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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

devastated and can't cope

131 replies

Mypubesarestraight · 11/01/2016 19:55

My dp left me yesterday after 18 years and 3 Dc together.

He did all this while I was in work. I came home to 3 upset children and I just can't cope.

He said he needs a few weeks to think about what he wants and if he still wants to be with me.

I have removed my Facebook so I can't see any posts or pictures that his friends will post (twats) and I've deleted his number.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 11/01/2016 20:16

I'm so sorry, that must have been horribly shocking. How old are your DC? what is the housing situation - do you own the house jointly, or rent? do you know where he has gone?

HandyWoman · 11/01/2016 20:22

What will his friends post? After 18 years?

What a shock.

I'm so sorry Thanks

Bluetrews25 · 11/01/2016 20:29

Bear in mind that you have a choice, too - do you want him back, after he has done this to you? It's not all his call, please remember that.

Original poster
Mypubesarestraight · 11/01/2016 21:10

We've not been getting on lately. He refuses to work, he's always at the gym or out with friends.

He stayed out all night in Saturday night and I lost the plot.

My dc are 14,13 and 9.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mypubesarestraight · 11/01/2016 21:14

One of his friends is a sly bastard. He's the sort that will post pictures of them all having fun to wind me up.

Dp doesn't have Facebook or any other social media.

OP posts:
whatdoIget · 11/01/2016 21:15

How does he afford the gym and going out if he doesn't work?

Original poster
Mypubesarestraight · 11/01/2016 21:18

He owns a small business but pays other people to do it.

OP posts:
justkeeponsmiling · 11/01/2016 21:23

Your DP left you after 18 years together, left your DCs at home distressed and just walked out and the main point you mention is that you deleted FB and deleted his number? Wow, if that summs up your relationship I guess you are well shot of him.

Original poster
Mypubesarestraight · 11/01/2016 22:05

I didn't know what else to write. I have been in a mess since yesterday when I home from work.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 11/01/2016 22:11

Sounds as if he's no great loss.
My DH left me after 18 years and 4 dc. It was tough at first but life is much better without him in it!
Call in your mates, get your finances in order and start the rest of your life.

AnyFucker · 11/01/2016 22:12

I expect him and his tosser mate are playing Wing Men for each other

How classy

AnyFucker · 11/01/2016 22:19

Have you got some support in RL, love ?

Original poster
Mypubesarestraight · 11/01/2016 22:19

My children are heartbroken. It's like he had just decided he doesn't want s family anymore.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/01/2016 22:20

What a twat.

justkeeponsmiling · 11/01/2016 22:23

In that case fuck him and his mates. For him to just walk out on you all like that he must be a selfish dickhead. So sorry for you and your kids.
Is there anyone you can talk to irl?

Kewcumber · 11/01/2016 22:24

I'm so sorry OP. My father did this when I was an adult after 35 years of marriage.

Exactly what you describe, left whilst my mum was in work, didn;t tell her he was going, opted out of being a father at all. It has taken 15 years for me to stomach seeing him and he's really never apologised to one thing he did.

You're probably in shock at the moent but it will get better. 15 year on, My mum who was catatonic with shock when he left, is genuinely glad she isn;t having to live with him now.

Getit · 11/01/2016 22:31

I'm sorry he has treated you like this
What a twat
Feck him
Better off rid of him

Original poster
Mypubesarestraight · 11/01/2016 22:50

My family and friends are being brilliant.
It's like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

I know he's no good for me or the dc but I still love him. Does it get any easier?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/01/2016 23:05

it has to get better than this, right ?

you will be ok for your kids, you have no choice Thanks

FreckledLeopard · 11/01/2016 23:09

I'm so sorry Thanks.

Are there people who can be around you and offer support?

I can't offer much advice (my DP moved out in December and I'm pretty devastated) other than to take things second by second. Don't try and think about the future or anything further than making it through each tiny period of time.

eloquent · 11/01/2016 23:13

I'm not normally one for screaming to LTB but jesus.

You're better off shot of him.

I hope you're as okay as you can be. Glad you have friends and family around you.

You'll get through this.

smallfry16 · 11/01/2016 23:18

My father did this. Moved furniture out in front of us four children whilst mum was at work. Never saw him again. Life was much much better without him. No stress no walking on egg shells.
Gather your support around you and please do not take him back.

IamlovedbyG · 11/01/2016 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ledkr · 11/01/2016 23:20

Your kids will eventually benefit from you being happier and not having a childish dad and an unhappy mum.
Stay on here and chat to others who understand how it is.
Keep busy if you can and make some plans for a few nice things to look forward to.
You showed great strength and insight blocking the twatty mates.
Thinking of you x

hesterton · 11/01/2016 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.