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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H asking my friend out for drink whilst I was on holiday

149 replies

Findmuck · 11/05/2016 20:23

Just returned from holiday with friends. H doesn't like to go away due to work commitments and elderly parents.

I have an attractive, single, extremely funny friend who lives in the same village. Due to busy lives we only catch up for a drink about 3-4 times a year. My H sometimes bumps into her whilst at local shops etc. They spark off each other & make each other laugh. I know nothing has gone on but must admit I was slightly put out that she relayed stories he'd told her but not shared with me.

It was her birthday while I was away so I asked if he'd post a card through her door. He called with her card & he'd also bought her wine. She invited him in & he told me he gave her his number & invited her for a drink & watch football in pub the following week. She didn't call him. I'm left feeling a bit Confused as we have been through a bad patch & he is supposed to be making an effort with me after 18 months of being preoccupied with work. I know he wouldn't like me going out with a male friend of his while he was away. I'm puzzled by his behaviour. I'm I being over sensitive ?

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 11/05/2016 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 11/05/2016 20:26

Maybe he was just lonely and fancied some company as you were away??

KinkyAfro · 11/05/2016 20:27

Have you asked your friend why she didn't take him up on his offer?

notapizzaeater · 11/05/2016 20:28

Not sure how I'd react, has he form for flirting ?

Did he tell you all what he did or your friend ?

FuzzyOwl · 11/05/2016 20:28

I agree that she found it inappropriate and was probably quite embarrassed by it.

hownottofuckup · 11/05/2016 20:29

I wonder if he'd have told you if she had called

Nanny0gg · 11/05/2016 20:30

I'm I being over sensitive ?

No. Inappropriate. I could understand if he went out with you and her together regularly and then saw her on her own when you were away. But that's not what happened.

AnyFucker · 11/05/2016 20:30

Ugh

kickassangel · 11/05/2016 20:30

Does he buy all your friends wine? Tell them anecdotes he doesn't share with you? Invite them out for the evening?

Or just the single attractive friend?

If he's like this with everyone, and is Mr Sociable, no problem. If it's just her - tell him exactly how you feel. If he cares for you at all he will care for your feelings on this.

Original poster
Findmuck · 11/05/2016 20:31

I know she would have found it inappropriate . I don't think he was lonely as he is friendly with our neighbours and chats to them. He was also working from home ( he normally works away during the week) and was very busy work wise. Just very puzzled by his behaviour when he's acknowledged he's neglected our marriage over recent months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Findmuck · 11/05/2016 20:36

Sometimes I think he's playing with my mind or is he really so insensitive ? He wouldn't take wine or share stories with any of my other friends. I like the fact he 'gets' my friend and finds her as funny as I do but asking her for a drink....Hmm

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/05/2016 20:40

He's sniffing around her and is probably one of those men who thinks a woman on her own would be desperate for some "male company"

It's quite obvious. I would be lose all respect for him. What a fucking cliché.

2ManySweets · 11/05/2016 20:40

How would he like it if the situation we're in reverse?

If my DP did that to me I would hit the fucking roof.

princessmi12 · 11/05/2016 20:42

Just have a chat with him ,explain how you feel and why everyone finds it inappropriate. Ask him not to do things like that again and forget about it . life's too short..
Don't think you should be worried !

Mlb123 · 11/05/2016 20:43

Its inappropriate. From all you have said and him buying her wine and dropping it in to her I would suspect he fancies her and was testing the waters to see if she might be up for some 'fun'. It doesn't seem right to me and also the offering to go for a drink while you are away, just seems wrong. Thats my take on the situation and even though he told you about it, that could be to make it seem innocent enough, so I would think it best to see if anything happens with regard to your husband contacting or attempting to spend time with this friend. I am the suspicious type these days mind, due to similar things happening like this and there was ALWAYS something in it even if it was just that a bf fancied a friend and couldn't help making it obvious, which I found hurtful and disrespectful. You may be more secure than I am.

AnyFucker · 11/05/2016 20:44

Quite the man pleaser, aren't you Princess?

AnyFucker · 11/05/2016 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ZenNudist · 11/05/2016 20:48

I font think you're unreasonable to feel this way. The fact he told you everything smacks of 'hiding in plain sight', perhaps he genuinely thinks he was innocent but if it's an isolated incident of sociable behaviour towards a specific attractive single friend then you're right to be worried.

I'd try and get him to open up to what he was thinking. Try big to shout at him. Perhaps if he acknowledges he's looking outside the marriage you can move past it and start to address what is big working.

ZenNudist · 11/05/2016 20:49

^not working 😳

Original poster
Findmuck · 11/05/2016 20:51

No I'm not a man pleaser just trying to work out if I'm being clingy/possessive or is it him acting out of order. Judging from the answers he was being inappropriate. I was speechless when he dropped it into the conversation. I didn't say anything my first evening back but addressed it the next day saying I wasn't happy about it. I find it very weird but I know I can be over sensitive

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/05/2016 20:53

I was addressing Princess as a man pleaser. She is the one who said you had nothing to worry about when the rest of the respondents, including you op, are quite aware that you do

AnyFucker · 11/05/2016 20:55

Who said you are "over sensitive" ?

Was that him after the last incident of dodgy behaviour ?

Original poster
Findmuck · 11/05/2016 20:55

I've posted on here about other issues but I've name changed. He was overly close ( in my opinion ) to female work colleagues leaving favourite sweets on desk etc. He's very sociable and is quite charismatic so I wonder if I'm just being a misery as I'm an introvert. I'm getting fed up of pulling him up on things, makes me feel needy when I'm not

OP posts:
RosaRosaRose · 11/05/2016 20:55

No, you're not being over sensitive. He is sniffing round her. He took wine - possibly hoping to be invited in for a cosy share. Inappropriate. Drop off the card as requested. Job done. Not sure what path you take from here.

2ManySweets · 11/05/2016 20:56

I absolutely swear that most people ought to trust their gut.

It's very very easy to feel it, then put it down to an overactive imagination.

To me, gut reaction is the "true" reaction. Being over sensitive is usually a process.

Does that make sense OP?

Ps: I was a bit of a drama llama/oversensitive flower up to a few years ago but my gut reaction/feeling has never let me down yet. Trust your instincts x

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