Boyfriend on escort site

[SophieSuperStar]

Hi, all, i am very new to this site, recommended by my friend. this is my first post. So here goes...... i checked the history of our computer and found my boyfriend has been visiting a site called Adultwork. a site for escorts basically and visited a profile of a lady on there who "works" locally to us. I do not know how to bring it up, I am 99.9% sure he has visited the prostitute. :( what to do, advice please

[CarrieLouise25]

Better to throw away 3 years now, than several more years (and with a baby later).

You could be wasting time here, when you're true soul mate (who would never hurt you) is waiting to be met!!

[SophieSuperStar]

I'm 29, 30 next month. I have got to admit he really is wonderful, v calm v mellow, it's just this one thing whic has popped up out of no where

[AskBasil]

You have loads of time to find someone else.

Really you do.

I wish I'd known that when I was your age.

[SophieSuperStar]

It's time to do some serious thinking.. I have got to ask him, I want to know if he has, and where and when and why and how often,

[Lacoba66]

needsomefeckingprivacy is right OP. He will lie ask him, you may get a look of disbelief, then tears and then indignation that you could think he could do such a thing.

Did the history show any evidence of emails or log in?

[everynameseemstobetaken]

If you've got joint savings for a deposit, maybe move your share somewhere safe before having a talk with him.

[Lacoba66]

*when you ask him

[butterflygirl15]

I doubt he will admit to it. Will just turn it on you. Please don't waste another 3 years on him. You have so much life left. Don't throw it away on someone who thinks it is acceptable to buy women like they are a piece of meat.

[SophieSuperStar]

No, all it showed was, visits to adultwork and then the profile visited, visited on conservative days same profile, only way I could prove it is by jotting number down from profile and seeing if he called from his mobile

[Lacoba66]

Okay, just so long as you are aware that you don't have to become a member to view or even book, as many will show a mobile number or external email address. If an escort is booked through the site, then you need to have registered/ become a member. Youcould do a search on the site by going to the main page and clicking on login-then email and bookings. There is an option for 'forgot nickname or password', if you click on that, you can put his email address in and it will tell you if its registered, by then saying the info has been sent to that address.

[Lacoba66]

^^ yep!

[SophieSuperStar]

Checked his phone this morning, no numbers which stand out as dodgy, and @ needsome I appreciate the advice I really do, and if I was in your shoes I'd be saying the same thing. I'm not afraid of been alone, it's just I don't want to give up on it easily as everyone makes mistakes at same time I do not want to be taken for a mug.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

I can't just throw away 3 years

Sophie - look up "sunk cost fallacy". However this situation plays out for you, don't think the time you invest has to "pay off". That way lies madness. Madness, I tells ya!

But seriously, PPs have asked this - what made you look through the computer history? Oh so often we get niggling feelings that tend to be right - your subconscious may have been picking up on things: an attitude from him, patterns or changed patterns. Trust your gut.

Look after yourself.

[FolkGirl]

At 29, I would have felt/thought the same as you.

In fact, I did. I put up with all sorts of shit because I didn't want to throw something away (I was worried about being alone, so it's good you're not). I still ended up dumping him when he cheated (issues weren't AW) related).

I'm now 40 and my tolerance level is zero for any kind of nonsense or disrespect. It might take processing time to actually act, but I put up with nothing now.

I have learned that if you have reason to think someone is up to no good, they generally are.

And any mistake that involves misogyny or causes me to cry/feel bad about myself is not one I'm going to forgive.

[SophieSuperStar]

Actually I found it by accident, I pressed control and H and side tab came up and it showed AW site, clicked on it to see what it is and my heart sank. I was never curious or suspicious before had no reason to be. I just went into over drive thinking, because we v not had sex for 2 months or so, and then this site I found, 1+1 I assumed he must be finding it elsewhere

[Lacoba66]

It doesn't really matter how you discovered it -IMO. Did you ask him about it last night?

I too, have no axe to grind, but only offer advice, so that you are aware of how the site works.

Wish you well, as it will F**k with your head

[findingherfeet]

Whaaat?? He's wonderful? He's having sex with prostitutes! That isn't a mistake, it's well thought out behind your back.

[SophieSuperStar]

No I didn't ask him last night, I'm going to wait a day or two, think hard and think bout how to bring it up, but I can guarantee if he has cheated I will leave him, I can move in with my sister (lives 20-25mins away) il be heartbroken, but once a cheat always a cheat. So I'm hoping and wishing he hasn't cheated on me, esp with a PROSTITUTE

[Vernazza]

Sophie please listen to those that have been there. Good that you haven't asked him and you must NOT ask him until you have had time to see hard evidence.

What you have now is not conclusive and if you ask at this point, he WILL lie, he WILL get extremely careful and he will hide his tracks better. He will also make you think you're crazy and imagining things.

ACT DUMB and keep your powder dry as others have said!! Keep watching the computer history, his phone, etc. if he is continually deleting his history he is up to something - he WILL slip up, and do it more readily if he thinks you are computer non-savvy.

You can do this. Xx

[Lacoba66]

Sophie, if and when you do ask him, are you aware of what his email address's are? It's not 'fools proof' but (as he may have a fake one) but I would get him to put any email address's into the forgotten 'nickname & password' section in front of you (I didn't think to do that). If he's a registered member he will be sent the above, but it will probably go to his Junk box.

Of course, if he's not registered, that does not mean he hasn't booked an escort, but It MAY rule out one scenario.