#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

[worldupsidedown]

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

About naming the Co-Respondent, could I just repeat what I posted above, where I quoted directly from a website I have no reason to disbelieve?
"When people first become aware of adultery they are very often outraged and one of the first reactions may be to seek revenge. This is natural enough but one should be wary of the temptation to name the Co-Respondent (the outside party) in the divorce petition. This is because (a) it is not actually necessary to name the Co-Respondent and (b) not naming the Co-Respondent usually makes the divorce process easier. The reason for this latter is that if the Co-Respondent is named the divorce petition needs to be served on him/her. There can sometimes be difficulties of service when there is only one person to serve. To add to the number of people who must be served with the divorce petition merely doubles the chance of difficulty. The Petitioner should also bear in mind that the Co-Respondent has no particular incentive to co-operate by returning the papers to the court and this is exacerbated by the fact that that the person guilty of the adultery and the Co-Respondent may be ordered to pay the costs of the divorce by the court if there is no agreement to the contrary. Few people accept that cheerfully."

Just choked on my dinner over 'shirty valentine'. Genius.

I'd do exactly the same. And I think naming her gives some leverage - for example OP could say she'll withdraw the OW's name once she's been served with the petition if the husband admits adultery and agrees to pay all her costs.

Or the OW can flatly refuse to sign so the OP will be forced to do it anyway.

Remember the long game. Unreasonable behaviour is quicker , less contentious, gives OW no power because it doesn't involve her and the affair can still be cited.

*My friend had the OW served with the divorce papers. It's not difficult if you know where she works, can do it there if you want to be certain

She can still refuse to sign any papers.

Many solicitors advice not going down this route and to file for unreasonable behaviour.

interesting! it would be very satisfying to get her back up. petty too, but nonetheless.

Does anyone care if she signs though? It's more the satisfaction of having it served...

Does anyone care if she signs though? It's more the satisfaction of having it served...

Well it wastes money, court time and achieves nothing.

Well this is what I did, I was advised by my solicitor to not name the OW as it just complicates the divorce. However she suggested she write to my ExH stating that her client ( me) had decided not to name Ms YOW in the divorce and cite the reason as adultery but just say unacceptable behaviour. I sent a copy of the letter to my ExH's ow just to let her see the impact their behaviour had on my family. Her family were mortified at her part in the affair and he ended up dropping her like a burning coal.
He got into rather a lot of hot water with her Dad who used to be a good friend.

Sorry, OP.

I don't know what you're allowed /not allowed to do re moving his stuff into his car, etc, and 'encouraging' him to just go already, but he really is a prize arse for not making arragements to leave immediately seeing as he's off to Greece with YOW.

Which would have been his 'sailing weekend' if you hadn't called him on his entire slimy affair.

Put his things in his car and hope he takes the hint when he gets back?

I wonder how you would stand with boxing everything up in the room, and leaving it ready for him to take on his return??

Could you book your own holiday?

Be careful how much you say too you MIL she may not agree but he is still her son. You won't know really where her loyalties lie.

Hi Op, I posted on an earlier thread. I totally understand why petitioning for adultery would feel like you are taking control but really you are just adding another person/issue/lawyer into this. Focus on what you need - you need rid. Rid of him of her and of everything that's bringing you down. I'd advise filing under unreasonable behaviour and moving on. It doesn't matter who he has betrayed you for - only that he's betrayed you, your vows and your child.
Get rid and start a happier life.
He's an idiot and eventually he'll realise it but not until he's ruined your memories. Ditch the quickest way you can.

I said on your previous thread OP that you should keep this straightforward and as easy as this horrible process can be for you. I said file for divorce asap and on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I stick by what I said. I could, and wanted to file for adultery, for no other reason than to name and shame the OW. My SHL rightly advised me to avoid this as it would delay things.

I'm glad I took her advice. Knowing that I might file for adultery and name her shocked ex and OW to the core. But ultimately, I wanted it done and dusted as UB was quicker, and couldn't be contested.

Focus on the end game.

Look after yourself.

File and serve him when he gets back from his trip. Don't change the locks, just let him get his stuff and slink off.

You're better than them. You don't need to play games. Save your energy for rebuilding your new life.
As always, I wish you well.

I'm concerned that World is in quite a vulnerable position financially, and is dependant for the foreseeable future on his wage providing for her and DDs until the divorce is settled financially. She currently has full access to all funds, as far as she is aware.

It's very reasonable to ask him to leave the home asap as it's an intolerable situation with him skulking about in silence etc. Hopefully he will move out immediately he returns from Athens, as World asked him to, a few hours before he left for Athens

However, if World acts in ways that he perceives as aggressive, or passive aggressive, with dumping his clothes etc. and without giving him the opportunity to go voluntarily, he could dig his heels in, and retaliate by making things much more difficult financially. It may put her in a much worse and worrying position.

I think World's best staying strong cool and collected at this time, and not raising the anti for now. Focus on getting the best financial settlement you can, and on building a new life for yourself.

It's official! I have a CF milk man using our driveway to turn around his kitty at 4:20 am! Driving all the way in and turning around and driving out again, waking/setting off the dogs in the process!

I spoke to my SHL yesterday, my head is so fuddled right now I can't remember everything and I (parked) in the car. Going for mediation first is definitely the way forward in the process, I think with the intention of immediate divorce on grounds of adultery. I think, depending on his behaviour, the mere suggestion of naming OW could be used in leverage. I have a gut suspicion that he may not even be thinking of divorce rather some long term 'agreement'.

still amazed at your bravery and such flawlessness and grace with all this OP.
as long as your not losing out id do whatever it takes to get your worth and out as quick as possible.as soon as this idiot is out of your life and left to dwell on his dickish actions the better.
I cant wait for in some time in the future you get up and take a deep breathe and release it with such pride at your strength and for finally being free and able to move on.here here to this being very very soon.
keep going.we are all still here rooting all day long for you.

Hope you had a good day shopping Yesterday and spent lots of money. It beggars belief he thinks you can put up with this in any form worldand not get a divorce. He knows it'll be messy for him and a larger chunk of assets will be awarded to you and DD. Take the advice of lawyer, mediation (although futile) means you look reasonable and compliant in the process. Then you can put your SHL to work on him.

Call the milk company and ask them to have a word with the driver.

Oh yes, so yesterday we decided between two large towns we live between which one we'd go to. Then neither of us noticed until we were neatly there I was actually driving to the wrong town! So I turned around and headed in the right direction! We bought some tat in Primark, DD bought some new bras I bought some new nightwear, I even bought some false lashes to try! Then we went looking for a dress for DD to wear to her BFs 17th birthday in a few weeks. We found something lovely in Hollister www.hollisterco.com/shop/uk/girls-dresses-and-rompers/lace-maxi-dress-9793890_01?ofp=true looks much nicer on DD as she not flat chested, gets that from her mum! Then we went to John Lewis and I bought a job lot of Liz Earl e to try and sort out my skin. I've put on an overnight mask last night and have a nourishing one I'm going to use this morning. Then we went to Office to find some shoes to go with DDs dress, she tried a few styles but they were either too high or not comfortable, then we found some in the style and comfort she wanted but not in black, so we ordered them and the should arrive, free, next week.

Please dont have your mind set on mediation being the end of it. Mediation can be long and hideous. And be very wary; the mediator is NOT interested in getting you a fair deal...only in reaching an agreement as quickly as possible. She will not be fighting your corner. You need to go in strong and fight for what you want

I WOULD pack up all his stuff and get it to his mum's or into storage. It might not be the 'correct' thing to do, he might still legally be entitled to stay in the home, but he probably won't call the police to regain entry? Yes, it might 'rock the boat'...but the boat is going to have to be rocked at some point. You need him to leave

I've been lurking on your threads and you're doing so well, you must be in absolute turmoil right now.

Anyway, I just delurked to say try astral, Nivea or ponds for your skin. My favourite is astral, big blue tub for less than £10 and is amazing, consistently out performs more expensive creams.
I have chronically dry skin and frequently get compliments on my skin as I use this and it keeps the crazy dryness in check!

Lurks away...