Boyfriend on escort site

[SophieSuperStar]

Hi, all, i am very new to this site, recommended by my friend. this is my first post. So here goes...... i checked the history of our computer and found my boyfriend has been visiting a site called Adultwork. a site for escorts basically and visited a profile of a lady on there who "works" locally to us. I do not know how to bring it up, I am 99.9% sure he has visited the prostitute. :( what to do, advice please

I haven't been there but completely agree with ^^

No sex for 2 months and you're only 29.
How often did you used to have sex.
Something is amiss here.
Whether he did visit or he looks at porn or logs on to web chats, something has happened to make him put cyber sex or sex with others above your relationship.

Maybe just get some space for now. Just take some things and go to your sisters for a long weekend or a week. Have a good think.
You don't have to tell him why.
Just let him know you found things out about him and you need some space away from him and ask him not to contact you for a couple of days.
If he's around all the time and in your space you won't be able to think straight.
It also has the affect on him of wondering how much you know about what he's been up to.
Worth considering????

Oh x post. I completely agreed with Vernazza Wed 22-Jul-15 09:09:17

hi vernazza, thank u for the advice, and u r right, only problem is how do I avoid sexual contact with him, if he is in mood or something? I.E oral or sex ( obv sex is always without a condom- when we do it or rather When we did it) his birthday in 2 weeks so obviously, he will be expecting a "gift"

The reason sex for no sex over two months is the work patterns and long hours, our work patterns will sync up from September onwards where he goes permanent daytimes

Pretend to have thrush.

I completely agree with other posters about not confronting yet. He has nothing to gain and everything to lose by telling you the truth, if you have no evidence. Keep quiet and find the truth while he still thinks you are too stupid to notice.

I don't know how you avoid sex, and I am not sure you need to if it will make him suspicious (I know a lot of people won't agree with that advice but at this point, keeping everything "normal" while you gather evidence is crucial). You should go to the GUM clinic immediately and get tested (but for heavens sake make sure he doesn't know that you have done so). Even if you catch something (god forbid) there's really not much that isn't curable.

Keep everything as normal as you can and be sweet and computer stupid. Don't let him see you check his phone. When you do check his computer delete links only from the last hour (after you have finished checking).

When you find anything, take a screenshot and print it off (don't save the image on the computer!!).

Does the mobile bill come to the house? Does it show numbers dialled and received? Check your bank accounts (and his if they are separate) and look for large unexplained cash withdrawals. DO NOT ask him anything about anything at this point!!!

Check his bathroom for condoms. If you have used them with him previously count them and write it down somewhere and see if any disappear.

Check the glove box of his car and under the seats, etc for condoms as well.

If you can afford it you can also put a GPS tracker in his car - it shows exactly where he goes.

Some people will say if you have to do all this there is no trust and you should just leave now and not resort to snooping - but it sounds like you aren't going anywhere without proof, so get it.

The last thing I will say, and I do so with kindness, is that even with busy schedules there is always time for sex. Couples make time. In two months there are many many hours or half hours with opportunity even if you are running the United States of America - people make time for what is important to them. Where there's a will there's a way. Two months is a hell of a long time at your age for no sex, and as you talk about sex as a "gift" and him "pestering", it sounds like it may be you that isn't interested in sex. Which is fine!!! If you aren't you aren't! But that doesn't justify him hiring whores and surely is a deal breaker isn't it? Or is it him that isn't interested? Have you had conversations about sex? You can tell us anything and we will try to help - you are 100% anonymous and so are we, so let it all out sweetheart. xx

Genius Ketchup - pure genius as thrush can affect the throat as well!

He has been interested in sex, dry rubbing me at times, but it's me who has turned him down many times, this includes oral too, ( something he begs for) I've been v tired due to work, and haven't a exactly had the time to 'groom'. I know sex can happen nowhere anytime, but I always 'groom' twice weekly, but over past 1.5 months I haven't had the spare couple of hours to properly do it

So you don't feel confident to have sex with your boyfriend if you've got pubic hair? That's very sad, Sophie. Has he let you know he doesn't like it?

To repeat what PPs have said, a man who uses sex workers is a man who sees women as sex objects - not proper people.

A partner who systematically lies to you is not a real partner, he's a user.
If you're afraid to discuss awkward things with your partner, the relationship is not a good one - there's a power imbalance.
These things are true even if you get on well as friends, have laughs and a good social life, etc.

I think he's undermined your confidence. Do you?

I agree that's really sad, Sophie. DP is happy to give me oral even when I haven't groomed for a few weeks. If anything, he dislikes it when I have shaved because the stubble growing back irritates him during sex.

The people who have suggested that it could be an old school friend... I know that my boyfriend would make a point of showing me such a thing if it were someone he knew and tend to think that most of us would do this.

This just happened to one of my friends. She found out her DH has been visiting prostitutes over and over again. He had a secret email account, but she rumbled him with one of those free keylogger things. Apparently, they are quite easy to install and they keep a log of all activity on the machine so you can pick up passwords, searches, the lot. I was very about her using it, but it did give her the evidence she needed. Sadly, she's staying with the guy anyway .

While browsing AW is definitely a red flag - a very red flag - we don't know whether the OP's BF has actually contacted an escort, let alone visited one. Lot of jumping to conclusions here. Maybe he's just window shopping.

But that in itself should be cause for concern. While some men think about going to see a prostitute and never follow through, a worrying percentage do.

At the very least, the OP's BF has shown an unhealthy interest in paid sex and should be treated with great caution.

Red flag ? OMG yes! this happened to me. I laid low and looked through bank accounts going back years to find ATM withdrawls in v dodgy areas. It took six months to get him to tell the truth and that was probably the tip of the iceberg. He had been seeing escorts most of his adult life.

You will be in shock and denial. My story began the same. Looking up an escort site. Said he didn't do anything blah blah. They will lie lie and lie some more.

Say nothing and find out what you're dealing with. But then again I wouldn't want you to deal with the pain I've been through. My advice would be get rid now before he messes with your head. Because he will.

He will have visited the woman. Most definitely.

Otherwise he would have looked at porn instead. He wasn't looking up a local escort for nothing.

I agree, watching porn is v different too visiting escort sites,

Do you? You seem very passive in this OP.... Your choice . This is me bowing out from this thread.

I'm just not confrontational I mean I'm a strong person, just v concerned, I talked to my sister and she is pushin me to talk to him ASAP, and that is what I'm wondering now, I want to thank everyone for the advice, and I will keep everyone posted

Just say, "You've got some creepy stuff on your computer. You can't possibly imagine I'll ever have sex with you again. So, I guess this is goodbye, Mr Perv."

Seriously, those of us who have been there know long chats are a waste of time.

Communication can fix a lot of things in a relationship, but this is unlikely to be one of them.

You go: You've got some creepy stuff on your computer. What's that all about?

He goes: You've been snooping in my stuff! Raaargh! You'd better have a good explanation!

Or: Oh that? Haha, friend sent it for a bet. I'd forgotten about it. Don't you trust me? Tsk, what is love without trust?!

Or: I'm so ashamed, I only saw her the once. It was your fault anyway, you wouldn't give me enough of the sex. You should be ashamed.

What is not going to happen: He fully admits every tiny detail, totally remorseful, doesn't try to blame you at all, gives it all up immediately and your relationship resumes as before only even better. For one thing, you've got this new knowledge about him. For another, he knows you know it. And, finally - this never happens. Bad habits are hard to kick.

I'm sorry.

FFS listen to advice ! Be smart listen to advice of people who have been there otherwise you will be taken for a ride .

Keep quiet and find out. Be smart.

Otherwise you are condoning his behaviour. If he's doing that be doesn't love you. End of .

Get rid. I've been there.

Listen to Garlick. She has the tight of it, esp The Script.

OP, all these guys are shockingly, yet boringly, predictable.