to think this is inappropriate of DH to watch

[BluebellBlues]

N/C for obvious reasons.

DH and I have a good marriage, very happy, no issues to speak of really. we have 3DC under 5. Since having the DC my sex drive has dropped and never come back to what it was pre-DC - I'm just so tired all the time, find it hard to stop being 'mummy' and become 'sexy wife' as soon as the DC are asleep, plus I'm not happy with my figure since the DC - the usual reasons I guess!

I know that my DH uses/watches porn, I made my peace with that once I realised that a) I couldn't face sex as often as he would want and b) although I don't use porn imagery myself I have a couple of semi-erotic (to me rather than to the general population I guess) novels that I enjoy and my imagination fills in the rest. so I got over the fact DH uses porn and just try not to think about it. I dont think DH knows that I know, as he clears the internet search histories.

on to the issue. I have discovered this morning that he has been looking at DVDs and websites who focus on 'barely legal' looking girls and had 'checkout baskets' with DVDs called 'But he's my father'. the 'barely legal' is a bit off to me but the girls are clearly late teens/early twenties playing the part so I think I could get over that. it's the 'father/daughter' ones that have made me feel a bit ill - we have a DD who is 3.

to be clear the DVDs are very clearly adult women with older looking men, there is NOTHING in anyway that I've found that goes near any form of children/childs images. but it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

basically AIBU to think this is innapropriate, especially considering we have a DD? Would you think this is an indication of a deeper issue or just another fantasy thing that doesn't relate to the real world at all and DH probably doesn't even see the connection?

I know I'm going to have to talk to DH but I dont know where to start!

WTF are you on about Mummybabyboo?

Exactly - WTF Mummybabyboo. I have been following this thread with interest and there is some good balanced advice from all kinds of people - whether they agree with porn use or not. There are also some ridiculous and unhelpful comments.

They are highly manipulative comments to get the OP to react in the way Mummybabyboo wants. Comments like those should have no place in Relationships.

Your comments are vile and unhelpful Mummybabyboo
You have no right to make accusations like that.

-sigh- yes ok let's all bury our head in the sand. Let's all pretend this realtionship has anything other than disaster written all over it, let's encourage someone to stay in an unhappy and possibly dangerous relationship rather than better her life and that of her children, break free and find happiness rather than rot away for however many years just to for it to happen anyway when she's wasted half her life on someone who thinks its ok to blame HER just because she's not felt sexy recently when if he was a decent husband he'd make her feel like the sexiest women on the planet and encourage her not fantasise about kids and incest. Something state you in the face and people chose to ignore them, that's when women end up dead and children DO end up raped and dead themselves. I'm all for relationship advice or relationships that have hope but I'm also about empowering women who are BETTER OFF LEAVING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Projecting?

Projecting would be for me to accuse people of being a bit harsh with the tough love and to perhaps be a bit more tactful. But hell. Certainly can't accuse people of that on this post. OP knows what he has done is wrong and knows she needs to leave, she wouldn't have posted anything in the first place if not. she came here for support and encouragement to do exactly that but has been convinced to stay with a bully. Here's some constructive advice, buy a book called living with the dominator by pat craven, when you have finished reading in detail about your husband (and stopped sobbing) run for your life and never look back.

I think you must have been reading a different thread Mummybabyboo

Mummybabyboo that's one of the nastiest things I've read on this board.m

OPs priority should be to protect her children not to pander to an abusive partner who may or may not be into kiddy incest...

He's not abusive and he's not into kiddy incest.
Some really quite sick and stupid posts being made now.

Oh OP.
You have filtered out the responses you don't like and only credited the ones you want to hear.

Thought I'd check back in and say hi. some of the extrapolation from what I said is actually quite laughable!

As I said before, thank you for (nearly) everyone's points of view - including the ones who very strongly felt that this incident was a sign of much bigger problems with DH, it was and is useful to look at it from almost all angles. the only ones I have discounted are the ridiculous knee-jerk 'LTB, don't let him see the kids, call SS' rubbish.

I posted, not because 'I know I need to leave him' but because I had made a discovery I didn't expect and was shocked and needed other perspectives. which I got and which were mostly helpful.

For anyone interested in the ACTUAL situation (rather than some made up story about me/my children being abused or in danger and my DH being a paedo ) things are going really well. we are talking and being very open with each other about how we are feeling. We have not yet had sex again but are slowly building our levels of intimacy.

For those who have issues with his 'blaming' me for not being available for sex - it isn't blame. it is a statement of fact that since the DC we haven't been having as much sex as either of us would like and we had both stopped making the effort with each other. the difference is my response was to ignore it and go to sleep as I'm knackered from looking after the DC, whilst DH was needing some sexual relief and turned to the porn he used in his single days and while I was pregnant.

I accept that there are many who have an issue with porn - I am not one of those people so the fact DH was using porn is not, and never really was, the issue. it was purely an issue of the content. and I would like to point out that it wasn't 'only' incest porn - he was looking at plenty of other 'normal' porn too so those who had decided incest was all my DH was looking for are way off the mark.

so again, thank you to everyone who stayed on topic (including those I didn't agree with), things are looking good in the Bluebell house!

You sound very sensible OP. Pleased you are working through it, and great to hear things are going well.