i'll try to keep this short... me and dh were separated from late september to late december last year. we have one child, ds is 3 in june. when i first moved back in, as to be expected, things were really good, sex included.
but now, i'm back a bit over 2 months and things are slowly feeling like they did before i left (on the sex front.)
(i should also say, we are in marriage counselling for about 6 weeks now and last week was the first week we touched on the topic of sex.)
dh has always had a higher sex drive then myself. and especially after having ds, my sex drive took a nosedive. and now, ds often doesnt nap during the day (he is today though! luckily!), wakes at 5.30am and by the time he's in bed at 7 or 7.30pm, i am knackered. and by the time i'm in bed at/around 10-10.30, sex is the last thing on my mind. dh tells me 'i'm tired all the time anyway' and that he does things he doesn't want to. (which i dont like how that implied i should have sex when i dont want to.)
a mistake i made in the past was having sex when i didn't want to. and as a result, i ended up in a state of self-loathing. one i wont allow myself to get back to.
i suggested to dh last night after he told me he was sick of being turned down for sex that we should sit down and have an open talk about sex and things associated with it. he assumes i know he wants to have sex when he rolls over and puts his leg over me! to me, that isn't a come-on!!
(i'm secretly afraid of having this talk! but there is SO much dh does sexually that i don't like.. i know i am hurting both of us (even if not openly) by NOT talking about these issues.)
i'm sick of feeling like this is only ME. (dh made a comment last night that "other couples go to bed and have sex".) sigh. he doesnt realise how badly those comments hurt. (to save having a row, i kept quiet about it.)
i need to have a backbone about this and tell him that if he just needs to get off, to go into the study, close the door and do this own thing. i'll leave him alone and not say a word about it afterwards. (porn used to be a very touchy subject for us, its not been brought up since we've reconciled.)
i guess i just needed to get this off my chest, it feels like its been suffocating me all morning. (sorry this was longer than i planned. thank you if you take the time to read it. or even skim it.)