Boyfriend on escort site

[SophieSuperStar]

Hi, all, i am very new to this site, recommended by my friend. this is my first post. So here goes...... i checked the history of our computer and found my boyfriend has been visiting a site called Adultwork. a site for escorts basically and visited a profile of a lady on there who "works" locally to us. I do not know how to bring it up, I am 99.9% sure he has visited the prostitute. :( what to do, advice please

[moopymoodle]

I'm sorry but u disagree with the majority of posters here. If you look in my history now it has visits to escorts sites looking at costs. Yet it was actually innocent and to do with something I read about the industry previously. I have zero desire regarding prostitutes. So yes things can look bad but not be at all. Just investigate before you make any decisions

[I8Gorgonzola]

A lot of conclusions already come to by the looks of things.

I, myself have visited this site. Because I heard on the grapevine that one of the local girls was on it. I had a look, found her, was shocked, closed it down and went about my day. Didn't tell my DP or mention it. Didn't think it was that important. She doesn't know her so it wouldn't have meant anything to her.

A bit more conclusive proof is what you need.

[TokenGinger]

Thank God the last two posters came along. I was really starting to lose my faith in mumsnet! I can't believe how many people are saying LTB on very little proof.

Following a newspaper article this morning circulating on Facebook, my internet history will now have "male sex doll" in there. If my partner that, thankfully he'd have the sense to know I'm more than pleased with him and was looking solely cause I'm nosey

[Vernazza]

The vast majority of posters ARE telling her to keep her powder dry, stay cool calm and collected and get more evidence if there is any to be found. Not to jump the gun. If she talks to him now and he is up to something she'll tip him off and he'll be more careful and she will be back here months later kicking herself. If he is not up to anything that'll become evident as well. She's been given excellent advice.

[I8Gorgonzola]

12 people on the first page alone telling her to leave?

Hardly excellent advice.

[Vernazza]

Are you sure you are counting in the right thread gorgonzola????? Only THREE people in the entire thread told her to leave, three on the first page and that's it. Not twelve.

[I8Gorgonzola]

Well I'm not going to quote them all but there's 4 in the first 6 replies.

[Vernazza]

You said there are twelve people: There are three in total. Needsomefeckin, Findingherfeet and Mrstweet. If you are going to come on here and criticise the advice given and make false claims, be prepared to "quote". Or apologise.

[MyDogAteMyBelt]

Agenda, gorgonzola?

[Toohotcats]

Someone mentioned a few pages back that they had never in their lives known of a married/attached man use a prostitute and all of what they had learned about this was solely from MN. Glad to say I feel the same, I think yes it can and does happen in a small minority of cases.. Yet there are several threads referencing the -same website on MN with posters with scarily similar writing styles .. Just saying.

[Vernazza]

Dang - just control f'd "rid" (instead of just "leave" and saw some more suggesting it - so I apologise for that miscount). I do however stand by my comment that she has been given excellent advice

[findingherfeet]

You don't need proof or evidence, if your instinct is telling you he's visiting prostitutes or is thinking about it and that he is lying and cheating. Just leave.

You've got no ties, the only thing you'll find with digging is more heart ache.

[mrsatkinson]

if you are 99.9% certain hes done it theres clearly no trust and that alone is potentially enough to leave him.

on the other hand i dont necessarily agree with many of the posters on this thread.
one referred to the prostitute as a 'whore' which didnt sit well for me. theres no need to demean the sex worker, shes done nothing wrong, its her way of earning money. if your oh has cheated hes in the wrong not her.
Secondly, i also disagree with it being 'rape'. if he has, he isnt a rapist. i know for a fact some women enjoy their job as sex workers. im not saying all do, or there arent women who are forced into it, all im saying is dont hate her.

i am a firm believer curiosity is a wonderful thing most of the time. my dh is honest that he watches porn, and honestly so do i. we watch it separately and together. sometomes i google various sexual things as im curious. i imagine he does too.

he hasnt necessarily cheated, he may be feeling pushed out and curious. dont jump the gun. he may not have acted on his curiosity.

the people saying he would have looked at pron instead- it might be the idea of an escort that excites him rather than porn. it may be a little fantasy (hurtful though it is) that he hasnt acted on, is simply... getting off on (sorry for crudeness of that phrase!)

leave it, mull it over and talk to him. dont take shit. youll know if hes lying if youve been together for so long.

i hope everything works out.

[I8Gorgonzola]

Ok vernazza, didn't really want to derail the thread to please you, but

Needssomefeckingprivacy
Mrstweet
Ohfourfoxache
Borisgudanov
Findingherfeet
Askbasil
Bromleygal

all advise leaving him on the first page.

And why do I have an agenda all of a sudden??

[Vernazza]

I8Gorgonzola you missed my 12:40 post.

[Vernazza]

Sophie hope you are okay. xx

[SophieSuperStar]

Hi I'm okay thanks :) I have decided I will be talking to him on his day off, ( searched history again and AW site diff esc) so I now I know he has been visting them, and to be honest id thought I'd be really upset, but I'm not, let's see what he has to say.

[Toohotcats]

Why are you not upset..?

[hellsbellsmelons]

Are you not upset because you just know it's over and your love for his has gone or because you can accept this and just carry on?
Neither is right or wrong I'm just intrigued.

[I8Gorgonzola]

Vernazza - yes, I did sorry!

[Enoughalreadyyou]

I feel that you're not upset because you are in shock. You might as well of told me that he'd been to the moon and eaten cheese when I found out. I did not know that this industry was so local and easily accessible. But it is.

I live in a beautiful area but know where the local brothels are. One is opposite a childrens play area. Why the police allow this I don't know. This industry is huge and there's nothing we can do about it. Everyone pretends it isn't a threat but it is.

Also he won't change because he's stopped. If he ever does. It's a pervasive greedy entitled mentality especially from men who are in a relationship. You will never trust him again. Tell him to go. He's welcome to see escorts as a single man. Otherwise he will mess with your MH. Good luck tonight. Get ready for the lies, blame, and justification. Things will get nasty.

[SophieSuperStar]

The reason I'm not upset over it is because as my sister said to me the other day "only a loser throws away a beautiful partner and relationship for a 45 sec sh#g with a diseased ridden prossie, a real man doesn't cheat" so if he has done it, in my eyes I won't see him as a man. And no I'm not in shock the first time I saw the AW I was, kept mulling it over n over, then when I found it the other day a diff profile, I just felt sick and disgusted and that was my final straw and that when I decided I'm going to talk to him on his day off ( Sunday)

[hellsbellsmelons]

Your sister had a way with words.
Good luck on Sunday.
Keep coming here for support.

[davidburn]

oh nice, now you have the same opportunity to have secret affair with another man as well, you should thank your husband for this opportunity

good hunting, madam

[SophieSuperStar]

Firstly I want to thank everyone for the support received and the information and advice provided. I can confirm I have moved in with my sister, cutting a very long story short. He has admitted visting two escorts, spending around £350 in total or something, he started crying, saying I didn't give him any attention etc, I just said your a sick rat bastard, and walked off, packed my bag and left, he was obviously crying and getting angry in between trying to blame me etc. I didn't respond, kept quite, and just left the house. He keeps on calling now, I'm just ignoring etc etc, anyway what's done is done. Going to clinic this week to get checked for job lot.