DH doesnt find me attractive when I am....

[jessicaandrebeccasmummy]

not dolled up and fat!

Thats it really.

I had a conversation with him over the last few nights about his lack of affection, only ever showing me he loves me when he wants sex, and only ever being complimented when I have dressed up and made an effort.

As a SAHM, I tend to get up, get washed, chuck on jeans and a top and run a brush through my hair and thats it, as it is more comfortable than "dressing up" to be with the girls all day.

It has come to light that he feels i have totally let myself go, need to lose a lot of weight and start wearing clothes that make me look better.

Although I totally understand his point, I am quite upset that he cant show me he loves me when im in scruff clothes. We are totally skint, so cant afford to go out and buy nice new clothes, so other than try and work on losing weight, I feel like I am losing a no-win battle.

Im not really sure why I am posting this - he is right and I know he is, but I just dont know where to start in making myself more "desirable" for him.

We have a good marriage generally but I get hurt at the fact he doesnt show me he loves me, he tells me all the time, but does nothing to back it up.

Thats it really.... feel free not to post.... because I dont really know what I expect to gain from posting this! Just wanted to let it all out I guess.

Thanks for reading.

For Jools

No he isnt poncy at all - he needs to put weight on rather than lose it, but always looks nice, smells nice,clean shaven etc.

He is SO not a horrible person - he is fantastic and I can see WHY he doesnt show me affection when i look so rough!

plum/ lilac will look great on you, so will turquoise and lime green.
and lots of ethnic jewellery.

You don't look rough in that FAT JARM pic.
Hair and make up - that's what you need, and a style session from the Codmeister.

[xena really sorry I picked such a similar user name, entirely chance - perhaps you'll have to put "xena, in way associated with or endorsed by xenia" (he he) so you don't get associated with my views.

jarm - i'm gonna slap u if u say that again! lol.

I didn't think i'd manage contacts but give it a week and u get used to them.

ok jarm
NO MOR eblack

BAGS HAVE YOU A NICE GROOOVY BAG?

"How will buying porn help? " That as only one of my suggestions. I suppose to put you both in the mood, so he and you feel sexier together whilst you do the other things. Lots of couples do but if it doesn't work for some people then obviously don't do it.

nope - dont really do handbags..... still at change bag stage so if i go out i either chuck my purse/keys in that or if im likely to be kids free (ha bloody ha) I have a small BLACK bag that holds the essentials!

Needing a changing bag doesn't mean you have to carry an Actual Changing Bag - have seen the one second from bottom left here mentioned on the Style board, but you get the gist - big enough to get everything in but not bulging navy gingham... (would this make a good Christmas present from DH?...)

JARM, Just wanted to say poor you. What a nasty and unsupportive thing to say, You are at home looking after his kids fhs. If you want to look'better' then do it for your own self esteem and not to please him.

BUT LOOKING AFTER KIDS DOESNOT MEAN OYU AHVE TO LOOK SHIT

its all about standards really!!
and if you have any!!

Cod, it depends on whether you kids regularly cover you with shit, piss vomit and the remains of their dinner, mine do

Yet another reason of very many to go to work full time because they you do have the leisure and incentive to dress well etc. and you can be visually admired all day by civilised adults rather than be messed all over with baby sick.

Cowmad, I saw this and i thought of you....

soory bout spelling...got bored!!

i thought you didn't like swearing cowmad?

does bitch not count?

custardo...bitch is a female dog
whos mates remove posts!!
greeney why are you allways around when vvv posts?
mates?? LOL

leaving that one on greeney so all can see how limited your vocab!!

bastard is an illigitimate child

fucking is the act of sex

cunt is an intimate femal body part

whats your point exactly?

calling someone a bitch rather than say - any of the above is better how?

greensleves - tut tut. i can't believe your swearing. whatis mumsnet coming to - you can't post a message these days without some fucker using bad language.

pmsl - greeny you have limited vocab because you say fuckoff

yet cowmad swears - and its ok.

c;'mon cowmad - your strongly opinionated - granted - but even you cant have it both ways.

cowmad - say your sorry for sayng "bitch" or your whole ethos is fucked.

oh and BTW i happen to know that vvq and greeny frequent maccy ds on a regular basis. for .....fillet - o - fish

they think its posh becuase its hyphenated.