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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend on escort site

129 replies

SophieSuperStar · 21/07/2015 21:33

Hi, all, i am very new to this site, recommended by my friend. this is my first post. So here goes...... i checked the history of our computer and found my boyfriend has been visiting a site called Adultwork. a site for escorts basically and visited a profile of a lady on there who "works" locally to us. I do not know how to bring it up, I am 99.9% sure he has visited the prostitute. :( what to do, advice please

OP posts:
needsomefeckingprivacy · 21/07/2015 21:38

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mrstweefromtweesville · 21/07/2015 21:40

Leave him. Don't talk about it. Get checked for diseases. Leave now, go to the sexual health centre later.

thenightsky · 21/07/2015 21:40

He's not just being nosy is he?

I think all sorts of dodgy stuff would come up on my computer due to links I've clicked on on mumsnet alone!

Ohfourfoxache · 21/07/2015 21:41

Oh Sophie Sad

Needsome is right I'm afraid.

Tell us a bit about yourself - do you live together? Have DC? (Dear children)

You'll get lots of advice on here

needsomefeckingprivacy · 21/07/2015 21:46

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borisgudanov · 21/07/2015 21:47

Get rid of the disgusting bastard immediately.

pocketsaviour · 21/07/2015 21:57

I am 99.9% sure he has visited the prostitute.

Is there something which is making you suspicious in addition to the browser history?

Original poster
SophieSuperStar · 21/07/2015 22:03

Hey thank you ladies for all the messages, apart from the browsing, I just feel he has visited escorts or an escort. I know the sensible thing is to actually leave him, but it is not that easy, and no, no children as of yet, plans are on hold for that due to financial reasons.... Again than you all for the advice I really do appreciate it, not the most ideal topic to start off a first day of joining.

OP posts:
needsomefeckingprivacy · 21/07/2015 22:09

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butterflygirl15 · 21/07/2015 22:11

please make sure you get full sti testing

why can't you leave him - any financial things can be got out of surely?

findingherfeet · 21/07/2015 22:14

Leave him before you have children. Honestly, you will not regret it and you will find someone who loves and respects you.

TokenGinger · 21/07/2015 22:16

Speak to him. How do you know it's not a case of a friend using it, his friend saying "oh my god, I just saw 'Jessica' on this, take a look", and he's had a look.

If there's nothing else making you think it's dodgy, ask him.

NotYouNaanBread · 21/07/2015 22:17

It is that easy. There is simply no situation where you can be physically prevented from walking away.

Do you have any family or friends? Do you have any money at all? A job?

Original poster
SophieSuperStar · 21/07/2015 22:17

We currently live on rent, saving for property, you are right I should go to clinic and get checked, but we have both been so busy with work/work patterns we ain't had any "closeness" for couple of months.

OP posts:
AskBasil · 21/07/2015 22:19

Why would you want to have children with a man who despises women?

Even if he hasn't visited a prostituted woman, the fact that he has looked, that he can be "curious", is just enough to tell you that he's not good enough for you.

A man who thinks it's acceptable to pay to rape a woman (because that's what prostitution is, men having sex with women who don't want to have sex with them and only endure it because of the money), is a really vile man. You deserve a better partner and your future children deserve a better father. Please believe that.

Original poster
SophieSuperStar · 21/07/2015 22:19

Yeah my family members do live close by (20 mins drive) and I do have a full time job and some savings too, it's just it's v difficult to leave a relationship when in love, and when u r best friends too

OP posts:
Original poster
SophieSuperStar · 21/07/2015 22:20

:( I have always said that and I agree too, prostitution is rape.... I need to think long and hard... I can't just throw away 3 years

OP posts:
AskBasil · 21/07/2015 22:23

Oh Sweetheart, it's better to throw away 3 years than a lifetime.

Don't think that because you've invested time in this relationship, you need to stay in to get a return.

It's a bad investment. Cut your losses.

Holden10 · 21/07/2015 22:24

A best friend and someone who is in love with you wouldn't be shagging prostitutes behind your back:( sorry. Do get sti checks.

Original poster
SophieSuperStar · 21/07/2015 22:24

I need to make sure and hear it, that he has cheated on me, I've got to ask him, just don't know how to bring it up, I hate confrontation,

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 21/07/2015 22:25

Sophie... Have you not considered that a friend may have sent him a link to say "look at her" kind of thing if she lives locally? Somebody they went to school with or something?

If you have no other evidence or inkling that he may have been unfaithful, I think it's premature to jump to conclusions.

Gosh, if my DP checked my browsing history, he'd have a fright! I google the most bizarre things from reading on mumsnet!

BromleyGal · 21/07/2015 22:25

Love is not your partner paying a prostitute for sex, browsing for others. That's not love. That's disrespect - to both you and to all women.

You have no ties with this man - no children, no mortgage. Get out now. It will only get worse otherwise. Especially if you confront him and then forgive him - that will just give him the green light to behave even more appallingly.

It's horrible for you, and I am sorry. And do please get yourself checked out.

needsomefeckingprivacy · 21/07/2015 22:26

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Original poster
SophieSuperStar · 21/07/2015 22:28

Hymn yeah that is also possible, I need to speak to him, he is due from work in an hour or so, I don't know what to do. I don't see his friends sending him the link, but I suppose they could, my only inkling is, because he hasn't "pestered " me for tlc

OP posts:
Lacoba66 · 21/07/2015 22:28

Tokenginger- unless the OP's partner is about 16 years old, I would assume that he doesn't 'search' escort sites on his mates say so...

OP, I feel for you, as been there and done that (that site as well). When you say there was history, can you explain a bit more?

He WILL lie to you. He WILL say "I was just looking". May be he has 'only' looked so far, but why is he looking? He shouldn't be anywhere near the site.

I have a far idea of how the site works ( nearly drive myself demented finding out, because I knew my EX was lying, but wanted proof).

I truly feel for you, as on this ocassion I can say I know exactly how you feel. Sad.

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