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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please help me

258 replies

iambigfatmess · 15/04/2014 23:40

I went and saw myfamily today for four hours haven't seen them since Christmas dh has gone mad. He is so cpntrolling. I can't do this any more I want toleave but he says I will loose dc

OP posts:
NeedAdvice2014 · 16/04/2014 00:51

He is not going to get custody. He is a bully and only "respected" by people who don't know the truth. You are the main carer and a great mum. Don't worry about the future, one step at a time. It's incredibly hard when you're in the middle of it not to get sidelined by every possible issue but the priority is that hour tomorrow when you get free.

Bogeyface · 16/04/2014 00:51

Dont forget that one of the first things people will think is "If he is such a fantastic man, why did his wife flee with her children to get away from him?"

Just because people are nice to his face doesnt mean they believe his bullshit.

NeedAdvice2014 · 16/04/2014 00:52

I am here if you need hand holding through the night.

NeedAdvice2014 · 16/04/2014 00:55

So are you going to head off for family before he is up?

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 16/04/2014 00:55

Thank you I don't know just want this mess to go away

OP posts:
Original poster
iambigfatmess · 16/04/2014 00:57

No he actually has an early meeting so will pack as soon as he goes in the hour I am meant tp be dropping kids off at a friends and driving to work

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 16/04/2014 01:01

It is really good that he will be gone. Dont tell the kids anything about the change in plans then, they dont need to know.

Do any of your kids have mobile phones? If they do then I suggest you "lose" them before you leave, especially your sons if he has been so brainwashed by his father.

cozietoesie · 16/04/2014 01:03

Good point.

Bogeyface · 16/04/2014 01:03

OP (I refuse to use your chosen username, as you are anything but a big fat mess), I need to go to bed now.

I'm sorry, but I will be back in the morning xxx

NeedAdvice2014 · 16/04/2014 01:04

I'm really sorry I am on phone so typing takes long. Is there any packing you can safely do tonight? If it isn't safe then leave it. When he goes grab what you need - if you can't sleep now compile a mental list of what you will need and the best way to get it quickly together. Get yhe cash, fill the car. If DCs are used to getting in the car to go to childcare maybe don't worry about an explanation for DS until you are well under way, then just say you're going to family. I thought the idea of a delaying tactic with work was good too - could you call them with the flat tyre story to buy time?

cozietoesie · 16/04/2014 01:05

I was just thinking that the OP needs to change her user name. The last thing she is is a mess.

Heathcliff27 · 16/04/2014 01:06

Hi op, i dont have any other advice than whats already been given. You can do this, you and your children deserve much more than this

NeedAdvice2014 · 16/04/2014 01:07

I totally agree with Bogeyface you are a strong, brave woman worth a million of your bullying excusr of a H and you are a great mother.

talullah57 · 16/04/2014 01:10

I have to say you lot on here are towers of strength! I don't post all that often but read and have learnt a helluva lot from all your experienced and strong women. OP I wish you all the best for tomorrow and the beginning of a safe and happy environment for you and your kids. All the best x

NeedAdvice2014 · 16/04/2014 01:10

OP if it is at all possible you should try to get some rest. You have a 200 mile drive tomorrow and you are starting the rest of your life. See if you can, if you can't and want company I will be here as long as you need.

NurseyWursey · 16/04/2014 01:19

OP you are a very strong woman and you will get out of there.

Please take the good advice you have been given. Your family will welcome you with open arms. Don't take this any longer.

Keep talking if you can

NeedAdvice2014 · 16/04/2014 01:40

Hi OP. I am hoping the quiet means you are resting to get ready for tomorrow. I will check in in the morning to root for you as you get away and claim the life you and DCs deserve. Thanks

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 16/04/2014 02:10

Just smuggled two bags of clothes into the car imcase he changes his plans in the morning. Dd woke up and asked what I was doing in her wardrobe. I told her and she smiled so pleased she looked so happy

OP posts:
NCISaddict · 16/04/2014 04:20

Good luck OP. I have nothing useful to say but wanted to add my support.

Lj8893 · 16/04/2014 04:49

Good luck op. Thanks

NeedAdvice2014 · 16/04/2014 06:57

Morning OP. You are doing so well. Keep calm and focussed, you are doing absolutely the right thing for you and DCs. Willing you on Thanks

MargotThreadbetter · 16/04/2014 07:28

Good luck OP - will be thinking of you this morning Flowers

Loveleopardprint · 16/04/2014 07:31

Morning. Hoping you got a bit of sleep. Woke up and thought of you. This is the day to change your life for the better. Good luck!

Coconutty · 16/04/2014 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheerWill · 16/04/2014 07:37

Just wanted to add my support here op. You're doing so well. One day both your dc will look into your eyes and thank you for being so brave. Good luck!!