HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

Yeah, Roz I got that old spiel as well, it didn't 'just happen' though did it? They made it happen, it was a conscious decision to do it, knowing the pain it would cause. My ex actively pursued her, went to cycling events he knew she would be at, went to the pub when he knew she 'just happened' to be there, until they 'just couldn't help themselves'.

He said to me he would leave the family just to have a chance of a relationship with her, how did he think that made me feel?

Less than worthless, I must admit... But I held on because I have an autistic spectrum son, and I'm so sorry I did now, I wish I'd saved myself six months of anguish and maybe I'd be in a better place head wise now.

Ha ha Izzie you're so silly, of course I do....

Glittery , hairy , feet....

That's good, Hobbit, I thought it was just me...

Oh, but minus the glitter

Hobbit I held on a lot longer, waiting for her to disappear and for him to break the ties

The point is, you tried. Your conscience is clear. your reasons were good and sound. You were the sensible one.

Hobbit you're not worthless, you're priceless. And those six months of trying to keep him in the family are a mark of your loyalty, values and decency - not something to be ashamed of. Good people don't give up at the first sign of trouble, they keep trying to find solutions. A spineless twat on the other hand, runs away.

The shame is all his.

A spineless twat runs away. ooh I recognise someone else there.....

WWK perfectly said as always. About Hobbit I mean

I've been a real lazy caah today. Although I did cook fried egg on toast. Actually that's a major for me, no wonder I'm resting. Anyway, I'm going to do a quick bit of gardening, just enough to fill up the bin. Catch you all later x

Thank you so much, izzie and wwk you're price is beyond rubies to me, < wish I had some fucking rubies to flog>

Yep, the mans a bastarding bastard, thats all there is to it, why am I still capable of shedding tears over that loser....

STBXH, contradicting himself, as he so often does, told me that at one point he thought to himself "If I go ahead with this affair, I'll be really selfish.".

Then he did anyway...

I guess that's someone telling you who they really are.

Hobbit it's because you are a very caring person. Oh god if I had half as many good qualities as you, I'd be made up, as they say.

Clickety click......number six

Hobbit... just wanted to say...f the lot of the sad leaflet people...let everyone see those shameful pictures of them...it's just a pity the caption didn't read "Unfaithful no 6 leaves gorgeous, loyal wife for village bike (or something along those lines)".
You will rise above this...nobody puts Hobbit in a corner!

Ha ha , izzie that's going to be my mantra from now on;
Clickety click... Number six....

You are a clever cat...

Morning all, bobs is up!!! Crap night's sleep, contemplated going to the gym for a swim at 6am - only for a nano second mind.

Feeling very tear today but have DD2 revising about 2 ft away from me while watching tennis so will push through!

Hobbit glad you're feeling better today. Like Home's comment re the recycling

Izzie like the NCs. Found these for you - they can't be Hobbit's coz they're not glittery

whyme you are right, nobody does put hobbit in a corner...
Especially clickety click.. Number sixes....

Catch y'all later, big hugs....

Girls (and Drifted) don't ever feel ashamed of trying to hold on to your family when these twunts are intent on destroying lives - we are dealing with this shit head on - they are running away. And it is f ing hard - they are emotionally retarded twunts who have an inane sense of self belief. Fuck the lot of them.

Apologies little rant there.

Ooooohhhh... They do look like mine bobsy
I rock the three quarter length trouser as well, it's how I roll in hobbit land

Bambino what why do they walk away? because they can, and if they don't have to see you or their DC then they don't seem to feely guilty, and they are too cowardly to face up to what they have done so they just detach and make out they don't care at all to the extent that they become nasty.

They are CUNTS !!!

A little wax and a bit of varnish and they'll be fine!

I'll catch up more later as out to lunch now. KOKO xx

I do feel some shame at holding on for so long and trying and trying. Wish I'd just told him to go when I first was told about affair. By OW's husband. I kept trying to save things and make it work.

Still, I might not have my great job and know all of you if I'd kicked him out 2 1/2 years ago.

Too right, why

bobs thanks, just going to do a bit of gardening now, then going to have a shave.......you take care xx