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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Suspect husband cheating with work colleague

110 replies

MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 05:49

I have suspected for a while now that dh has been having an emotional or even actual affair with someone from work. There have been various texts and things that I've seen that have made me come to this conclusion

I've confronted him about it and he denies it and plays it down.

Tonight he has been out on a work night out and sent her a message saying 'gutted......again!!!! But those are ur terms' know this in itself could relate to anything but coupled with others texts it just seems well not good.

I know it's very early/late but if anyone is out there what do u think?

TIA x

OP posts:
Whoknewitcouldbeso · 23/01/2016 05:58

How do you know what he has been texting his work colleague? I assume you have looked at his phone and he hasn't been deleting?

I think the content does sound damning. If I was going to read between the lines it sounds as though she might have turned him down saying he was married but she'd be interested if he was single. But I'm only surmising that from one text so I'm hoping I wrong obviously.

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 06:04

Thanks for replying whoknew. Yes I have looked at his phone always have done but not in a jealousy way initially we have always used each other's phones openly.

That's exactly how I took it apart from apparently (and I say this only because of what dh tells me!) she has already slept with other colleagues who are married and have kids too so why would she be bothered now.

I'm trying my hardest not to wake him up and confront him but part of me wants to wait and see what she comes back with.

OP posts:
CreepingDogFart · 23/01/2016 06:28

Don't wake him. He doesn't know that you have access to his phone. The second you tell him all your evidence has gone.

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 06:34

Do u think I should just wait and see if she comes back to him?At least then I might get an idea of what is going on. I just want to know can't stand all of this. Plus I have two little ones that I am going to have to put a brave face on for today

OP posts:
Borninthe60s · 23/01/2016 06:34

I would think she's turned his advances down that's why he's gutted. Whether he's shagged her or not he's having an affair in my book. LTB!

maybebabybee · 23/01/2016 06:41

Havent you posted about this before?

If you don't trust him you don't trust him. That in itself shows you things aren't right.

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 06:41

Ur right borninthe60s I just need to know the truth of what's gone on so that I can make a decision on what I'm going to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 06:43

No I have never posted about this before. This is the first time I have mentioned it to anyone maybebabybee

OP posts:
PitPatKitKat · 23/01/2016 06:51

Oh lord, sorry to hear that Flowers

It does sound bad.

Luc28 · 23/01/2016 06:55

I really feel for you it must be such a heart wrenching position. First of all think what would you do if the answer is yes?!? Either wait until morning and sit him down for reasoning or confront the woman herself. Maybe even a blank text of his phone or just a hi I'm awake can't sleep text and see the response. It's such an awful position for you to be in ... I can't say I'd be the calmest or most rational but try to stay calm as it may be totally innocent ... Really hope it is xx

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 06:55

I feel sick to my stomach pitpat and it's taking every bit of strength I have to not confront him (yet!!)

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 23/01/2016 06:58

Do you have any DC? How long have you been together? Ever had any suspicions before this colleague?

It does look bad from the outside.

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 06:59

Luc28 I honestly don't know what I will do if anything actually has gone on between them but even just the texts I've seen previously and now this one has crossed a line in my eyes. A line I would never cross. I would love to confront her but I don't want to make things awkward at work for dh if nothing has happened.

I'm going to TRY and stay calm and see how the day unfolds but I know I can't keep my mouth shut for too long

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 07:00

Yes maybebabybee we have 2dcs been together since school (going on 13yrs now) and no never really suspected anything before. It's only been in the last 12-18 months (since I had ds) that I've noticed a change in him

OP posts:
Cocacolaandchocolate · 23/01/2016 07:07

Op, keep calm (I know it's hard) and see if he gets a reply to that message.

If you start shouting you may lose access to his phone etc... Then you may never find out the truth.

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 07:10

Ur right cocacola. Normally I am a very calm and collected person but things like this I get very fiery about. I need to know what's actually happening so will try and sort myself out before everyone wakes up

OP posts:
ChalkHearts · 23/01/2016 07:16

What were the prev texts that made you suspicious?

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 07:19

Things such as calling her sweet cheeks on otherwise normal texts one where she said how they had a terrible time getting home from a business trip that dh told me she wasn't on things like that

OP posts:
SharkSkinThing · 23/01/2016 07:20

I think others are right; hold fire until you are 100% sure of the situation. Then you'll know what to do.

Big hug.

Katenka · 23/01/2016 07:22

I am not usually a suspicious person and usually advocate being upfront.

But you have tried that and it hasn't worked.

I wouldn't confront him straight away. He will be more careful with his phone if you do.

Has she replied at all?

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 07:26

Thanks sharkskin for the hug - I need it

OP posts:
Kelsoooo · 23/01/2016 07:28

Sorry what?

You've all interpreted "gutted...again!!" to mean he's having an affair.
It could mean he lost at pool again, or the beer was flat again, or the boss kept her back late again....

Talk about fitting the evidence to the verdict.

NashvilleQueen · 23/01/2016 07:31

Take a photo of it on your phone before he can delete it. I too think it sounds suspicious but I suppose there could be an explanation. Keep the evidence for now.

Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 07:31

Katenka she hasn't replied so far so I have put his phone back next to him (he's asleep on the settee downstairs) so I will try and see if she replies later and the. Go from there.

When I confronted him I even did the whole I could understand if he did do anything me boring old wife of 13yrs two kids who don't sleep put the relationship on hold to see to the kids etc etc and she is exciting and new no kids no commitment blah blah blah just to get him to tell me and still nothing. But I am totally convinced that something has gone on after this text or they have at least talked about something happening which to me is just as bad. I won't be somebodies fall back girl or play second best

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsP23 · 23/01/2016 07:33

Kelsooo if u had bothered to read the whole post there are other contributing factors and I have said that I am not saying anything to him In case it is innocent

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