#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

[worldupsidedown]

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

World I really wouldn't get your MIL to phone him. Sort it thought SHL and mediator. Any phone call which involves other people and when he is with OW is not going to end well. It will more likely put his back up and you are less likely for him to move out. I don't think putting his MIL in the middlewill help either. Keep things close for a while longer. Don't discuss him with MIL. Can you speak to SHL today?

Don't have her phone him and put it on speaker. You are just torturing yourself. I echo what a PP said about gathering all the stuff you really want to keep and all the important paperwork and putting it somewhere he can't get to it. I would be tempted to bag up all his stuff and leave it in his room. That is not illegal. It isn't leaving the house and he can just load his car up when he gets back.

I hope MIL is a comfort and a help this weekend.

Grrrrrrr
What a prize cunt he is.
I hope you are now realising that you are far better off without this knobhead as your 'D'H.
Stay busy this weekend!
Try to stay positive.
You are doing so well.

I'm not sure talking to SHL will make any progress. It seems the only way is via mediation first. Mediator is going to email him to set up his appointment

Can you not serve the papers without mediation? My experience is that they can be treated separately.

World, you are doing brilliantly.

I agree that you need to get the divorce started. It's much easier to divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour than adultery. You can still talk about him having an affair in the divorce petition but you don't need to prove anything and it is much less likely to be contested.

I agree with pp about putting all his stuff in his room or his car. Tell your MIL that the marriage is over but she will always be part of DD's life. Make it clear that mediation will be to negotiate a financial agreement, nothing else.

I'm sure you can serve the divorce petition without mediation. It's only the decree absolute that won't be granted without a financial settlement which is what the mediation is for.

Stay positive, unfortunately the wheels of the legal system can turn very slowly...and if your ex is as arrogant as he sounds he won't be in any rush to to make those wheels move any quicker. Keep pushing him though, don't give up, you have the initiative in this. Whilst he's away having his "Shirley Valentine" moment you can crack on.

Oh please let's call him Shirley Valentine from now on!

Packing his stuff and changing the locks will cause nothing but trouble.

Money is power and he's the one earning here.

You'll make things much worse, when he decides to change where his salary goes and pay the bare minimum.

He might actually realise it's not working and find a place to stay pretty quickly.

These fantasies of putting his stuff in bin bags and putting in his car will come over as bitter. No need to give him the satisfaction of this.

The ace up your sleeve is the effect this is having on your DD. Use that to your best advantage.

I know it's a horrible situation, seeing that he's clearly shown who he wants to be with and where his loyalty lies.

Marital breakdown is up there as one of the most stressful events in life... Then add infidelity and it takes the wind out of you.

Look after yourself and DD.

What Kittychatcat said...You can serve divorce papers without attending mediation, get the ball rolling, keep going...state adultery as the reason for divorce, thats what he's done. He'll look an even bigger idiot if he deny's/contests it..He's in Greece with the OW the twat!

things are about to get very real for Shirley Valentino!

I bet Shirley will be stuck talking to a wall when this is all over

Also don't see why you can't file papers now and run mediation in parallel. And I don't see why he'd contest an adultery filing since he is openly cheating on you. I would ask that he pays all your costs, since you're the innocent party.

Do you have a set of car keys? If so, pack all his things and leave it in his car. Put safety chains on the door and lock him out that way. As the locks wouldn't be touched, your not technically doing anything wrong

I agree with the others start the ball rolling for divorce along side the mediation.

The divorce is non-negotiable.

The mediation is to attempt to sort assets etc fairly cheaper than a nasty solicitor battle.

Both will take time. Don't hold up starting the divorce as he may realise how expensive renting a bachelor flat is and forking out for two households on top of paying for OW to hang around

Mediation isn't binding get it started sooner so you are not short changed.

God I can't believe he has actually gone!!! Shows you what a worthless scumbag he is he would rather swan off for a romantic weekend than try to make amends with his daughter and face up to his responsibilities: I.e. making arrangements for your separation. He is still living in his fantasy world.

Just be thankful you have a weekends peace away from the awkward silences and wondering what time he will be home etc.

loopytiles
He doesn't legally "have to" do anything innagazing, and many men in these situations refuse to move out

I'm fully aware that legally he doesn't "have to" move out. It was meant as a figure of speech, and why I also said "Even he must see that..." and
"Now you just have to wait to see whether he will respect that, and collect his clothes after he returns"
and suggested that World gets MIL onside to help him see that it would be best to move out.

Yes, you definitely can start the divorce before mediation. I have just petitioned for a divorce from my STBEXH and it's the first thing I have done, havent even discussed finances yet.

World, knowing he is in Athens with OW this weekend is possibly the most painful time you're going to have in this whole divorce process.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do at times like this, is just to 'be', but I think that's what you have to do this weekend.

You've already done the things you need to, arranged SHL, mediation, and house valuations. You can't 'do' anything with his clothes and possessions while he's away, or take any other action, without the risk of looking unreasonable.

I think you need to be kind to yourself, try to find some nice things to distract yourself, whether that's a night away after DGM leaves, a day trip, or cooking a sumptious meal for yourself and DGM, or playing suduku online. Anything that works for you, and will get you through the next couple of days.

We're all here to hold your hand too.

Oh bless you what a fucking twat he is!

Op just found this after being on the other thread, just want to say you are doing bloody amazing and are a shining example to your DD! I'm cheering you on, it's hard but god you're going about this in a dignified, respectful manner and I can't say I'd be the same coz I'm so hot-headed but it's the right way to be! Thinking of you x

i can't believe his attitude.

World, I know it's hard, but i really think you need to knock the notes, texts to songs, poems etc on the head - he is unmovable and you are visibly spending your emotion on him when he is apparently a black hole as far as empathy goes. get him out of your house, get the divorce moving, and grieve in private.

Shirty Valentine would be more apt

😂😂 at shirty Valentine!
OP I've been lurking since #1 thread - you're doing amazingly. Keep your head high.