What happened when you told the husband/ wife

[Molly333]

Following on from a recent thread in here what happened when those of you told the partner/ husband/wife of the person who was part of the 'affair' ?

I would also be unhappy that someone who could so lose control/be violent would be teaching my kids.
Lots of shit happens in everyone's lives & it can be very very hard to bear but mostly we don't resort to violence. Plus it was another example of blaming the OW rather than the husband

In a civilised society, we don't resolve wrongs by breaking people's bones. When our kids hit people and complain "she started it", what do we tell them? You can be a genuine victim but put yourself in the wrong through your reaction.

The OW's job loss was not a "punishment", it was necessary standard practice for a person who gets a conviction for assault or GBH while working with children. The reasons should be obvious. It wasn't an act of spite, but of child protection.

If you do decide you're justified to break someone's bones because they have done something highly hurtful to you, accept that the cost of it is a criminal conviction and whatever professional consequences come from that. And accept also that your victim's family might decide that since you really upset them, they would be justified in doing the same....

Molly shouldn't you have been shaking her hand as opposed to beating her up if she was taking this monster off your hands??

I think people make interesting and valid points here for and against telling the person and when using violence . The only point I would like to leave is that no one can ever really judge others until they are actually in the position themself . When they feel their hearts been ripped out and all you future plans for you and your children lost then maybe decide and judge x

I imagine a lot of posters on this thread are already coming from that position Molly

My personal view is don't do this because it can have worse consequences than a broken hand. A man in our town was stabbed to death along with the cheating wife when the husband of the wife was told about their affair.

I'm not sure what it achieves anyway. It just hurts someone else.

It isn't judging to point out that breaking someone's bones is a criminal act of GBH that carries known consequences, and that if it's all right for one person do it, it must be all right for anyone else.

sapphire completely shocked by your complete lack of remorse.
She loses her job ans probably the ability to get another one.
As long as you are ok though that's all that matters (shock)

She lost her job because she committed an act of GBH and we can't have people with convictions like that working with children. It's not personal. It's about protecting children and vulnerable people. Sapphire's actins and feelings about them aren't relevant. I don't want my daughter being cared for by someone with a conviction for breaking someone's hand. I don't care what the circumstances around it were. It doesn't mean the wife is evil, but it does mean she has broken the conditions of her employment and the school cannot take risks like that.

I don't understand why this is so hard for some people to accept.

I'm sure most of the posters wouldn't be so sympathetic if it was a man who broke a woman's hand. But a woman who has been cheated on can do whatever the hell she likes?? GBH is illegal, adultry isn't. Simple really.

I don't understand why this is so hard for some people to accept.

Posters are not idiots
Of course the poor women deserved to be sacked. What is sad is that if saphire had not fucked a married man and the husband had not cheated then the wife would not have been in a position where she lost everything. Also it was her gloating post that was sick.

I always hope the cheaters have shit lives and that they end up cheated on scumbags deserve it.

I had a previous relationship where I was cheated on and to be honest I didn't give two shits about the OW.
I weirdly felt nothing about her, I suspect because I didn't want my exP to have the satisfaction of two women fighting over him, he was not worth it no one who cheats is.
She had a husband who found out (not from me) and he dumped her, I heard she lost everything which was awful for her children and despite what she did I didn't wish that on her at all. As far as I know she and my exP never got together which is even sadder, it was all for nothing.

What is sad is that if saphire had not fucked a married man and the husband had not cheated then the wife would not have been in a position where she lost everything.

The job loss was not a consequence of the affair. It was a consequence of the wife punching Sapphire and breaking her hand. It's completely irrelevant whether Sapphire is an evil wicked sadistic hellqueen. You may not have a choice for your circumstances but you always have a choice in how you respond to them.

When a kid steals your child's pencil and your child goes to lamp them as a result, what do you tell them?

How would you judge a man who lashed out at his cheating wife?

I would have thought a punch or two was the cost of doing business.

Luckily for society, the law disagrees. It is never legal to go round to someone's house and assault them. Now if you were under extreme pressure, you might have mitigating conditions taken into account in your sentence (sounds like that happened here). But fortunately, the law does not allow us to break bones because we have been personally wronged.

PMT, I don't know to whom your question is addressed, but personally I'd say the same. It's assault, it's illegal, there are consequences.

Sheba it was not a pencil it was this poor womans life, what a stupid comparison

Yes the wife was punished for her actions and so she should be. However had the cheating shameful people not that too her then she would not have been driven to such violence.

It's a perfect comparison because it's the exact life lesson being taught. Namely, you don't have the right to use violence on someone just because they have wronged you. Do you want to live in a world where everyone can dispense violent punishments on anyone they like because they really really want to?

The wife was not responsible for being cheated on but she quite indisputably was responsible for punching Sapphire. That was her choice, her action and those are the consequences. It was illegal for a reason. I don't think I need to tell you what sort of other people justify their violence with "you made me do it"....

It is indeed not the law, thank God. And as upholders of the law, the CPS has a duty not to overlook clear cases of assault and GBH.

Sheba it does not matter what stupid comparisons you make. I still feel for the wife and nothing you say will change that.

Sapphire and her prize bloke deserve each other. Their actions contributed to this womens loss of control. Morally they are the cause legally the wife was rightfully punished.

Bubblegum, I don't care who you feel for. I'm not trying to change your sympathies. I'm trying, unsuccessfully, to explain to you why the law is right to hold the wife responsible for her act of assault and why it is that assault, and not the affair, that led to her job loss.

I never disagreed with the law
And i dont need it explaining to me thank you very much.
Christ you think quite highly of yourself dont you, educating the stupid little people

I think you do need it, because you're still talking about the wife being "driven" to it and how it's not wholly her fault. The law states, rightly, that it really is entirely her fault that she punched Sapphire, and that's why she got the conviction and not the couple who had the affair. Though she would have had any mitigating circumstances taken into account in her sentence. That's right too. And it's more than she allowed when she decided to carry out her own sentence on Sapphire.

I don't think I can say it any more plainly. You don't have to like it but it's all factually accurate. If you think it's wrong, by all means lobby your MP to campaign for affair partners to share the assault conviction when a wronged wife breaks the OW's hand.