Suspect husband cheating with work colleague

[MrsP23]

I have suspected for a while now that dh has been having an emotional or even actual affair with someone from work. There have been various texts and things that I've seen that have made me come to this conclusion

I've confronted him about it and he denies it and plays it down.

Tonight he has been out on a work night out and sent her a message saying 'gutted......again!!!! But those are ur terms' know this in itself could relate to anything but coupled with others texts it just seems well not good.

I know it's very early/late but if anyone is out there what do u think?

TIA x

I never ever checked my stbxhs phones, etc. Never has a reason too, I trusted him and never questioned it. However when your gut feeling is that something is wrong and you feel as though you are losing your marbles but cannot say why that is when I said fxxk it and checked his phone - once - that is all I needed. So let's stop this moralistic MN attitude of not checking your partners phone as it is an invasion of privacy. Sod that when the man you love is breaking your marriage vows who cares about privacy. Too late I say by then.

Well done Op you are doing well. You need to think about what you want from your life.

Hi pitpat I've been ok. I'm actually surprised at how calm I've been but I think it's been the help and support from you lovely ladies. I had a quick look in the phone and the cheeky b£&@?!d has deleted the whole thing so pleased that I took a pic of it.

Yeah speaking to her is a waste of time really. I don't know her I don't want to know her and I know I will loose my cool and make a fool of myself. Dh can get the whole whack instead

Thank u for being so kind today x x

Thank u Dutch. Yes hopefully tomorrow is better x x

Thanks itsbetternow. In RL I am a very easy going person but ur right when u think someone is taking u for a fool then all rules go out the window.

I am taking this time of calm before the storm to do just that. I have to remember it's not just me it my two kids too x x

The fact that he has deleted it speaks volumes.

You are being amazing. I think I would be a wreck. Or a rage monster.

You are doing the right thing by biding your time.

Thanks katenka. That's exactly what I've thought he's seen it and thought oh s£&t I best get rid of that!

When I've Seen stuff before on his phone honestly I've gone crazy but I think this time it's different so I'm TRyING to be strong x x

Ah, glad to hear you've felt calm! That's very impressive under the circumstances.

Deletion is very iffy. Well done for capturing image and also for keeping your cards close to your chest. You are absolutely right that you and your two kids are the most important thing now.

Time for yet? Or another round of and ?

in either case.

De-lurking to say my bit
Please think carefully about all the little niggly things that have led u to checking his phone, maybe write them down some where,
I had feelings like this about my dh 2 yrs ago, something just wasn't right, so I looked at his phone, found @friendly" messages to a female colleague that he rarely mentioned & calls too, found selfies of himself that he'd never sent me, but never anything concrete that I could "prove",
His behaviour changed, long work hours, tired or irritable at home,
The more I looked into it all, the more suspicious I got, the more suspicious I got, the more distant I got, etc etc

One day I just figured I was so lonely/unhappy sneaking around looking for concrete proof, I may as well just ask outright. If it caused a row & he left, I felt u would be no worse off..

So one morning, we took kids to school, and when we got back home & he was just about to leave I just caught him completely off guard by calmly asking "what's going on with #*%# ?"
He looked shocked, half laughed & asked what I meant,
I said I had no questions to answer, that he should start talking,
He broke down in tears & confessed all.

I was so angry when I realised that it had been going on for the same amount of time that I had been suspicious for,
And whilst my anger at him was massive, I was so angry, frustrated etc with myself that I hadn't trusted my gut,
I did know him after 13 yrs and my gut had been right, I just wasted time looking for evidence that was being hidden/deleted.

We are still together, & doing well,
Still have the odd wobble with myself, but he does everything he can now to show me he is a safe partner again,
He sobbed when he realised I had known all along, & that the more suspicious I got, the more I pushed away, so the more he turned to her..

Sorry, this turned into an epic post.!!

I wish you well,
Please trust your self, you know if things don't seem right,
XxxxX

Deleting the message would worry me. Does he usually delete people's messages?

Sorry I didn't reply last night had a couple of 🍷🍷 and crashed out.

Lostmummy do u trust ur dh now would u say?now that everything has been out in the open?i think that's our problem dh doesn't talk. Sure we talk about stuff like we need to get some food shopping lets go ot to dinner next week but he doesn't talk about real things and I think that's maybe where the problem lies

Rainbow he never deletes stuff he is a hoarder by nature so has messages emails that are years old so I know by deleting it he has something to hide

Pitpat the cake is staring at me already from the fridge 😁😁 x

Looking back, that's exactly where my problem stemmed from with my ex. Lack of communication about how we felt. We talked about 'other' things etc. I always felt resentful and felt he was selfish. He always left everything for me to do... If the kids woke up early, he'd roll over in bed...and that would be his way of saying... You get up and deal with them. Everything was on his terms etc. I worked part time, he worked full time. Steadily, I became single mum doing everything on my own....we were more and more distant...and no doubt, that left him plenty of leverage to look else where. The sickening thing was, we were still going through the motions of a normal married relationship, and I was oblivious as to what he was exposing my health to.

Of course, when I discovered the texts, he denied it...and made out I'd misinterpreted them etc. Then I discovered emails of travel lodge enquiries etc... That's when I got a private detective, ( when you're up against a DI, you need a private detective on your side 😉 ) and uncovered another life.

No amount of talking it through would have patched up that one.

Wish I had cake! 🍰... Just started on the ☕️ X

That sounds very familiar Dutch. Your going through the motions but there's no emotion there. I wonder if I can try and open up the communication lines with dh that he may be more inclined to tell what's going on (I doubt it but maybe worth a try ) x

Anything is worth a try, to nip what could potentially be something or nothing in the bud. when was the last time that you both went out as a couple? I know it's hard when you have children, and more often than not you're too tired to go anywhere etc. Perhaps that might help?

Does your husband travel a lot with his work? Potentially is he with this work colleague quite a bit? That's something you're going to have to address somehow? That's the problem I had with my ex....shift work etc. And now, the woman he's run off with, she had no morals and was always there in the back ground paying him the attention and stroking his ego!

We have just recently started going out through the day every other Saturday which has helped as he gets to see the 'old prechildren person' who can have fun.

Yes unfortunately he does travel quite a bit with this woman as they are on the same team which I think was the reason I started to get a bit iffy as her name started cropping up more and more. She split up with her husband about 6months ago and since then has shall we say worked her way through the team but now she is apparently trying to get her husband back

Is there any way that you can befriend her? Suggest to your husband that you invite her round for a coffee... Or that you both go out as couples? Watch his reaction to that.... Always try and keep your enemies close 😉

Where I suspected my husband was astray, I befriended most of the police force... Now, the majority of them have remained friends with me, and are on my side, after the appalling way I've been treated .

I'm not I'm strong enough to do that cos as soon as I saw her I would want to rip her head off 😊😊😊😊 x

That's how I feel towards my ex's new wife... But she's old bill... So no chance of getting away with that one 😉....hope you've had a better day today? I've been thinking about you ever since I read this thread.

No I think u might get in trouble for that one!😂

Yeah I'm much better today I'm feeling strong. Gonna give it this week and if I don't find out anything else in going to confront him. He knows there's something up as I've been a tad frosty with him

Thank u so much for ur help and support through this Dutch x x

MrsP23... You go girl. Frosty is the best course of action.... Keep an eye on his phone....check his location on his iPhone....and delete the history where you have checked. The quiet withdrawn motive usual works. Make him feel nervous and on edge, and keen to please you...

Keep checking his phone on an evening, and hide your time. Play it to your advantage.

Yes, you're right.... I'd get into trouble with that one 😉 X

Mrs P23, well done on your calm and reserve, i think you have handled this well, hope you get to the bottom of things soon x

Hello MrsP23 well done on getting through that weekend xxx

My calm and reserve is very quickly going out the window today mainly cos dh is back at work plus she answered dhs work phone and had the cheek to ask how me and the kids were!😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Oh god I sound crazy especially when I don't even know if something has happened

Wtf?

You did really well, not to say anything.

I think I would have. 'Why are you answering my husbands phone?'

Or 'better if you were shagging dh'

Totally not the right thing to do. It must be so hard knowing he is at work with her. But stay strong.

Exactly wtf indeed. It took everything I had to not say why are u so bothered about me and my kids especially considering what ur doing with my dh.

It's much harder today knowing he's there but he has to work although he did tell me last night that he has applied for some jobs away from his current place so I'm a little confused by that. Does he want a new job or does he just want to distance himself from her?!?!?

Ohh that's a difficult one.

Personally if an man is having an affair or an emotional affair with a colleague, my advice would be that he needs a new job if he wants to make it a go of his marriage.

There was a thread here from a man recently where I saw the same advice given out by many mners.

Maybe he knows he needs to put a stop to this.

It's strange behaviour for a man in the middle of an affair. To create more distance between him and OW.

But I would imagine if there was nothing going on and him leaving was coincidence, I am sure you would have had a good idea he was thinking of leaving.

The out of the blue-ness of this is very odd.