand though, he's not controlling normally. I can go out, I have friends. He can be like a closed book emotionally sometimes but tells me he loves me all the time as do I him. We've been together 10 years, we have children.

OP posts:
SparklingRaspberry · 28/09/2017 14:05

I wouldn't say anything to him yet

Wait until the parcel arrives and once he's home ask what it was.

If he lies then you can outright tell him you know exactly what it is, and the fact he would've lied about it proves what he was gunna be using it for! (Spying on you)

The thing is there could be a genuine reason. So far he hasn't done anything wrong. If you ask him what the parcel was and he tells you exactly what it is, then you ask why he needs it etc

But until he hides it or lies about it, he's not done anything which is why I'd hold back from confronting him.
I don't tell my partner what all my parcels are. I ordered something similar as I had suspicions about our neighbour. If my partner had seen my email he may have thought I was buying it to spy on him. When my parcel arrived I showed and told him.

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 28/09/2017 18:36

Wait and see if he uses it ... if he does do loads of really weird shit around the cam

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.