Suspect husband cheating with work colleague

[MrsP23]

I have suspected for a while now that dh has been having an emotional or even actual affair with someone from work. There have been various texts and things that I've seen that have made me come to this conclusion

I've confronted him about it and he denies it and plays it down.

Tonight he has been out on a work night out and sent her a message saying 'gutted......again!!!! But those are ur terms' know this in itself could relate to anything but coupled with others texts it just seems well not good.

I know it's very early/late but if anyone is out there what do u think?

TIA x

[SerialSongSpoiler]

Another zombie thread. What is going on with all of these?

[Dutch72]

Typo error... You're not too sure of her..

[Dutch72]

That might be a positive thing? He probably wants to distance himself from her...

Good for you that you managed to keep your cool. Well done!

But it's that awful nagging feeling, that you're not too sure ofnjer. By phoning up his work, I think that was a good positive step. You're making your stand, and letting her subtly know that you're his wife!

This could be you're opener with your Husband, to ask why he wants to move within his job? Why the sudden change of direction? Watch his reaction.

[PitPatKitKat]

What a start to the day that was then!


You're right, any comeback to that text will be a chat at work, so no use waiting for a reply before broaching the subject. Agree with ToyStory, best sidle up to it and see what comes out.

Take care xx

[MrsP23]

Yeah I think ur right to start from there the last thing I want is for him to shut off completely

[Toystory4]

He will most likely just deny it though and take you back to square one.

It's worth a go though. Might be better talking about your relationship in general to start things off and then get round to this subject. If you come straight out with it then he will no doubt get all defensive.

[MrsP23]

To be honest yes he is toy story as I've seen messages before to her. I honestly do not think that anything physical has happened but I do think the want is there like u say when u meet at school and stay together all that time I suppose for some there is going to be a bit of wonderment

I want to see if anything else comes of this most recent text although I'm sure they will just talk about it at work to be fair and if not I will confront him about the text I can't go on indefinitely not knowing whether something is going on.

[Toystory4]

I know it's hard to stay rational in these situations but currently you don't really have a lot to go on.

He would he extremely stupid to messaging personal stuff to someone on his phone knowing you have access to it. Is he a bit stupid when it comes to things like this.

What's your plan this week? Are you waiting for something to happen that might incriminate him? What of it doesn't come and you can't shake the suspicion?

It does sound from what you are saying that your relationship is in a bit of a rut and when you meet at school there is always that "what would it be like with someone else" feeling that some but not all will get.

[MrsP23]

It is very strange isn't it. Part of me was pleased because he is making some distance between them but then part of me thought is he only leaving because she doesn't want to know or things are on 'her terms' so he's decided he's had enough.

[Katenka]

Ohh that's a difficult one.

Personally if an man is having an affair or an emotional affair with a colleague, my advice would be that he needs a new job if he wants to make it a go of his marriage.

There was a thread here from a man recently where I saw the same advice given out by many mners.

Maybe he knows he needs to put a stop to this.

It's strange behaviour for a man in the middle of an affair. To create more distance between him and OW.

But I would imagine if there was nothing going on and him leaving was coincidence, I am sure you would have had a good idea he was thinking of leaving.

The out of the blue-ness of this is very odd.

[MrsP23]

Exactly wtf indeed. It took everything I had to not say why are u so bothered about me and my kids especially considering what ur doing with my dh.

It's much harder today knowing he's there but he has to work although he did tell me last night that he has applied for some jobs away from his current place so I'm a little confused by that. Does he want a new job or does he just want to distance himself from her?!?!?

[Katenka]

Wtf?

You did really well, not to say anything.

I think I would have. 'Why are you answering my husbands phone?'

Or 'better if you were shagging dh'

Totally not the right thing to do. It must be so hard knowing he is at work with her. But stay strong.

[MrsP23]

My calm and reserve is very quickly going out the window today mainly cos dh is back at work plus she answered dhs work phone and had the cheek to ask how me and the kids were!😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Oh god I sound crazy especially when I don't even know if something has happened

[PitPatKitKat]

Hello MrsP23 well done on getting through that weekend xxx

[SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals]

Mrs P23, well done on your calm and reserve, i think you have handled this well, hope you get to the bottom of things soon x

[Dutch72]

MrsP23... You go girl. Frosty is the best course of action.... Keep an eye on his phone....check his location on his iPhone....and delete the history where you have checked. The quiet withdrawn motive usual works. Make him feel nervous and on edge, and keen to please you...

Keep checking his phone on an evening, and hide your time. Play it to your advantage.

Yes, you're right.... I'd get into trouble with that one 😉 X

[MrsP23]

No I think u might get in trouble for that one!😂

Yeah I'm much better today I'm feeling strong. Gonna give it this week and if I don't find out anything else in going to confront him. He knows there's something up as I've been a tad frosty with him

Thank u so much for ur help and support through this Dutch x x

[Dutch72]

That's how I feel towards my ex's new wife... But she's old bill... So no chance of getting away with that one 😉....hope you've had a better day today? I've been thinking about you ever since I read this thread.

[MrsP23]

I'm not I'm strong enough to do that cos as soon as I saw her I would want to rip her head off 😊😊😊😊 x

[Dutch72]

Is there any way that you can befriend her? Suggest to your husband that you invite her round for a coffee... Or that you both go out as couples? Watch his reaction to that.... Always try and keep your enemies close 😉

Where I suspected my husband was astray, I befriended most of the police force... Now, the majority of them have remained friends with me, and are on my side, after the appalling way I've been treated .

[MrsP23]

We have just recently started going out through the day every other Saturday which has helped as he gets to see the 'old prechildren person' who can have fun.

Yes unfortunately he does travel quite a bit with this woman as they are on the same team which I think was the reason I started to get a bit iffy as her name started cropping up more and more. She split up with her husband about 6months ago and since then has shall we say worked her way through the team but now she is apparently trying to get her husband back

[Dutch72]

Anything is worth a try, to nip what could potentially be something or nothing in the bud. when was the last time that you both went out as a couple? I know it's hard when you have children, and more often than not you're too tired to go anywhere etc. Perhaps that might help?

Does your husband travel a lot with his work? Potentially is he with this work colleague quite a bit? That's something you're going to have to address somehow? That's the problem I had with my ex....shift work etc. And now, the woman he's run off with, she had no morals and was always there in the back ground paying him the attention and stroking his ego!

[MrsP23]

That sounds very familiar Dutch. Your going through the motions but there's no emotion there. I wonder if I can try and open up the communication lines with dh that he may be more inclined to tell what's going on (I doubt it but maybe worth a try ) x

[Dutch72]

Looking back, that's exactly where my problem stemmed from with my ex. Lack of communication about how we felt. We talked about 'other' things etc. I always felt resentful and felt he was selfish. He always left everything for me to do... If the kids woke up early, he'd roll over in bed...and that would be his way of saying... You get up and deal with them. Everything was on his terms etc. I worked part time, he worked full time. Steadily, I became single mum doing everything on my own....we were more and more distant...and no doubt, that left him plenty of leverage to look else where. The sickening thing was, we were still going through the motions of a normal married relationship, and I was oblivious as to what he was exposing my health to.

Of course, when I discovered the texts, he denied it...and made out I'd misinterpreted them etc. Then I discovered emails of travel lodge enquiries etc... That's when I got a private detective, ( when you're up against a DI, you need a private detective on your side 😉 ) and uncovered another life.

No amount of talking it through would have patched up that one.

Wish I had cake! 🍰... Just started on the ☕️ X