please help me

[iambigfatmess]

I went and saw myfamily today for four hours haven't seen them since Christmas dh has gone mad. He is so cpntrolling. I can't do this any more I want toleave but he says I will loose dc

You can get away in that time. Let him ring you at work - you will be at least an hour away to freedom by the time he realises you aren't in work, gets angry and leaves wherever he is. Plus he won't know where you are. If he has access to laptop or whatever device you may leave behind go onto aa route planner and log the route for somewhere in the wrong direction to make it loom like you've gone there. He may fall for it, he may not but will take you 2 mins. Open another window and look up hotels etc in that area. But go - please take care.

I have between nine and ten tomorrow morning. Just hope dc will agree to come. Know dd will but ds is very brain washed by him. Can't go without him.

Even if all you take is your DCs, yourself and tbe clothes you're in that's ok. He has hurt you more than once, you just need to get safe, the rest will follow. If there is anything you can do now to get ready - packing a bag etc then do, but if it will rouse suspicion wait for your hour and go. You can do this.

And take out whatever cash you can locally so he can't trace your movements through internet banking. Take out as much cash as you can and use that to pay for fuel on your journey. Fill up the car locally too before you leave home city.

Don't tell dc what you are doing at first - just that you're going out. You can explain that daddy is angry/sick/whatever later on when you are safe. Buy them a treat if you need to but keep them and you safe.

The others are right, an hour is enough especially if he wont be there.

As for work, call them about 10 minutes before he is due to and tell them that you have a flat tyre and will be there soon. That should buy you more time and they will tell him what you have said. I agree with googling a route planner to somewhere random but large, so London, Birmingham, Manchester etc to make it harder to nail down.

I am in the East Mids so not near enough to help, but please keep posting, we are here for you.

I have some money stashed away in a tin. I know enough about something he has done to make his life difficult if I can find the paperwork.

Dont tell the kids anything, if you must then tell them you are going out for a nice treat, Mcdonalds, icecream, anything.

How old are they?

Thank you all so much. I know I need legal advice if I leave will it look bad.

Nine and ten

How old is DS? Could you get away with minimal explanation, just we're going to see auntie/grandma? So sad for you that he has got into your son's head. I wish I could give you a hug right now.

Goodness no. He's an abuser and you're saving yourself and the DCs. It won't look bad.

Don't get caught looking fir it. Your safety and escape are more important. You can always elude to having 'copied' the paperwork in the future and if it's bad enough he won't want to risk it. Your knowledge about it may be enough. Don't get hung up on things like that - physical safety is the priority.

Best of luck love.

It will not look bad!

When you have escaped, call Womens Aid, they can put you in touch with specialist solicitors. Women escaping abuse often dont tell anyone until they leave, they also often do such desperate things as this because they know that they cant just say "I want a divorce" for fear of what will happen.

Dont worry about that now, really dont. Just focus on escaping.

Makemine is right.

Forget the blackmail paperwork, you know and he knows you know, thats enough.

Get the legal advice once you are away. When you have explained why you have left your solicitor will fight for you. Don't worry about future events, there's loads of help on here when you get to that stage.

Go to bed as normal now - don't arouse any suspicions. Hope tomorrow gives well fir you. You just need you, dc and access to money to get you where you need to be. That is all. Other paperwork can b dealt with later, including cancelling dc passports etc.

Yes to legal advice, Womens Aid or Respect or any DV service give this free of charge. If you can't safely call tonight you can sort this out when ylu are with family. Leaving does not make you look bad, quite the opposite. I have talked to police, Victim Support and DV services over last few days and all agree that getting myself and DCs safe was the only right course and if I hadn't that would have had much more implications for me. Get yourself and DCs out, the rest will follow on.

He is a respected member of society and very convincing this is not going to be easy but I am just sp scared of him winning custody. The plan was to leave when they were eigjteen
I normally lie when I meet mu family but just thought why shpuld I this time

Need to go now - good luck, stay strong.

Again makemine is right.

Get some sleep and act normally. You need to be on the ball in the morning, and delete your MN history before bed, just in case.

We are here with you, keep safe.

Your family probably suspect anyway. He is unlikely to win custody. Take care.

He is a respected member of society and very convincing

They always are. Until something happens that they dont like and then suddenly it all comes out. Dont worry about what people will think, they will find out the truth about him soon enough.

Just get yourself safe, you can worry about the other stuff later.

Don't worry I sleep in the spare room he needs his sleep and I normally leave to take the kids to school before he is up.