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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please help me

258 replies

iambigfatmess · 15/04/2014 23:40

I went and saw myfamily today for four hours haven't seen them since Christmas dh has gone mad. He is so cpntrolling. I can't do this any more I want toleave but he says I will loose dc

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 16/04/2014 07:37

OP reading your thread brought tears to my eyes. You have been so controlled and abused.

Please see what we are all telling you. You are worth so much more than this half life you have been living, and you are being a brilliant and strong mum by making this change for your family.

Stay calm. Show no emotion.

Most of all stay safe. Will he try to follow you where you are going to? Please stay safe and get swift legal advice. If he causes any kind of nuisance call the police and seek help/get things logged.

Please let us know you are alright at some point when you get a chance, just so we know you are free.

headlesslambrini · 16/04/2014 07:46

You are doing the right thing Op.

FrigginRexManningDay · 16/04/2014 07:49

I just wanted to add my support OP as you are absolutely doing the right thing.
Please dont stop posting but maybe ask MN to delete this thread when you are safe as it gives details of where you are now and where you are going (your parents).
Keep strong.

500smiles · 16/04/2014 08:01

Another signing in to wish you well.

A wonderful happy life lies ahead for you and your DCs.

larrybadler · 16/04/2014 08:04

I'm sending you courage and strength OP. Good luck today. Onwards with the rest of your life.

FuckerRoosterToGetEggs · 16/04/2014 08:06

Best of luck, OP, this is the first day of your real life xx

Atbeckandcall · 16/04/2014 08:09

Strength and courage being sent to you OP.
This is the best thing you can do for you and your dc. You have already said that ds is being brainwashed by him, that alone is a good enough reason to get out.
Everything your dh has said is not true. He will not automatically get custody, he cannot just take the dc from you etc.
By leaving and contacting the relevant organisations you're making the first move and documenting his appalling behaviour. This works in your favour. Good luck today OP.

RiverTam · 16/04/2014 08:10

best of luck for today OP - you are doing the right thing for you and your children.

sittingatmydeskagain · 16/04/2014 08:16

Just wishing you luck, op.

BuzzardBird · 16/04/2014 08:17

Hope you all get away safely. Life will get better for you now you are taking control.

Hairylegs47 · 16/04/2014 08:23

Just adding my support to you iam! Just so you know, you aren't as your name says, you are a HERO!

INeedABiggerBoat · 16/04/2014 08:27

Just read this thread with growing admiration of your strength OP. Please know that you pretty much have the whole of mumsnet behind you. Best of luck for your escape - if you can get out you have a beautiful life ahead of you.

NearTheWindymill · 16/04/2014 08:36

Good luck today OP - I hope you are almost on your way.

yoyo27 · 16/04/2014 08:36

Wow what an amazing and inspirational woman you are!!!! The world is your oyster. This is THE best move for you AND your children. You have time to change their outlook while still young and away from this man. Don't let his actions turn your children into vile adults!!! Stay safe and post when you can xx

CheifSnotWiper · 16/04/2014 08:37

I wish you and your DC all the luck in the world, you can do this Thanks

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 16/04/2014 09:27

Have passports ds doesn't know what to do help

OP posts:
NCISaddict · 16/04/2014 09:32

He is under age so needs to come with you so he can be safe, it's not really fair to let him make the decision as he won't see the bigger picture. Keep on being strong. Flowers

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 16/04/2014 09:35

Boot is loaded just going to cram a bit more in and go dh last words were if you don't like it leave I will have my house back

OP posts:
NCISaddict · 16/04/2014 09:38

Ignore him, he is trying to control you and doesn't realise that you are stronger than that. Go and see a solicitor as soon as possible and get things formalised. It's a lot more difficult for abusers to control their victims when it's all out in the open and put in writing.
Good luck.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 16/04/2014 09:41

He will tell lies

OP posts:
NCISaddict · 16/04/2014 09:42

Yes he will but you just have to tell the truth, when he stamped on your foot, is there any bruising/swelling? If so go and report it and get it photographed. Contact Womans Aid and ask their advice, they are used to this sort of thing and can tell you the best way to proceed.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 16/04/2014 09:48

How old are the children? Good luck OP i hope things go smoothly

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 16/04/2014 09:49

Nine and ten

OP posts:
SnotandBothered · 16/04/2014 09:50

DS will be torn out of a young boys loyalty to dad. You have to take the decision out of his hands - he is too young and it's not fair. One day he will thank you from the bottom of his heart.

Good luck,.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/04/2014 09:54

Oh OP all the very best from me too. Stay strong and safe

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