What happened when you told the husband/ wife

[Molly333]

Following on from a recent thread in here what happened when those of you told the partner/ husband/wife of the person who was part of the 'affair' ?

I got her to tell him. She has since left work, they have moved area, and she isn't all over social media any more.

In my situation i was the one who had an affair. My marriage was pretty much over and we had been living as strangers for a long time. OM and I decided that we would come clean as we both couldn't live a lie and wanted to be together (affair went on for 2 months). We agreed we would tell our spouses on the same day, but exdh and I ended up having a massive row the day before and i spilled the beans and came clean. (dh was actually relived i think as he saw an end to our marriage now). But he was angry initially and drove straight round to OM's house and told his wife. OM explained all that evening and left. Next day she turned up at my house banging in the door. My exh tried to get her to go away but she wanted to have it out with me so i came to the door to suck up the rant, only the rant wasn't a rant, she punched me twice and fractured my hand.

My exdh called the police and she was arrested and charged with assault and now has a criminal record and lost her job as a teaching assistant.

That was 6 years ago now. 'OM' and I are now happily married and exdh and i are good friends and co-parent well.

I cant blame her at all. Its a shame she lost her job but at least she lost her cheating husband as well so not all bad.

OM and I decided that we would come clean as we both couldn't live a lie

How very noble of you after fucking behind everyone's backs for 2 months .

Poor OW. Husband cheats, she's the one that loses her job and gets a criminal record. You sound quite smug about it aswell mrssapphirebright - lets hope he doesn't leave you the way he found you

Drbint bit harsh. Everyone's circumstances are different, and you can never say you would never do something similar.

Harsh indeed & not really contributing to thread.
I've never been in this scenario (on either side) but MNetters' ability to be judgemental constantly amazes me.

Well to be honest it does sound like mrssapphire is happy that the ex wife suffered. That's the attitude that grates me personally. It's OK that you were having sex with her husband but she reacts badly to it and she must suffer for all eternity?

It's a shame that the teaching assistant lost her job. I hope she has a new job and a decent bloke now.

mrssapphire you sound so smug you should of taken the hit instead of having her lose her job as if taking her husband wasn't enough!

MrsSapphire ignore the judgemental fuckwits thank you for your honesty and she deserved a criminal record for assault.

I think it goes to show that when people on here say not to confront the ow and point your anger in there way of your cheating partner is right.

You don't know what goes in in a marriage. I hate the automatic assumption that the " OW" is to blame.

Well to be honest it does sound like mrssapphire is happy that the ex wife suffered. That's the attitude that grates me personally.

^^ This.

It's more the attitude coming across as smug than the actual affair.

She is extremely smug in her post, she knew her OM had a wife she wasn't bothered in the slightest

I didn't pick up on the smugness. I thought you sounded pragmatic.

Affairs happen. They of course hurt like hell and break up families but they happen.

Not condoning the behaviour of having an affair as it is uttetly disgusting to me I think you should never allow it to get to that point but nobody knows the background.

IMO punching someone in twice and breaking their hand is extreme violence, its not a bit of a shove or a slap in a moment of anger which I think is still not good IMO but wouldn't leave lasting damage to actually break someone's hand that takes some doing, and they did deserve to be prosecuted.

I've never been in this scenario (on either side) but MNetters' ability to be judgemental constantly amazes me.

Completely agree with this. When kids are involved and finances are an issue, it's just not that easy for someone to decide they don't want to be with their OH any more and split up "honourably" as MN would have it. The constant "LTB" comments always amaze me as well - if you have kids, you really need a lot of money to be able to do that on a whim.

And also whilst samphire knew the OM had a wife, it was actually the OM who did the cheating on his wife not samphire. I agree it sounds pragmatic not smug.

Agreed. Also, you robbed this woman of being told by her own (D)H because you didn't stick to the plan!! Instead she had your ex show up and tell her and he probably didn't break the news gently.

penguins don't underestimate the mental and emotional suffering finding out your partner is having an affair can cause. People have suffered extreme depression and even committed suicide in situations like that.

Yes, physical violence is wrong. But affairs can be incredibly emotionally damaging and that is just as bad.

I don't know the person my husband had a ons with. I was pregnant when I found out, though, and definitely couldn't guarantee confronting them if I had been able to do that.

In fairness, I did you're the type of woman (or man), who would punch someone twice and break their hand, it's maybe not so surprising your partner might be tempted to look outside the relationship. That's serious assault!