devastated and can't cope

[Mypubesarestraight]

My dp left me yesterday after 18 years and 3 Dc together.

He did all this while I was in work. I came home to 3 upset children and I just can't cope.

He said he needs a few weeks to think about what he wants and if he still wants to be with me.

I have removed my Facebook so I can't see any posts or pictures that his friends will post (twats) and I've deleted his number.

I don't know what to do.

He's bought a motorbike!

Oh Jesus... a walking cliché!
So sorry you are going through this OP. It hurts, it's horrible and it will keep hurting for a while. Then you will get angry and eventually you will find it has stopped bothering you.
You need to take a bit of time to decide if you still want to be with him. You need to try and put the hurt on one side and look at what benefits there are to being with him. Are they outweighed by his behaviour.
He's been utterly selfish by leaving his children and very childish by doing it in a way that leaves them hurt and angry. He has broken his trust with you and made the life you have built for yourselves seem cheap.
You need to get angry. It will come. It might take a bit of time but when you get angry you need to stay rational and think it through again. Once you have made a decision stick to it and know that YOU WILL BE OK and so will your beautiful kids.

He wants a younger model because he thinks it will renew his own youth. I am sorry to say love, I reckon he has already been dabbling.

Let him go. He isn't worth your time.

He's definitely not cheated. I believe that 100%

I didn't know I could feel pain like this. I'm broken.

My 9 year old is blaming me and refusing to speak to me.
My 13 year old is angry and crying all of the time.
My 14 year old just keeps hugging me.

If he hasn't already, he intends to

I am sorry, I don't want to upset. But you do need to prepare yourself for this

Men don't act in this manner unless they are led by their dick

upset you

Please, just in case he's been cheating and not being too picky where he's been, think about having an STI check up, just in case.

I hope to goodness that he hasn't picked anything up and passed it on to you, but if he thinks he's Mr Invincible and he has cheated, then it would be better to find out sooner rather than later.

In a couple of weeks you will feel much stronger, see this time as an illness you need to go through.
Eat to nourish yourself and so you can sleep.
Being left like this has been likened to experiencing a huge trauma and can cause post traumatic stress disorder, it's not surprising you feel so awful but hold on to the fact that its temporary.

Hug your children.
Tell them you love them. Again and again and again.
Tell them that you love them once more for luck
Eat something. Have you eaten yet?
Be kind to yourself.
And cry with your mum

Your DC's will move through all sorts of emotions as they try to understand their Dads behaviour. And on top of all your emotions I am afraid to say that you will most likely bear the brunt of the fallout from your DC's.
Hug them. Reassure them. Cherish them. Perhaps consider family counselling for you and them.

Keep posting OP. Another day down. This gets easier, I promise promise promise you.

I've still not eaten but I had a chocolate milkshake.
My dd has been sobbing next to me in bed. She's finally fell asleep.

She loves her dad so much, she's a proper daddies girl.

It sounds like your DH is about to fall off his pedestal - your DCs will remember who was there for them, and who walked out. You're doing a grand job so far. Stay strong x

Thanks twokettles

I'm trying my hardest not to cry but watching the kids cry makes me even worse.

She's staying off school tomorrow, I can't send her there in the state she's in.

We're going to watch spongebob and eat chocolate

Op you will get through this because you have to for your children. My ex H packed his suitcase in front of our 10 year son. They are selfish. In the long run you will realise that they have always been selfish. Take each day as it comes. Keep to your routines. Invite your friends and family round for pizza and wine and slowly life will start to look better. It does take time and it is so hard the first few days, weeks and months. Keep posting on here. I never had MN. I wish I had - then I wouldn't have made so many mistakes. You can do this.

I've been awake since 5. I can't sleep or eat.

My heart is breaking. I just want him back.

It's hard but please think about moving forward without him. It is a major shock but would you really want him back? How would you feel if your dd had a partner like this? Stay strong xx

You will move forward from this, and it will get easier. You will hopefully get to a point where you can consider if you would want him back even if he returned - his behaviour has not been respectful.

OP your children are raging at you because you are the only one there. You are the parent who stayed.

It's not that they are blaming you; they have no one else to rage at!

Keep going. They will eventually lay the blame where it belongs.

Stay strong. He is a total dick to do this to you, and to his own children.

Exactly what ptumbi said. My DD has raged at me for her father leaving and she can't remember him and wouldn't know him now if he passed her in the street. We all take out our emotions on those closest to us - and your DC will remember that you are the strong parent who stayed, who looked after them and who kept the family unit together - I think of DD and me as being a "unit"; you and your DCs will eventually be a happier and more secure unit without any unreliable elements in it.

He is a total tosser to do this to you and to them.

I called him before (I know ffs) and I told him how much I loved him.

He said I was guilt tripping him and he needs time to think.
God I need him so much. He's my first boyfriend, my only love. I can't function without him.

my My XH walked out suddenly in 2012. I thought that I would never ever get over it, yet 4 years on I am still here, still alive, and realising in a lot of ways that I am better off on my own. I still have moments of feeling low, usually triggered by PMT, but on the whole I am happy.

I remember the pain and devastation though, the feeling that you are never going to get over it, that your life has ended. You are going through a grieving process and as such you will go through all of the stages of that. It is incredible to me now to look back at then and to see myself where I am now as I never imagined that I could. But I did and you will too.

Don't tell him how much you love him. I told my XH that and he said that I was "pressuring him". He had also suddenly announced out of the blue that he didn't want to be here any more.

It turned out that he was infatuated with his best mates wife. Overnight XH changed from the loving man that I knew, into an angry aggressive guilty man. I no longer recognise the man that I was with for 10 years. You will probably start to see a massive difference in your H. He will become selfish and angry and blame you for everything. Don't let him.

You will get some great advice on here. You will follow some of it, you will ignore some of it thinking that you know best. But one thing I will say, is that posters on MN were right in what they told me and I was in denial. But everybody was still there for me, no matter what.

You need to put yourself and the DC first now. Don't take any crap from your H. Tell your DC's schools what has happened, so that they can keep an eye on them and make allowances for any change in attitude or behaviour. Eat little and often, just half a sandwich or a banana, and drink plenty of water. i survived on just that, and a multi vitamin every day for weeks, but it was enough to keep me going.

Take each day one at a time. If you are on Tax Credits, then ring up and get a single claim processed. Ring the Council Tax and get your 25% discount. Set yourself little goals to help you get through the day and stop worrying about things.

Take care of yourself

Op. Please please be aware that illegal steroid use causes all kinds of fucked up behaviour, it also causes 'steroid rage' which is very very dangerous to be living with. Although you don't feel it at the moment, him moving out while he is taking steroids has done you and your children a huge favour. Please look it up . It may explain why he is acting like he is .

You can and you will function without him.
You might not think it right now but you will.
One day will turn into another and another and you will find you have got through it.
He's an absolute arsehole so please remember that.
He's no doubt being led by his dick as AF said up thread so please prepare yourself for that.

For now though you need to keep your sugar levels up and keep yourself hydrated.
I got by on sugary tea, orange juice ice lollies and soup. I couldn't keep anything solid down so try that, it might help.

Get as many family and friends around you as you can. They want to help so let them help you.

If you need different support then get to your GP and see what you might need to get you through this.

I know the heart broken feeling. There is nothing so painful in the world.
Cry when you need to. Do what you can with work and the kids. As long as they have some food and water they will be fine.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone though and many people on here are going through the same or have been through it before you.

OP.

How are you? How's today been?
We're all here. It will get easier. Promise promise.

Just wanted to send a message of support. I think you have held it together pretty well, kids crying is awful.
He's having the cliche mid life crisis. I font want to hurt you and I understand you want him back, but just be aware, he sounds like your not the only option...I. Am so sorry for your little family.