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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

626 replies

worldupsidedown · 18/08/2017 02:58

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

OP posts:
spunkymom22 · 18/08/2017 03:18

Good message. But I am afraid he really doesn't care what he does to you or your daughter. I am really sorry he's turned out to be such a S&^t, but you are wonderful, and you are the world to your daughter. Flowers

JWrecks · 18/08/2017 03:31

Fuck him, the bastard.

I'm so sorry.

I've got no advice to offer you, as you're doing brilliantly, but fucks sake I really hate that man. I don't even know him!

JWrecks · 18/08/2017 03:34

Double post! But I do have one thing:

Think of how wonderful it's going to feel a few months down the road, when he sees what an immense twat he's been, sees how he's completely destroyed his lovely life, wakes up to how woefully unhappy he's made himself, and tries to come crawling back to you.

Think of how wonderful it's going to feel to tell him to fuck right off and never come back again.

Flowers
LilyMcClellan · 18/08/2017 03:34

Pack his stuff in a couple of big boxes and courier it all to his workplace. Then send him an advisory text that since he didn't have the decency to do one simple thing to make your life more pleasant after he shat all over it, you've fixed the problem yourself.

lazycrazyhazy · 18/08/2017 03:58

World. I'm awake and see you are too. I just wanted to pick up on something a PP mentioned the other day and give you a hand hold.

My DIL (who I love) is Athenian. It's a very socially conservative place. Her parents would have been appalled if she'd brought home a man almost 20 years older, much less married with a child (though no doubt this will be underplayed). In the unlikely event this works out he is not going to have an easy time. Culturally the countries are so different, think much further East. Not at all like Italy for instance. For instance her parents thought it amazing (possibly dodgy) that my DH changed DGD's nappy, men weren't allowed into births until about the millennium etc. Men and women also socialise separately a great deal. The women can be quite matriarchal and excluding, though supportive of each other (as the men don't seem to be much involved from what I've seen).

Stupid man, what a caricature of a fool. You on the other hand will go on to better things. You really deserve that. Hope your SHL is on it for you and that you and DD have some treats planned for the weekend.

Original poster
worldupsidedown · 18/08/2017 04:05

I can't sleep right now. I'm trying to distract myself. I just ordered some supplements and shoes(!) from Amazon. I'm at a loss what to do. Much as I like the idea of sending everything to his office, I don't want to rock the boat. Last thing I need is him to lose his job.

OP posts:
Timefortea99 · 18/08/2017 04:20

Could you ask your solicitor about the packing? Is there an outbuilding where you can put his stuff?

Perhaps he is hedging his bets. He might be seeing the lie of the land with the Greek family. And then pack, or not.

He is a self absorbed fucker. He gives no shits about anybody but himself. He has shared his life with you for so long it is really odd how he is treating you so coldly, not seeing or speaking to check you are okay. You must feel massively hurt at the betrayal AND the cruelty. I am so sorry for your pain.

You need to be coldly angry now. Don't do rash knee jerk things, however tempting. You want the maximum you can get out of him financially. He thinks he is going to swan off in his lary shirts and start anew. Well he can, but in reduced circumstances because you will be starting anew too.

Look after yourself in every way.

X

lazycrazyhazy · 18/08/2017 04:21

I think you're right and think doing that (at this point) would lose your high moral ground and dignity. Also horrible for your DD.

I think the least painful course of action for you all round is to progress ASAP to the best divorce package you can get. Then you can go NC except for parenting arrangements. As DD is 15 you probably don't need to micro manage that even.

Can't imagine how you must feel - from your first suspicions to this situation in a very short time. I hope your DM is still supportive and that you have lots of RL support.

KeziaOAP · 18/08/2017 04:29

Another one wide awake here.

What a cold unfeeling man, angry for you and DD. No don't send his stuff to his office, as you say you don't want to rock the boat and you don't know how he would retaliate.

Is this what originally he said was a sailing weekend before you confronted him about YOW? So he's back Monday? Has he taken his car?

Try and get some sleep, hard I know when your mind is all over the place.

Original poster
worldupsidedown · 18/08/2017 04:30

Yes this is the' sailing weekend' and yes, his car is still here.

OP posts:
Original poster
worldupsidedown · 18/08/2017 04:37

I've just seen a room to rent advertisement on Nextdoor, available immediately. It's a 'family home' mother and daughter (probably on the other side of my situation)

I'm tempted to get in touch and arrange it for him!

OP posts:
Timefortea99 · 18/08/2017 04:55

Sorry, lost track. So he is in Athens but he told you he was going sailing this weekend a few weeks back? Might he have actually gone sailing? If not, does he know you know it is actually Athens?

Rhubarbginisnotasin · 18/08/2017 05:16

World, please for your own sake stop trying to get this man to feel something because the simple fact is this - even if you used him as a human pin cushion he wouldn't feel a thing because he's just not made that way.

Nanna50 · 18/08/2017 05:20

What a bastard. Could his mother not store his stuff, is it tomorrow she is coming? If she's too far away ask her to arrange a storage unit. Normally I would agree with not sending his stuff to work, its too much like airing your laundry in public, although this bastard deserves it.

Then I would lose my keys this weekend and have the locks changed, no spares to hand out. Having him coming in and out of your home and ignoring you as though you no longer exist is despicable, arrogant twat that he is.

... and breathe ... Flowers Gin

fizzandchips · 18/08/2017 05:36

You are being such a good role model for your daughter. I hope you find some moments over the weekend when the turmoil doesn't feel overwhelming and you enjoy her company.

Thefutureisbright2017 · 18/08/2017 05:46

So sorry you're going through this FlowersBeggars belief how cold and uncommunicative he's been World. Serve him with those papers on Monday and file for DIVORCE. Find your rage and plough on. You have your special event coming up, I found it quite cathartic to do the makeover. Cut /colour your hair, get those nails done and if like I was and your well on your way down the 'heartache diet' buy some new clothes to best show off your new figure Grin he'll notice and soon realise what a twunt hes been. Too late though....

Karatecas · 18/08/2017 06:03

Not a lot can be said that other MNers haven't already said- be strong so you can hold your head up high.

Neutrogena · 18/08/2017 06:06

Time to process the hurt and pain and move on.
Sounds like you're doing the right thing OP. Flowers

nigelsbigface · 18/08/2017 06:17

Ah here you are. I posted on the other thread by mistake.
Thinking of you world- I can't believe how callous he is being.

kateandme · 18/08/2017 06:25

I feel really bad for not knowing whats gone on.but wow.you sound amazing.so dignified your words and post oose such grace in what I'm now gathering is a traumatic and vunerable time for you.
please take care.if it ebs and flos then crashes over you this weekend,no that its going to feel to much.too infuriating.too agonising and all sorts of thoughts will pop up.but you are being amazing.i reeeeet good mum for your daughter and one that many people should look to in awe of in this kind of situ.
we are all here if you need to vent.
don't be alone if you can.
seek comfort in hugs.

Brenna24 · 18/08/2017 06:29

Well done on keeping your dignity. You are right, you really don't want to include his work. Maybe try and organise to do something nice this weekend with your DD. It will make the time go a bit faster, even if you aren't up to fully enjoying it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will get easier. Flowers

gingeristhenewblack43 · 18/08/2017 06:31

Selfish twunt  I hope he gets a case of the galloping trots and ruins his weekend.

I know your marriage wasn't depending on whether or not he went but this must still feel like a slap in the face.  world.

Overworrier · 18/08/2017 06:45

As he has chosen NOT to take his shirts, I would assume they're not wanted & can be binned Grin

Figgygal · 18/08/2017 07:00

Well he's already shown himself to be anything but decent so doubt he will move out. Keep at him world!!

mummmy2017 · 18/08/2017 07:01

I think you would be better to file now, you can claim the fact he is visiting her family in the divorce, and get loads sorted very quickly.
Move before he does and hold the upper hand.
This can be sorted quickly if you want it too, after all he won't want his life spread out for all to know about if he is in Management.
Make him face what he has done, instead of letting him try to manage you.

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