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Original poster

to think this is inappropriate of DH to watch

339 replies

BluebellBlues · 09/04/2015 08:44

N/C for obvious reasons.

DH and I have a good marriage, very happy, no issues to speak of really. we have 3DC under 5. Since having the DC my sex drive has dropped and never come back to what it was pre-DC - I'm just so tired all the time, find it hard to stop being 'mummy' and become 'sexy wife' as soon as the DC are asleep, plus I'm not happy with my figure since the DC - the usual reasons I guess!

I know that my DH uses/watches porn, I made my peace with that once I realised that a) I couldn't face sex as often as he would want and b) although I don't use porn imagery myself I have a couple of semi-erotic (to me rather than to the general population I guess) novels that I enjoy and my imagination fills in the rest. so I got over the fact DH uses porn and just try not to think about it. I dont think DH knows that I know, as he clears the internet search histories.

on to the issue. I have discovered this morning that he has been looking at DVDs and websites who focus on 'barely legal' looking girls and had 'checkout baskets' with DVDs called 'But he's my father'. the 'barely legal' is a bit off to me but the girls are clearly late teens/early twenties playing the part so I think I could get over that. it's the 'father/daughter' ones that have made me feel a bit ill - we have a DD who is 3.

to be clear the DVDs are very clearly adult women with older looking men, there is NOTHING in anyway that I've found that goes near any form of children/childs images. but it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

basically AIBU to think this is innapropriate, especially considering we have a DD? Would you think this is an indication of a deeper issue or just another fantasy thing that doesn't relate to the real world at all and DH probably doesn't even see the connection?

I know I'm going to have to talk to DH but I dont know where to start!

OP posts:
letscookbreakfast · 09/04/2015 16:35

Prove it then Jan45, you asked how they verified performers ages and I've found the law that explains it. You think that's not true then prove it rather than being patronising.

idontknowmyusernameanymore · 09/04/2015 16:36

Just to be a bit supportive, I'm not saying that I agree with this and yes I do find it odd but a couple we know do the whole daddy/girl thing and they insist that its to do with being looked after by her partner and unconditional love, they're parents and NEVER would do anything actually incestual. I dont think they even see it as incest as the point is they're NOT related and DONT have incest feelings, it just turn's them on.

Just like some people like 'puppy play' where they bark during sex Hmm anyway not expressing that its ok its just not as bad as some people are making out. Perhaps (no offence intended) he just likes fantasising about younger women and they push his buttons.

I like to think about Jude Law, but oh wouldn't be too happy ;)

Fairenuff · 09/04/2015 16:37

It's a good job there's no such thing as human trafficking and false birth certificates then.

HubertCumberdale · 09/04/2015 16:39

A friend of mine in the industry once told me that agencys are really strict on performers having birth certificates and legal documents. They just wouldn't take any risks.
Famous underage cases like Traci Lords happened because she faked all her documents.

Not trying to prove anything, just a bit of info I was given by a performer. Obviosuly an agency suggests a legal and above board opperation.

iHAVEtogetoutofhere · 09/04/2015 16:41

Applauds AnyFucker Star

Jan45 · 09/04/2015 16:46

Hubert: you can print as many legal requirements as you like, I for one do not believe for a second that the porn industry is regulated, in fact I'd say since the emergence of the internet, it's off the scale.

Vivacia · 09/04/2015 16:52

Watch the Channel 4 documentary, Date My Pornstar, probably the most mild documentary I've seen on the topic. This is mainstream, above board, legal porn.

daisychain01 · 09/04/2015 16:53

HubertCumberdale and how about you stick to the facts as given, rather than making up some 'clever' little explanation which can only ever be conjecture.

Justusemyname · 09/04/2015 16:56

"they are DVDs from a European site, not UK based - not sure if the rules are different. i dont know if he's actually bought them as the shopping cart wasn't checked out, maybe he was just browsing for images?"

What rules are you talking about and why are they relevant? To explain, I don't care what the law says about car seats, I use what I think is safe for my child ie he is just over the legal height for being allowed out of a car seat but I think he is safer in one.

HubertCumberdale · 09/04/2015 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

iHAVEtogetoutofhere · 09/04/2015 17:00

I shall step away from this now as I'm finding the justification of this really upsetting.

OP, good luck speaking to your H.

I hope you get answers and can decide your next steps, if any.

HubertCumberdale · 09/04/2015 17:02

I need to step away from this too, it's boiling my piss.
OP, good luck with everything, I hope it all works out.

pocketsaviour · 09/04/2015 17:11

Jesus, I'm out, I forgot I was on MN. No chance of rational debate here.

OP I hope it works out okay for you.

Jan45 · 09/04/2015 17:13

Bye, bye.

Fearless91 · 09/04/2015 17:14

After posting my first reply to this earlier I've actually had a thought and in all honesty I've had a change of heart.

OP I hope you don't mind I actually spoke to a male work colleague about this post (I didn't name the website or anything) and he said your husband was probably watching it purely because he found the young woman hot and the idea of a young woman with an older man was sort of a fantasy. It probably had nothing to do with the whole step father thing.

Also, I myself watch porn and 99% of the time it's a young legal woman with an older man. It turns me on.. Not because I'm sick minded but because I like the whole male dominance thing. That doesn't make me perverted but I think a lot of the time when it's the man watching that sort of porn he's called a pervert or people say his attitudes towards women must be bad.

If he treats you and the children the way he should, and you have no other concern, then I don't think you should think anything of this other than he wanted to watch a hot young woman be banged by an older man.

If it really bothers you just speak to him and say what you come across and you just felt slightly uncomfortable.

Fearless91 · 09/04/2015 17:25

Also lets be honest, MOST men find young women attractive... It's life and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a fact that I'm general young women are physically and biologically more attractive then older women.

Watching a 18 year old legal woman have sex with a 50 year old man in porn is absolutely fine. Doesn't make you a pervert, and just because a man may have a young daughter who's still a child it doesn't mean he suddenly has to stop finding 18 year olds physically attractive.

If your husband was 19 with no kids you wouldn't think anything of it.

Hakluyt · 09/04/2015 17:32
blueberrypie0112 · 09/04/2015 17:32

LOL, why is it people think other people's opinion is a reflection of MN, as if they have control what people type... No matter which board I go to, people are like this. (like babycenter)

JohnFarleysRuskin · 09/04/2015 17:34

It's a fact that in general young women are physically more attractive than older women.

Tell us more about this school of statistics that produces these 'facts'. Barely legal are way more attractive than legal aren't they:fact!

Poor ops husband- all he wanted was to see attractive women shag- instead through no fault of his own/ perhaps because of the paucity of the offerings out there- he found himself led down the fucking your stepdaughter path. Awwww.

As fearless would say- it's life and there's nothing wrong with it. 'Its a fact'

DownByTheRiver · 09/04/2015 17:34

I think it's important for the OP to establish how the DH ended up looking at this video.

If he was looking at something else and the father-daughter one was on the same page and he clicked on it because he liked the image on display and enjoyed it and put it in the basket so that he would be able to find it again to look at without taking much notice of the title of it then that is slightly plausible that he wasn't seeking out incest porn.

On the other hand if he has deliberately sought out that sort of thing then that is an entirely different issue.

AuntieDee · 09/04/2015 17:37

He may have deleted his browser history which is why you may not be seeing anything. He may also have images saved on the drive in an unlikely place. Just search .jpg .avi etc and you may find hidden images/videos. If you set the view image size to XL you don't even have to open them to view them - so he won't know you have looked.

I would be very concerned about the type of porn, regardless of the actual age of the actors.

Please put your DC first - my mum didn't. She gave my father the benefit of the doubt :(

VoyageOfDad · 09/04/2015 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnsolvedMystery · 09/04/2015 18:26

Because I am one of those people who actually has sex with another human being, not a computer screen, that makes me twisted and lacking in understanding of human sexuality
So normal human sexuality can only happen by having sex with another person?
I have many aspects to my sexuality. Most involve my husband, but some aspects I enjoy on my own or with a book or an audiobook or images or with my own fantasies (that I have no desire to act out). None of those mean that I am having sex with the book or screen etc. They are perfectly normal and acceptable.

that stuff is produced for paedophiles to get their kicks whilst not
That is just ridiculous. Paedophiles have a sexual interest in children. The actresses in these films are very clearly women, they just dress and play the part of a teenager. They don't look childlike.

"Teen" is one of the most searched for terms on porn sites.
Infact, Lesbian, Stepmom and Teen were the top 3 searches in the US last year
In the UK, the top 5 were: Lesbian, British, MILF, Squirt and Teen

Original poster
BluebellBlues · 09/04/2015 19:24

Just quickly as DH is reading bedtime stories.

We have had a first stage of a talk, more to come.

basically yes, its driven through frustration as we don't have sex enough.

he is however horrified about my connections of the subject, he couldn't eat his dinner and has been in tears. i have never seen my DH cry, ever. he says he feels sick.

he says of course he doesn't think of DD that way and had not ever made the connection. i asked him how he would feel if i was looking at mother/son porn. he said he would try and understand. i called bullshit and he admitted he would feel sickened by it. i believe that was the only attempt at a lie in the conversation so far.

i asked how he would feel if his mates in 12-15 years are learing at DD. he says he would hate it and feel sickened and cut them from our lives.

more to follow (possibly wont update til tomorrow) but at least we are talking and he is being honest. i feel hopefully that there is a chance to work though this in time.

OP posts:
Original poster
BluebellBlues · 09/04/2015 19:30

to add, thank you to the people who have given measured responses, they have been really helpful at getting me to a place where i can address the issue with dh in confidence of my feelings and what i want as an outcome.

OP posts: