HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

Please forgive my rambling posts much better to post here than to bottle it up.

I am so confused at my life.
When I am not angry or mixed up emotionally - I feel kind of calm and that maybe just maybe I'm going to beat this miserable existence I've been left with.

My Twunt Ex - started off absolutely disgustingly behaved, for a man who never raised his voice or picked at me his attitude towards what he done was shocking. He was dismissive. He was hurtful. He lied to all that matter. He treated me and the children as a commodity rather than a priority.

He isn't like that anymore.
He doesn't love me or want to be with.
But I think I would have preferred him to remain a twunt although he made me feel awful it made me see that I am worth more. Now though, I see a man who is trying to do what is right by us, trying to give us the better deal and trying to make me not hate him because perhaps he has realised that even if he didn't love me he treated me as if I were an enemy.

I find his kindness and concern disconcerting - he is not in a relationship with the OW officially, she works for him and they do see each other but I don't think they have rushed into anything although I do feel they are doing this because her husband was badly affected by the split and they'd hate to be at blame for his mental health diminishing. But he won't cut the attachment to me - I still get his phone bill and my number appears just as much as hers.
I just wish he would let me go. Today he has already messaged only to see how we are and if the children are behaving - Sunday was none stop contact I left my phone at home whilst we were out and although he was checking he could still collect the children, I came home to five texts , calls and he even had his mum call to see if I was okay or ignoring him.

It's a constant mind fuck this splitting up - why will he not just take up with her so we can all get on with our lives.

I don't think he's done it thinking of us but the nc with me and dd from exp has actually helped me loads. It was messing me up when he was being nice then nasty all the time. I think it messed him up too, seeing that we were happy being a family and knowing what could've been. Just had a letter to say one of his direct debits has bounced so I feel even safer that he can't afford court or mediation so radio silence will remain.
I may not get a break but I don't have to see him or deal with dds behaviour after contact or worry what I look like or have him constantly calling and texting OW during contact or listen to the lies and threats. It is definitely the lesser of 2 evils. A small silver lining.
I can see them living together very soon to help his financial situation. What an idiot, no money and no family at almost 50, he'll be clinging to OW as she is all he has, let's hope she sees the light and finds someone she can actually have a life with! Although if she does he'll blatantly be crawling back this way to pick up his children when it suits and we can live without that.

WWK I thought Hope was intentional - firstly because she didn't want it broadcast that is was today (irrelevant now I guess) and secondly I think Hope is a god name to call her

*good!

Bambino although it's good that he's trying to do the right thing, it's got to be really weird for you in that he's doing the opposite of the other twunts on here!

For the moment, if he is sincere, I would take it at face value. However I would be telling him not to contact you so much. It sounds like he is still trying to be very much part of the family - or is it a control thing?

???????? go on - tell - you know you want to

Oh god - she's going to make us wait. do I need to get the new thread started???????

Tabby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You got the home?

she's gone quiet - let's hope she's writing loads

Not quite that good WWK but I will be able to get a shiny new home and a shinier one than I anticipated. My SHB was ace. Here's a selection of the names he called the other side. Idiot, fuckimg idiot, prat, dickhead. I could only agree.

I imagine she's having a very stiff drink - and a well deserved one at that! It's chaos trying to let everyone know that you've not been sent to prison for the rest of your life (for standing up to fuckwittery as sometimes one has to do!).

Well done Tabby - whatever the outcome. The most important thing: it's over (well, until they decide on their next course of fuckwittery!).

So it was worth being put through it all to the final excruciating moments, and better than your proposal even taking costs into consideration?

Oh, that's fantastic. How was cross-examination? Hopefully not too bad for you - and bloody awful for him!

WWK thinking she needs a "court reporter" to do their stuff while she drinks herself under the table now where would she find one of those?

Alcohol may be involved. Yes it was a lot better even with costs. About 70/30 in my favour all things considered. I won't put too much here MrsCs experience has put me off I may get accused of contempt of pineapple or whatever. WWK and bobs I will pm you if anyone else wants to know the details pm me.

No idea Bobs

Brilliant Tabby SO pleased for you and must be such a relief! go you (or )

Tabs your' re a legend.... Going to create a cocktail in your honour...
The Tabbytini! How original of me....
It's got pineapple in it.... And gin..... And so on.....
< falls off stool>

Your turn now, bobs or maybe green to show these idiots you can't dictate to the courts....

Naaah - not me - green will there way ahead of me

Decided to style myself as a LIW (lady in waiting) until my sol calls, upon which i will be a LIP

New thread here

Soz I decided to oust Jess in favour of a pineapple - just coz I can, and Jess and the tin of pineapple just didn't cut it