devastated and can't cope

[Mypubesarestraight]

My dp left me yesterday after 18 years and 3 Dc together.

He did all this while I was in work. I came home to 3 upset children and I just can't cope.

He said he needs a few weeks to think about what he wants and if he still wants to be with me.

I have removed my Facebook so I can't see any posts or pictures that his friends will post (twats) and I've deleted his number.

I don't know what to do.

My ex did similar-walked out on me and five children- one was a newborn. They are phenomenally selfish people and I can say honestly, hand on heart, that you will cope, then it will get easier, then one day, you will wake up and you will realise you are over it all. My children have no contact with their father. We were together for 22 years and he basically disappeared from our lives ( actually to his girlfriend's house ten minutes away). Other than the on going financial issue I.e. he pays no maintenance for the children, I have no desire to give him any head space. I have recently met someone new- early days, but the realisation that not everyone is like HIM is very liberating. You will be happy again. It just takes time.

You've had a massive shock He's done you a favour and one day you will realise this. So sorry that you and your DC are going through this

I fell asleep crying and woke up crying. I'm devastated and heartbroken.

I am so sorry.

OP.

It does get easier. I promise you it does.

I still remember the shock to me and my DC's 6 months ago when our world changed forever.
At that point the best advice came from my DB when I asked 'how do I get through this?'

He simply replied 'at first you take each hour as it comes and deal with it. Then those hours will
merge into days. Those days will eventually merge into weeks. You'll be ok'.

He was absolutely right. I'm now into the weeks...we are settling into a new way of life. And it's more than ok.

My advice?

Lean on those around in RL. Don't hesitate, lean on them. Between my family and best friends I now realise that someone was with me almost constantly.

If you're not sleeping (or have trouble sleeping). Get to your GP. Your priority right now is to look after yourself. You're no good to anyone if you don't look after you.

Eat whatever takes your fancy, especially if like me and many others shock like this makes you feel sick to your stomach. Sweet tea, biscuits. You have to get something into you.

Post here. Tons of support and handholding

Most importantly take faith. Many of us on here have been through similar and I promise you. You'll not only be ok, you'll come through this stronger. It's going to be ok OP.

I want him to come home. I can't do this on my own.

I haven't eaten since Saturday tea time. I've tried but I just can't.

I feel like my world has ended.

Yes you can!
You really can. You will feel shit for a while but you will come through.
Each day is another day closer to feeling better.
Do what you can to get through each day.
Enlist friends to keep you company.
Force yourself to eat and drink just to stay on your feet.
Get some sleeping pills, see your gp.
Exercise will help loads (this is coming from a lazy size 16) but it really helped me.
Wash dress and put your make up on, that helps lots too.

If you act as if it's the end of the world it will be.

He is but a mere man, do not allow his leaving to break you.

You can do this op. Have a shower and put on some clean clothes, then have a cup of tea. As others have said, take it minute by minute, I know it seems impossible now but one day it will be OK.

I've put my makeup on and I'm getting ready for work.
My mum has rang and she is sleeping at my house tonight.

Well done.
You are stronger than you know, you are off to work when many would have rang in sick.

"I know he's no good for me or the dc "

Keep hold of that thought if ever you think that you want him back.

You & your kids deserve better.

Well done OP.

Eat something. You will need mental and emotional strength to get you through this. Not eating doesn't give you that and it will make you feel worse.

Am glad your mum is coming and is spending the night. Mine did the exact same and didn't leave for a good few weeks. She was my rock.

Right now, you have to be strong, you have 3 DC's and their world has fallen apart too.

You don't need him. And you can absolutely do this without him. Trust us. We are living proof that you can come through this more than ok.

Well done, that's fab! Be kind to yourself at work today. Only you know your job and your colleagues but if you can do something that will absorb some mental energy that would be good, tempting as it is to do the easy tasks. Obviously not something critical though, as you might make mistakes.

I found in a similar situation that what I found hardest was not being able to get away from my own thoughts, it was relentless. Sadly my job is safety critical so I took a few days off as I didn't trust myself. If you can escape your own head, even for a few minutes, do.

I'm so sorry to hear this but it will probably be the best thing to happen to you. I hope you find your anger soon

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. My husband of 22 years walked out completely unexpectedly last April. I thought I was not going to get through it. He opted out of his life with his children to live with a work colleague who is 10 years younger. I realise now I am out of the relationship the extent of the emotional control that he had over me. It is not good what he did and although I am actually a very strong person, he really had me where he wanted me. When I confronted him about his affair, he walked out.

Although he is the one in the wrong, he has continued to play a controlling and unpleasant game. Luckily we now have no joint accounts etc so there is very little else he can do. He cancelled my mobile phone contract, our Sky account etc - could have just transferred them into my name but that would have been the reasonable thing to do. Now he is witholding maintenance instead.

The good news is that I have not stumbled and fallen as he expected me to. I have got on with my life and held my children close, supported them through this. They needed me to be strong and we are a tight unit that he cannot break into.

Take this as the opportunity to be the person that you want to be. Once the dust has settled, go out and have some fun. Enjoy your children - they will never forget that you were there for them. With a bit more time, you may see your relationship differently and realise that you are worth so much more.

Take all the support you can get. Your GP can refer you to counselling if necessary - I found it helped.

For now, try and eat if you can. Don't ask too much of yourself in these early days. Believe me, things will get better.

He's on steroids. I suspect this might explain his behaviour.

I can't cope in work. I can't stop thinking about him.
I feel like I have been punched in the stomach.

Why is he on steroids ? Illegally ?

He wants to build his muscles

He wants to build his muscles

Hi OP, I am in a similar situation - DH has left and I am left feeling broken, cant eat, fitful sleep etc. I wasnt devastated at first then it hit me like a wave. You have my utmost sympathy.

I am trying to take each day at a time. There is lots of great advice and positive stories on the thread, take comfort from those

Hi OP, I've been in a similar position to you. If you possibly can, stay at work because the familiar routine will be helpful and will give you a sense of normality even though you feel that everything is crashing around you.

Get through today at work by making a list. Keep it to simple, small tasks because ticking them off will be rewarding and make you feel that you have accomplished something - and rightly so, because you will have done. Just making the list will give you some control back. You are obviously a dedicated employee because you have gone in to work today.

Try to eat a mouthful of something that you really, really enjoy every hour or so. Keep it simple but you do need to keep your energy levels up. Think of anything that you might normally deny yourself or think of as treat food. These are exceptional circumstances and you deserve it.

The steroid use sounds concerning but is that an excuse for totally unreasonable behaviour? I'll admit I have no idea. Are these legal or dodgy bought-from-the-internet steroids?

Just get through today, or even the next hour and then the next. Small steps. And sending you positive thoughts. You will get there, you really will. You are stronger than you probably think.

Has he grown a pony tail and bought a motorbike/flash car too ?

Ridiculous cliché of a man.

They're illegal steroids. Or at least I think they are.

I'm broken. He's just told me that at the moment he's thinking that he doesn't want to be with me.

I have never felt pain like this before.